One More Row To Hoe
A look at our mortality78 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
Excellent metaphor on the struggles of life, and how your dad first installed their difficulties in your mind, Jay.
Minor observational nit-picks:
You need a comma between, 'you', and, 'dad', in 15th line.
10th line - you break the otherwise iambic meter pattern by starting with an emphasised syllable ('WATCH-ing'). Easily rectified if you wish, by - 'i-WATCHED...'
Bonus of internal rhymes and subtle touches of alliteration.
Excellent read.
Cheers, Ray.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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Excellent metaphor on the struggles of life, and how your dad first installed their difficulties in your mind, Jay.
Minor observational nit-picks:
You need a comma between, 'you', and, 'dad', in 15th line.
10th line - you break the otherwise iambic meter pattern by starting with an emphasised syllable ('WATCH-ing'). Easily rectified if you wish, by - 'i-WATCHED...'
Bonus of internal rhymes and subtle touches of alliteration.
Excellent read.
Cheers, Ray.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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Always glad to hear from you.I thank you for your sound advice-thank you
Comment from humpwhistle
Excellent use of a very relatable metaphor.
I impressed with the scope of the story
told in such modest terms. A full life in so few words.
Terrific work.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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Excellent use of a very relatable metaphor.
I impressed with the scope of the story
told in such modest terms. A full life in so few words.
Terrific work.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 08-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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Thank you for your encouragement-appreciated
Comment from Quantum Traveler
Well Jaybird 1...I enjoyed this writing about life and it can be at times a tough road to hoe.
I had to chuckle a little at this writing because I've had to scare a few "JAYBIRDS" off those rows of corn.
A good story about life's journey.
Peace to you Jaybird 1 and may you be blessed with all you need while hoeing that final row...Quantum Traveler.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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Well Jaybird 1...I enjoyed this writing about life and it can be at times a tough road to hoe.
I had to chuckle a little at this writing because I've had to scare a few "JAYBIRDS" off those rows of corn.
A good story about life's journey.
Peace to you Jaybird 1 and may you be blessed with all you need while hoeing that final row...Quantum Traveler.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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I see you are familiar with a hoe-thank you so very much
Comment from roseworker
I applaud your desire to share the wisdom of your years and can actually picture the dialogue with your dad. The imagery is great - the punctuation needs attention, though. (I.e., ...life's final after glow. Or life's roads to hoe. This may sound like nit picking but when in competition, perfection counts! Please keep writing - I honor your efforts. Kitty/roseworker
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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2016
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I applaud your desire to share the wisdom of your years and can actually picture the dialogue with your dad. The imagery is great - the punctuation needs attention, though. (I.e., ...life's final after glow. Or life's roads to hoe. This may sound like nit picking but when in competition, perfection counts! Please keep writing - I honor your efforts. Kitty/roseworker
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Comment Written 08-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2016
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Thank you friend for your correctional comment. I need all the help I can get
Comment from create4christ
I love this!! Your rhymes and rhythm are beautiful. I love how you start with your daddy teaching you to continue on...and how it has helped you through life. Well done.
Thank you so much for sharing...Penny
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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I love this!! Your rhymes and rhythm are beautiful. I love how you start with your daddy teaching you to continue on...and how it has helped you through life. Well done.
Thank you so much for sharing...Penny
Comment Written 08-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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Thank you dear friend for a greatly apprec iated comment and great rating
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
jaybird1--you certainly expressed how an older person feels at this last ambivalent stage of life. All your work is artistically presented in a total straight-forward way. I love understanding every single thing a line portrays. Reminds me of the Biblical parables to a degree--putting some of life's hardest puzzles in farming terms. Whatever we choose to write about, we can be pretty sure we are not alone in our plight--someone out there is fighting a similar battle very few will win. I had put my hoe down--then found fanstory for fun and entertainment, met nice people, and have picked up my hoe again. Thanks for that. GoodHearted Woman Marcia
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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jaybird1--you certainly expressed how an older person feels at this last ambivalent stage of life. All your work is artistically presented in a total straight-forward way. I love understanding every single thing a line portrays. Reminds me of the Biblical parables to a degree--putting some of life's hardest puzzles in farming terms. Whatever we choose to write about, we can be pretty sure we are not alone in our plight--someone out there is fighting a similar battle very few will win. I had put my hoe down--then found fanstory for fun and entertainment, met nice people, and have picked up my hoe again. Thanks for that. GoodHearted Woman Marcia
Comment Written 08-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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Thank you my good hearted friend.I always look forward and enjoy your thorough comments.I am so happy you have picked
up your hoe and getting it done
Comment from heyjude
Jay, I really like this. Parents can give us good advice. Honing your hoe... I like that phrase. Life is hard and we have to be ready to work through the tough times. We don't live forever. Be ready for that final row to hoe.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2016
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Jay, I really like this. Parents can give us good advice. Honing your hoe... I like that phrase. Life is hard and we have to be ready to work through the tough times. We don't live forever. Be ready for that final row to hoe.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2016
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Thank you for continuing to visit my site-I am grateful
Comment from mrs jordan
Jaybird this poem is so nice. It takes me back to the time when I was younger somewhat. To me those were the best years of my life. Life, family, food, and a lot of things were taken for granted. Our elders tried to steer us in the right direction, but we didn't want any part of it. They taught us how to work hard for what we needed, but still we were just plain ignorant to the facts. Now we've grown up and feeling the pain that they felt. We understand now. But some of us listened and preserved that time, but some did not. We need to be thankful to god and our elders for being there for us then and now. I really love this poem. God Bless!
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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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Jaybird this poem is so nice. It takes me back to the time when I was younger somewhat. To me those were the best years of my life. Life, family, food, and a lot of things were taken for granted. Our elders tried to steer us in the right direction, but we didn't want any part of it. They taught us how to work hard for what we needed, but still we were just plain ignorant to the facts. Now we've grown up and feeling the pain that they felt. We understand now. But some of us listened and preserved that time, but some did not. We need to be thankful to god and our elders for being there for us then and now. I really love this poem. God Bless!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016
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Thank you for a tho rough and most encouraging comment-much appreciated
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You're very welcome.
