Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Resentment - Part One"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
15 total reviews
Comment from mfowler
Revenge grows in the hearts of children when they are inclined to privilege, and
learn to expect everything their own way. How else will they see the world when
they're beaten for something they want or feel they've been cheated. In this complex
and well reasoned back story, Mark aka bee-Bo the psychopathic clown, is explained.
On top of that, his obsession with destroying uBrock Daniels is put into perspective.
This interlude is an important phase in the novel. While it moves away from father
son bonding for a moment, it lays the groundwork for the terror to come. Going well.
Suggestion
In the paragraph starting 'why does Brock....etc' you've given Mark two tag lines. I suggest removing: he protested.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Revenge grows in the hearts of children when they are inclined to privilege, and
learn to expect everything their own way. How else will they see the world when
they're beaten for something they want or feel they've been cheated. In this complex
and well reasoned back story, Mark aka bee-Bo the psychopathic clown, is explained.
On top of that, his obsession with destroying uBrock Daniels is put into perspective.
This interlude is an important phase in the novel. While it moves away from father
son bonding for a moment, it lays the groundwork for the terror to come. Going well.
Suggestion
In the paragraph starting 'why does Brock....etc' you've given Mark two tag lines. I suggest removing: he protested.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Much more to come so stay tuned. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from royowen
Obviously a series Mark? Although you don't indicate, I liked this story, it reminds of my youth. As being a great sportsman when I was young, I really do relate to this story of best mates rivalry going awry, I had a similar relationship with a close friend, resentments can fester, but common sense always prevailed, and I think both of us thought it just a game, and the rivalry remained friendship. Today one would think it ridiculous anyway. We both preferred different sports and I moved to another sporting venture. We remained friends! Great memories, I was riveted, well written and presented, absorbing narrative, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Obviously a series Mark? Although you don't indicate, I liked this story, it reminds of my youth. As being a great sportsman when I was young, I really do relate to this story of best mates rivalry going awry, I had a similar relationship with a close friend, resentments can fester, but common sense always prevailed, and I think both of us thought it just a game, and the rivalry remained friendship. Today one would think it ridiculous anyway. We both preferred different sports and I moved to another sporting venture. We remained friends! Great memories, I was riveted, well written and presented, absorbing narrative, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Much more to come. So stay tuned. Your comments and support appreciated.
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Most welcome
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Brett. Sorry I have done a whole lot of reviewing and am so far behind in this yarn mate. However, I really enjoyed this chapter and found no errors that need correcting.
It's sad when a friendship breaks down over something as silly as a ball game, but it happens often.
Very well done Sir.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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G'day Brett. Sorry I have done a whole lot of reviewing and am so far behind in this yarn mate. However, I really enjoyed this chapter and found no errors that need correcting.
It's sad when a friendship breaks down over something as silly as a ball game, but it happens often.
Very well done Sir.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Sankey
Thanks, buddy. So good to have a background on the rotten Beebo. Now for just one little old spag, (if you agree)....a couple (of)practice swings...noticing the old West coast leave- out again hehe.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Thanks, buddy. So good to have a background on the rotten Beebo. Now for just one little old spag, (if you agree)....a couple (of)practice swings...noticing the old West coast leave- out again hehe.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Much more to come so stay tuned.
Comment from misscookie
Here we go again .I gets me when people say boys will be boys.
Yes they will but limit
when the boy or boy s return to that baby stage. I'm sure you will let the readers see this in your story
Cookie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Here we go again .I gets me when people say boys will be boys.
Yes they will but limit
when the boy or boy s return to that baby stage. I'm sure you will let the readers see this in your story
Cookie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this misscookie. Your comments and support appreciated.
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Have a blessed day.
Cookie
