Delay At Dawn
100 -150 words contest19 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, poet,
Good job adding the necessary amount of words in a cohesive and well written piece under 150 words. I thought the story was insipid but I understand the restrictions of words plus the rules of must words.
Good job.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Hello, poet,
Good job adding the necessary amount of words in a cohesive and well written piece under 150 words. I thought the story was insipid but I understand the restrictions of words plus the rules of must words.
Good job.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Thanks so very much.
Comment from jpduck
Yes, they do rather seem to make a habit of it, don't they? I thought this was a neat little piece, and you managed to work the required words in very naturally.
Adrian
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Yes, they do rather seem to make a habit of it, don't they? I thought this was a neat little piece, and you managed to work the required words in very naturally.
Adrian
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Hello Adrian, Thanks very much.I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Dammit! You just can't hire good help these days.
I heard there were some very eager Muslin pilots interested in gaining employment with the commercial airline carriers. All of 'em are fresh outta flight school, too! (Calm down...just kidding!)
Seriously, this is a good 100 worder...or 125 worder...or however many words are in this slice-of-real-life story.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Dammit! You just can't hire good help these days.
I heard there were some very eager Muslin pilots interested in gaining employment with the commercial airline carriers. All of 'em are fresh outta flight school, too! (Calm down...just kidding!)
Seriously, this is a good 100 worder...or 125 worder...or however many words are in this slice-of-real-life story.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Hahahahaha, Dean, you are incorrigible. Thanks a bunch.
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You're welcome, hee-hee.
Thank goodness you're not a Muslim.
You're...uh...you're not, are ya'?
GULP!
Comment from DonandVicki
I like the way that you expressed your disappointment with the air controller strike by going back to bed.a good write that got the point across.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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I like the way that you expressed your disappointment with the air controller strike by going back to bed.a good write that got the point across.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Thank you very much for the great review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Technically, this is a very sound write. It is quite descriptive for one of these short pieces which is fine but it is weak in the actual story area. Nothing really happens to engage and grip the reader, no dilemma or conflict.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Hi there,
Technically, this is a very sound write. It is quite descriptive for one of these short pieces which is fine but it is weak in the actual story area. Nothing really happens to engage and grip the reader, no dilemma or conflict.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Thank you.
Comment from spellbound
Nice use of the contest words in your story. Great description. Sad too as she's going to miss sunrise going back to bed, most likely saddened by the fact she won't be seeing her husband anytime soon.
Some suggestions:
I recommend removal of 'then again' or 'but' from the following -- "At five thirty I was not at my best, but then again, the thought" but and then again are similar in usage. (this is nit-picking, so leaving it is also not a problem. It threw me off, but might not another.)
I recommend removal of 'on arrival.' in the following -- "I'd promised to pick him up on arrival." not needed as that's the normal time to pick someone up. One would only have to explain if they were picking up at a different time than the normal (on arrival).
A flight from France to the Eastern United States is about 8 hours. There's no way he would have called shortly before arrival to inform her of the delay, unless he wanted to allow her to sleep. I recommend he either comments that he let her sleep until her planned wake up time or set the early morning breakfast due to the flight not leaving as scheduled and he woke her to inform of the delay.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Nice use of the contest words in your story. Great description. Sad too as she's going to miss sunrise going back to bed, most likely saddened by the fact she won't be seeing her husband anytime soon.
Some suggestions:
I recommend removal of 'then again' or 'but' from the following -- "At five thirty I was not at my best, but then again, the thought" but and then again are similar in usage. (this is nit-picking, so leaving it is also not a problem. It threw me off, but might not another.)
I recommend removal of 'on arrival.' in the following -- "I'd promised to pick him up on arrival." not needed as that's the normal time to pick someone up. One would only have to explain if they were picking up at a different time than the normal (on arrival).
A flight from France to the Eastern United States is about 8 hours. There's no way he would have called shortly before arrival to inform her of the delay, unless he wanted to allow her to sleep. I recommend he either comments that he let her sleep until her planned wake up time or set the early morning breakfast due to the flight not leaving as scheduled and he woke her to inform of the delay.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Thanks for your review. Well, who says he's going to the USA? I flew for twenty years. There are short flights within Europe. She could be somewhere within Europe where a flight would be less than an hour for instance. Not all flights are overseas. When French controllers go on strike all flights over France practically cease to exist, affecting a range of countries in Europe. This is just meant as info to understand my little story. With regards to your nick-picking as you call it I'll have a look.
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Thank you. My apologies. I need to remember, with so few words, there are many things left up to the reader. I should not have assumed she was in my realm.
Comment from zekeziemann
Been there, done that (from the male side) and I could not stand the travel and being away while my kids were growing up, so switched jobs! There is a little suspense in the story. Well Done.
Zeke
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Been there, done that (from the male side) and I could not stand the travel and being away while my kids were growing up, so switched jobs! There is a little suspense in the story. Well Done.
Zeke
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Thank you very much
Comment from create4christ
Nice picture depicting daybreak...it works well with your story. Excellent job weaving your words into your story. You have really great description in your story, too. Good luck with your 100 WORD STORY contest entry. Great job.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Nice picture depicting daybreak...it works well with your story. Excellent job weaving your words into your story. You have really great description in your story, too. Good luck with your 100 WORD STORY contest entry. Great job.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Kooky Clown
Good story with an element of every day truth in it that being the French Traffic Controllers being on strike again they do seem to strike over the least little thing. Lovely thought returning to bed for a few more hours.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Good story with an element of every day truth in it that being the French Traffic Controllers being on strike again they do seem to strike over the least little thing. Lovely thought returning to bed for a few more hours.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Thank you very much.
