Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

From the picture to the very last word makes this exceptional a read and piece of art. It is a great write and entry. I hope the clouds lift and you find all the pretty colors.

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Thanks, Angie

Steve

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Excellent

Hey Steve.

Wow.

Love the visual impression as well as the spiritual depth of your words. Your six syllable line, though, only has five, I think. Maybe take a look at that.

But once fixed, I have no doubt this will be a strong contender for the contest.

Av

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Thanks, Av.

Fixed that line, thank you.

Steve

Comment from ciliverde

Excellent

This is a really neat poem, your hike sounds like something I'd love to do...walking through on a winter's day and climbing above the cloud tops. In fact, with marine layer clouds it's not that hard to do on the California coast.
Nice job and a great contest entry.
Carol

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Thanks, Carol.

There are a couple of places I was thinking of where you can see this when conditions are right. One is the cemetery where my parents are buried. I hope they appreciate the view, because it's spectacular!

Steve

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

Hi Stevo,

I love Etheree poems. The format has such visual appeal. This is a lovely entry for the contest. Nice sentiment expressed especially in your closing line. "Lost at sea for truth" ... is 5 syllables. One more syllable needed in that line. Other than that one little glitch, it's great!

Best wishes for the contest!

Connie

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Thanks, Connie.

Fixed that line. The ending got changed so many tines I simply lost track!

Steve

reply by bichonfrisegirl on 26-Jun-2016

You're welcome, Steve. LOL ... it happens. :)

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Hi Steve;
-This well-written poetic excellence and superbly composed Etheree Is equipped with exceptional imagery that is distinctly clear and definitively expressive and very vividly descriptive as in a way it explains The search for truth And wisdom and though this one draws closer to the understanding of this rich explanation His life rainbows vanish before him and cannot be touched.
-This is one of the best particular types of poetry that I have read dan that fits the requirements for this type of format.
-The picture of clouds deep Near the tops of mountains definitely reflects the appropriate, supportive and relative conceptual theme of the writing.
-Good luck in the contest Steve and may the good Lord always be with you.
Alex

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Alex, thanks for the lovely review.

Steve

reply by krys123 on 28-Jun-2016

You are so very welcome Steve and take care my friend.
Alex

Comment from nancyjam

Excellent

I love the imagery in your beautifully crafted
Etheree poem.
Nice use of alliteration and assonance.
My favorite line "Snowy mist, a lake that shimmers,
boundless in winter sun. gorgeous visual.
Good luck in the contest. Nancy

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 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Nancy, thanks for your thoughtful review.

Steve

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

A carefully constructed entry to the contest with lovely imagery. Aspirations lift us to sublime heights but still we cannot touch the rainbow. This is only thd second Etheree I have read recently which strikes me as being pure poetry.

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 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Thanks, Tony.

I actually struggled a lot with this - and yes, I did have to work on it to make it 'poetic'.

Steve

Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

This is gorgeous, Steve. So fluid and eloquent - the best Ehteree I've read thus fat, i think, in terms of all these aspects, tone and content, phonetic resonance descriptive imagery and flow. I especially applaud the alliteration and consonance of V in valley, voyager, traverse and vanish as well as all the S sounds and T and L too. I also enjoyed slumbers and shimmers, with the S and M sounds making it feel like a near rhyme. Love the image of a lake that shimmers, boundless, in winter sun! Pitch perfect closing note with an a[aphoristically-flavored AHA:



Life's rainbows

Can't be

touched.


Lovely presentation as well!

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Rama, you know I appreciate your sixes immensely.

This poem actually took a lot more work than most of mine. I knew the scene I wanted to create, but couldn't see the ending, and then I started tinkering with phrasing and syllables needed fixing...

It's funny that you always point out what works aurally, because that is usually one of my least concerns - at least consciously. I suppose I do try to make it sound right, but I don't analyse it, so it is sometimes a surprise to read your comments!

Steve

reply by rama devi on 26-Jun-2016

You have a natural sense of the music of words. As a musician, I do consider this aspect in almost everything I write. Like you, I would write that way unconsciously. Only through reviewing over so many years did I come to appreciate the formal analysis of why a work sounds more musical. :)

Warmly,
rd