The Cage
People gone mad.34 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the mob mentality that develops when people are exposed to things over and over again. shocking at first, it ends up being accepted as the game of life, and nothing shocks anymore. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the mob mentality that develops when people are exposed to things over and over again. shocking at first, it ends up being accepted as the game of life, and nothing shocks anymore. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 02-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Sweetwoodjax, for taking time to read my story. This story isn't for everyone, including me. LOL! This story is supposed to be a journalist trying to catch what he/she sees from a safe distance, while unable to hear conversation and only bits of dialog. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Mabaker
This was a strange ride. I felt it lost the main objective and became a human slaughter fest instead of more about the cage. I realize what the story was all about, but there were many words about dismemberment and only a few about the cage. But it was well written. I hope you do well in the contest. Mabaker
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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This was a strange ride. I felt it lost the main objective and became a human slaughter fest instead of more about the cage. I realize what the story was all about, but there were many words about dismemberment and only a few about the cage. But it was well written. I hope you do well in the contest. Mabaker
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Well, it sure turned into a slaughter fest, but it all started because a couple sickos build a giant cage that brought together the many people to see battles, and then the whole scene erupted. The story is about a journalist who is sharing the action from a safe distance, unable to hear conversation and only bits of dialog. Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your comments and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from candyfink
I read some of the contest entries and yours describes what comes to my mind when I hear the cage, it is the exact angle I would have took it to............. good luck
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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I read some of the contest entries and yours describes what comes to my mind when I hear the cage, it is the exact angle I would have took it to............. good luck
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Candy Barr, for taking time to read my story. This story definitely isn't for everyone, not even me, to tell the truth. I just wanted to write it as a journalist seeing and describing the action from a distance, unable to hear the conversations and dialog. I probably shouldn't have entered it in the contest, but what the heck.Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Then, knees go weak and stomachs twist in knots at the horrific sight of a truck that never slows down, mowing over a congregation of innocent people who are only trying to escape the madness and go home.
Pushing and shoving, people surge picking up steam as they walk on top of those who have fallen. Giving swift kicks to those hysterical and smothering, desperately struggling to get up.
Nothing can stop the tidal wave in motion, a human tsunami leveling everything in its way with the force and precision of an asphalt roller.
The delirious revelers stampede up the steep-angled service ramp, streaming into the cage in droves.
Fighting everywhere, weaponless bystanders at the mercy of armed crusaders who smile at every fearful scream or crying child's tears, thrilled to be hurting anyone. ... This all sounds a lot like a few Metallica concerts I've attended in the past, among others, LOL.
Seriously, this was an excellent, well thought out story with colorful, well-fleshed-out characters. Little backstory was introduced, nor was it needed. Author Stephen Kings states about backstory: "The most important things to remember about back story are that (a) everyone has a history and (b) most of it isn't very interesting."
Soon, and I honestly believe this could happen in my lifetime, capital punishment will be BIG BUSINESS. Televised executions will be commonplace on pay-per-view. Families will all huddle closely around the boob-tube, popcorn and soda pop in hand, to watch the latest lynching and dismemberment of the bad Guy of the Week.
You just remember where you heard that first, and see if I'm wrong.
Excellent writing.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Then, knees go weak and stomachs twist in knots at the horrific sight of a truck that never slows down, mowing over a congregation of innocent people who are only trying to escape the madness and go home.
Pushing and shoving, people surge picking up steam as they walk on top of those who have fallen. Giving swift kicks to those hysterical and smothering, desperately struggling to get up.
Nothing can stop the tidal wave in motion, a human tsunami leveling everything in its way with the force and precision of an asphalt roller.
The delirious revelers stampede up the steep-angled service ramp, streaming into the cage in droves.
Fighting everywhere, weaponless bystanders at the mercy of armed crusaders who smile at every fearful scream or crying child's tears, thrilled to be hurting anyone. ... This all sounds a lot like a few Metallica concerts I've attended in the past, among others, LOL.
Seriously, this was an excellent, well thought out story with colorful, well-fleshed-out characters. Little backstory was introduced, nor was it needed. Author Stephen Kings states about backstory: "The most important things to remember about back story are that (a) everyone has a history and (b) most of it isn't very interesting."
Soon, and I honestly believe this could happen in my lifetime, capital punishment will be BIG BUSINESS. Televised executions will be commonplace on pay-per-view. Families will all huddle closely around the boob-tube, popcorn and soda pop in hand, to watch the latest lynching and dismemberment of the bad Guy of the Week.
You just remember where you heard that first, and see if I'm wrong.
Excellent writing.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Dean, for taking time to read my story. This one definitely isn't for everyone, and probably shouldn't have been entered in a contest with any realistic hope. I just tried to share a journalist's view of the action from a safe distance, unable to hear conversations and only bits of dialog. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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Well, it was certainly my kind of story. But that goes without saying, LOL.
You're more than welcome.
~Dean :}
Comment from brenda bickers
Wow, this was jaw dropping. What a fantastic read. I was hooked from the first word the last.
Your descriptions are so precise not only presenting the reader with a visual account of the events but also smells touch, fear and anything else you could throw in for good measure. You have packed so much in but it flows wonderfully keeping the attention of the reader throughout.
Like the say "What goes around comes around" "Those that live by the sword..." would love to read more of this stuff please.
Amazing.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Wow, this was jaw dropping. What a fantastic read. I was hooked from the first word the last.
Your descriptions are so precise not only presenting the reader with a visual account of the events but also smells touch, fear and anything else you could throw in for good measure. You have packed so much in but it flows wonderfully keeping the attention of the reader throughout.
Like the say "What goes around comes around" "Those that live by the sword..." would love to read more of this stuff please.
Amazing.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Brenda Bickers, for taking time to read my story. This story definitely isn't for the weak stomached. I tried to share a journalist's view of the action as he/she watched from a safe distance, unable to hear conversations and only bits of dialog. It is so rewarding when someone gets the jest of what we as writers are trying to say and do with our stories. Your kind words and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated.You have honestly made my day! Who am I kidding, probably my week, or month! Thanks, again. :-)
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You are more than welcome.x
Comment from 1954speed
The theme was good but the sentence fragments throughout made this piece hard to read. It is a good story begging a rewrite. Wish I could do better on the review.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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The theme was good but the sentence fragments throughout made this piece hard to read. It is a good story begging a rewrite. Wish I could do better on the review.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thanks for taking time to read my story. Yes, the short choppy sentences were intentional. This story is a journalist writing what he sees while keeping a safe distance from the action, unable to hear conversation and dialog. Total chaos is taking place as he/she tries to catch everything they can. Your comments are appreciated. :-)
Comment from c_lucas
Gladiators and arenas of Death still exist in today's world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Gladiators and arenas of Death still exist in today's world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Charlie, for taking time to read my story. This story definitely isn't for everyone, including me for that matter. But, I was trying to create a journalist trying to catch all the action from a safe distance while unable to hear conversation and dialog. I know everyone won't understand, but I'm glad you did. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a great piece and I was thoroughly engrossed and entertained by the whole thing. That mob mentality that takes over is a dangerous beast, but there is something poetic about the creators falling at the will of their creation.
bag after bag of the nights take - need an apostrophe in there.
screaming fans whooping it up with the enthusiasm of Aztecs offering humans for sacrifice. - great line.
A white Mercedes convertible's tires - this may read a little smoother inverted to convertible Mercedes'.
Witnessing the parks sudden demise - should be an apostrophe in here too.
some of the injured whale in agony - wail.
Great atmosphere created throughout and the pacing is virtually perfect rising to a crescendo and then ebbing just before the final comments.
G
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Hi there,
This is a great piece and I was thoroughly engrossed and entertained by the whole thing. That mob mentality that takes over is a dangerous beast, but there is something poetic about the creators falling at the will of their creation.
bag after bag of the nights take - need an apostrophe in there.
screaming fans whooping it up with the enthusiasm of Aztecs offering humans for sacrifice. - great line.
A white Mercedes convertible's tires - this may read a little smoother inverted to convertible Mercedes'.
Witnessing the parks sudden demise - should be an apostrophe in here too.
some of the injured whale in agony - wail.
Great atmosphere created throughout and the pacing is virtually perfect rising to a crescendo and then ebbing just before the final comments.
G
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. I definitely knew this story wouldn't be for every body. I just wanted to create the story of a journalist trying to catch all the action from a safe distance away while unable to hear conversations and only bits of dialog. Your kind words, suggestions, and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated. It is always an honor when such a talented writer as you offers praise and suggestions to help us novices get better. You have truly made my day! What am I talking about, you've made my week! :-)
Comment from barkingdog
Wow.
This is intense. You had me reading at a rapid pace as the entire city seemed to go crazy and as a mob crave violence--blood, death, murder.
The power of mob mentality drives the human animal. We see it in the election rallys as well as sporting events.
You put it very well--'monkey see; monkey do'.
Good luck in the contest with your highly descriptive, well written entry.
:) ellen
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Wow.
This is intense. You had me reading at a rapid pace as the entire city seemed to go crazy and as a mob crave violence--blood, death, murder.
The power of mob mentality drives the human animal. We see it in the election rallys as well as sporting events.
You put it very well--'monkey see; monkey do'.
Good luck in the contest with your highly descriptive, well written entry.
:) ellen
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Ellen, for reading my off the wall story. I don't know how many people will understand the journalist POV as he/she writes from a safe distance away, not able to hear conversations and much dialog. Oh, well, I had fun writing it anyway. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from LIJ Red
Oh, boy, more fun than pro wrasslin', and dern near as loud and bloody.
Of course pro wrestlers get hurt a lot. Obese senior citizens can't jump around like that. I hope your tendency to overstate slightly doesn't hurt you in the contest. Fr'instance, calling Art and Homer sickminded was overkill. But then the speaker is a (tabloid?) journalist...excellent...
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Oh, boy, more fun than pro wrasslin', and dern near as loud and bloody.
Of course pro wrestlers get hurt a lot. Obese senior citizens can't jump around like that. I hope your tendency to overstate slightly doesn't hurt you in the contest. Fr'instance, calling Art and Homer sickminded was overkill. But then the speaker is a (tabloid?) journalist...excellent...
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Thank you so much, LIJ Red, for taking time to read my off the wall story. Yes, you are absolutely right, everything in this story is overkill. LOL! Exactly what we can always expect from journalists. I just hope readers can understand the journalist telling about what he sees and not being about to hear conversations and dialog from safe distances. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
