Me Book
Viewing comments for Chapter 53 "The Father's Sleeping CURSE!"My Self Biograpy
2 total reviews
Comment from Liberty Justice
Ricky1024! WOW! So beautiful! I'm so serious. You use vivid metaphors and similie describing your true emotions Your delicate feelings show you are still hurting. KEEP the memories but stop hurting. STOP feeling guilty. People make choices and sometimes make poor choices. You
got to live. STAY STRONG! People only have six 6 stars and often they run out before they get to you!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
  |
Ricky1024! WOW! So beautiful! I'm so serious. You use vivid metaphors and similie describing your true emotions Your delicate feelings show you are still hurting. KEEP the memories but stop hurting. STOP feeling guilty. People make choices and sometimes make poor choices. You
got to live. STAY STRONG! People only have six 6 stars and often they run out before they get to you!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
-
Darlene ice don't suffer as my word so it's just my release this suffering was about the first three years and I've learned to cope so now it's more like hoping it's his suffering or a scar that healed but you can still see the traces left thanks forever for always being my work it helps every time people love my writing it makes me move forward
Ricky....
-
Beautiful! Will you publish
now?
Comment from Laurel Legion
In your poem's first stanza, the lines "Am I just still lieing, no way out" and "Trying so hard, feels like dieing" need to be corrected as "Am I just still lying, no way out" and "Trying so hard, feels like dying" instead for the words "lying" and "dying."
Next for the line in the seventh stanza "Life hath taken it's toll," the word "it's" should be changed to "its" for that line's grammar.
Finally the line in the eighth stanza "Closing but no secrets that itcan," the last two words need to have a space between them as "it can" to fix the typo present.
Other than that though, your poem is able to capture both the format and emotion of life's thoughts all happening at once in a person's head, those regrets and worries. Your poem could even be taken as the last thoughts of a person dying, especially due to the references of God throughout.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
 |
In your poem's first stanza, the lines "Am I just still lieing, no way out" and "Trying so hard, feels like dieing" need to be corrected as "Am I just still lying, no way out" and "Trying so hard, feels like dying" instead for the words "lying" and "dying."
Next for the line in the seventh stanza "Life hath taken it's toll," the word "it's" should be changed to "its" for that line's grammar.
Finally the line in the eighth stanza "Closing but no secrets that itcan," the last two words need to have a space between them as "it can" to fix the typo present.
Other than that though, your poem is able to capture both the format and emotion of life's thoughts all happening at once in a person's head, those regrets and worries. Your poem could even be taken as the last thoughts of a person dying, especially due to the references of God throughout.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
-
Thanks darling for your thoughts on the corrections but they looked up the word lying living always believed in me not telling the truth and lying means lying down but they're both interchangeable according to the Webster's Colliers but thanks anyhow for that and continue to read I will promote fairy tales and fables and fairy tales and fables story later today that is beautiful beautiful I must admit the notebook in the pen Ricky
