The Vanished Dream
I took the wrong road through life.41 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, PBB
= I can certainly understand where you're coming from.
= My first hubby was ten years older, and liked to cheat.
= A traumatic event by my youngest, challenged son changed lives.
= So sorry you lost both your children. So dreadful.
= I'm posting my memoirs now, on FS. It's wonderful therapy.
= Good luck in the contest.
* * A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down * *
Cheers â?¦ Jacqueline / Jax
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
  |
Hi, PBB
= I can certainly understand where you're coming from.
= My first hubby was ten years older, and liked to cheat.
= A traumatic event by my youngest, challenged son changed lives.
= So sorry you lost both your children. So dreadful.
= I'm posting my memoirs now, on FS. It's wonderful therapy.
= Good luck in the contest.
* * A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down * *
Cheers â?¦ Jacqueline / Jax
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you. Life is what it is. I remember the good times and have let the bad go. It is the only way I could continue through life.
Comment from DonandVicki
I think for a lot of us most of our dreams do not come true, however we end up not with a dream but reality which is a lot more interesting.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
|
I think for a lot of us most of our dreams do not come true, however we end up not with a dream but reality which is a lot more interesting.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you. All we can do is remember the good and let the bad go.
Comment from Mary Wakeford
A very sad story, indeed, but you managed to make a life in spite of the challenges and heartbreak you faced. I honestly don't understand went some suffer horrible tragedies while others seemingly skate along, but the fact that you are a survivor speaks to your resolve and faith. Well written. I could feel your pain. I have made a few minor suggestions for consideration.
na�¯ve teenager or, shall we say -> naive
...and any money he did earn he spent on beer and cigarettes. ->
and any money he earned was spent on beer and cigarettes.
I must have been delusional there for a while after the baby was born ->
I must have been delusional following my baby's birth.
lost our home and probably been mighty hungry too. ->... lost our home and likely starved.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
|
A very sad story, indeed, but you managed to make a life in spite of the challenges and heartbreak you faced. I honestly don't understand went some suffer horrible tragedies while others seemingly skate along, but the fact that you are a survivor speaks to your resolve and faith. Well written. I could feel your pain. I have made a few minor suggestions for consideration.
na�¯ve teenager or, shall we say -> naive
...and any money he did earn he spent on beer and cigarettes. ->
and any money he earned was spent on beer and cigarettes.
I must have been delusional there for a while after the baby was born ->
I must have been delusional following my baby's birth.
lost our home and probably been mighty hungry too. ->... lost our home and likely starved.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you. I always appreciate helpful remarks. I will edit and change as you suggested.
Comment from enitsalemap
This memoir is poignant and written well. Every choice a person makes in their life puts them on a new path. I am sorry for your losses, I know the difficulty of touching on these topics in ones' writing. Your sharing of these things strengthens others who have the opportunity to read about them and know that they are not alone. Thank you.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
|
This memoir is poignant and written well. Every choice a person makes in their life puts them on a new path. I am sorry for your losses, I know the difficulty of touching on these topics in ones' writing. Your sharing of these things strengthens others who have the opportunity to read about them and know that they are not alone. Thank you.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you. Yes, I have read other stories on this site where people have suffered similar losses. It helps to know I am not alone.
-
you are welcome
Comment from Mastery
Hello, Birds. I would still feel much more comfortable having a name to address you by. I would think you will make more friends on here if they knew also.
Anyway, this is a well written story that could very easily win if it was handled correctly. The biggest problem you have as I see it, is you tried to cover too much ground in a short period of time relatively. Because of that, you are TELLING the story instead of SHOWING the story. No matter how good the detsails are, or the sadness of losing chldren or a mother who had it hard etce on and on...the story has no face. I as a reader cannot SEE these people. I cannot FEEL what they feel because you haven't SHOWED me.
I do have a few other suggestions if you don't mind: Always start any story with a good hook. "Once Upon A time is antiquated and hardly a grabber. Why not start with your sentence here:
"Our family was a large one with twelve kids plus mom and dad." It grabs the reader instantly. Then build around that opener.
I really wish you good luck with this story, but I really think it needs a lot of work before entry.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
|
Hello, Birds. I would still feel much more comfortable having a name to address you by. I would think you will make more friends on here if they knew also.
Anyway, this is a well written story that could very easily win if it was handled correctly. The biggest problem you have as I see it, is you tried to cover too much ground in a short period of time relatively. Because of that, you are TELLING the story instead of SHOWING the story. No matter how good the detsails are, or the sadness of losing chldren or a mother who had it hard etce on and on...the story has no face. I as a reader cannot SEE these people. I cannot FEEL what they feel because you haven't SHOWED me.
I do have a few other suggestions if you don't mind: Always start any story with a good hook. "Once Upon A time is antiquated and hardly a grabber. Why not start with your sentence here:
"Our family was a large one with twelve kids plus mom and dad." It grabs the reader instantly. Then build around that opener.
I really wish you good luck with this story, but I really think it needs a lot of work before entry.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you, my friend. My name is April. I appreciate your comments. I find it difficult to write about some of these things so I may have rushed it a little. I like your feedback and will think about revising.
-
Hi, april. Pretty name. Nice to meet you. You will be fine. revising is all part of the game of course.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello prettybluebirds
Indeed a heart breaking story of your dream not coming true
just one thing loo at this line I believe it should be edited-
Besides, he was so handsome and charming, just as princes are supposed to be. Was I simply a na�¯ve teenager or, shall we say, perhaps a bit stupid?
Gert
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
|
Hello prettybluebirds
Indeed a heart breaking story of your dream not coming true
just one thing loo at this line I believe it should be edited-
Besides, he was so handsome and charming, just as princes are supposed to be. Was I simply a na�¯ve teenager or, shall we say, perhaps a bit stupid?
Gert
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you. That error must have been caused when I posted it from my word processor; it does that sometimes. Thanks for the catch. I will edit and correct.
-
You are welcome prettybluebirds
What I do soon as I post my writing. I re-read it and check if there is any thing or things that don't look right.
Gert
Comment from gene roush
This is a tragic tale that pulls at my heart strings.
I sincerely hope this is fiction, because I wouldn't want anyone to feel so defeated.
This is well written and keeps the reader engaged with a close connection with the character.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
|
This is a tragic tale that pulls at my heart strings.
I sincerely hope this is fiction, because I wouldn't want anyone to feel so defeated.
This is well written and keeps the reader engaged with a close connection with the character.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you. Nope, this is not fiction. I don't feel defeated at this time in life. I am so grateful I had my son for 16 years. He taught me a lot about love.
Comment from Kazzawin
This is so incredibly sad!
Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking story.
There is no reason, apart from tragedy, why you should lose your two beautiful boys, certainly not the choices you made, anyway!
Life can turn on a sixpence and some are dealt far bigger blows than others. We have to adapt and learn a different route through life, as I'm sure you have done.
I hope you have good friends and family in your life.
I'm sorry you never got the dream from your youth, I hope God grants you peaceful ones now : )
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
|
This is so incredibly sad!
Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking story.
There is no reason, apart from tragedy, why you should lose your two beautiful boys, certainly not the choices you made, anyway!
Life can turn on a sixpence and some are dealt far bigger blows than others. We have to adapt and learn a different route through life, as I'm sure you have done.
I hope you have good friends and family in your life.
I'm sorry you never got the dream from your youth, I hope God grants you peaceful ones now : )
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you. Yes, I have a wonderful family and they are very supportive. I decided long ago to be grateful for the good and let the bad go.
Comment from Ginger Banks
Poignant, and heart-wrenchingly sad, but also provided are the triumphs of a Mother, shared in order to uplift the burdened, soul-searching reader.
An incredible post with life lessons to be heard and taken to heart. So that we who may be ignorant (by choice or accident) do not fall into the pit of such "dreams" realized in our own life simply because we have refused to listen to the wisdom and life experiences of our elders.
The taste of death, not only of dreams but also of their own child (especially of one so young), in a Mother's mouth is like the smell of rotten stinky catfish bait - left in the sun for weeks before it's opened. Difficult if not impossible to "get over", and to those who would say it to her, may their teeth fall out from rot and they have to gum the same said bait!
You have successfully demonstrated to the reader how a person can come into heartache by following idyllic dreams. As you said, one and all have these, even some men.
However, the triumphs you have painted us, in the picture of such great love between a Mother and her child, bring with it, its own well-deserved moments of happiness. This son died - yes, but he did so knowing he was deeply loved and cared for by his mother.
Tragedy and triumph in one package, for who but a child, of neglect and abuse, can truly express the bottomless depths of want? This young boy did not experience such want, for this the Mother deserves and eternal medal of honor.
I am blessed to have had the gift of reading this sad dream come un-true.
Only two places where there were SPaGs:
this first one is one which happens because of conflict between the platform and the program used to write -
"Was I simply a na�¯ve [ naïve ] teenager or, shall we say, perhaps a bit stupid?"
"My prince was too busy concocting up [ <---- you may remove the word "up" ] get rich quick schemes to get a real job, the courts were after him for child support, and any money he did earn he spent on beer and cigarettes."
Not enough SPaGs to earn a lessor star-rating.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
 |
Poignant, and heart-wrenchingly sad, but also provided are the triumphs of a Mother, shared in order to uplift the burdened, soul-searching reader.
An incredible post with life lessons to be heard and taken to heart. So that we who may be ignorant (by choice or accident) do not fall into the pit of such "dreams" realized in our own life simply because we have refused to listen to the wisdom and life experiences of our elders.
The taste of death, not only of dreams but also of their own child (especially of one so young), in a Mother's mouth is like the smell of rotten stinky catfish bait - left in the sun for weeks before it's opened. Difficult if not impossible to "get over", and to those who would say it to her, may their teeth fall out from rot and they have to gum the same said bait!
You have successfully demonstrated to the reader how a person can come into heartache by following idyllic dreams. As you said, one and all have these, even some men.
However, the triumphs you have painted us, in the picture of such great love between a Mother and her child, bring with it, its own well-deserved moments of happiness. This son died - yes, but he did so knowing he was deeply loved and cared for by his mother.
Tragedy and triumph in one package, for who but a child, of neglect and abuse, can truly express the bottomless depths of want? This young boy did not experience such want, for this the Mother deserves and eternal medal of honor.
I am blessed to have had the gift of reading this sad dream come un-true.
Only two places where there were SPaGs:
this first one is one which happens because of conflict between the platform and the program used to write -
"Was I simply a na�¯ve [ naïve ] teenager or, shall we say, perhaps a bit stupid?"
"My prince was too busy concocting up [ <---- you may remove the word "up" ] get rich quick schemes to get a real job, the courts were after him for child support, and any money he did earn he spent on beer and cigarettes."
Not enough SPaGs to earn a lessor star-rating.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you for the six stars and the helpful comments. My word processor must have made the spag when I posted the story. I try to remember the good times and let the bad go. I'm so grateful I knew my son for 16 years. He taught me a lot about love.
-
You're Welcome, I cannot say I understand your pain, but I can sympathize.
Comment from Mabaker
Gee, Prettybluebirds you had it tough. I am the same age as you, and share some of the sadness as you. (I never lost a child.) It is hard to look back down a road shaded by sad memories. Experts say to let go to gain closure. I'm not too sure, the memories are still as raw, so what do you close them from? Regard and sweet hugs. Mabaker
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
|
Gee, Prettybluebirds you had it tough. I am the same age as you, and share some of the sadness as you. (I never lost a child.) It is hard to look back down a road shaded by sad memories. Experts say to let go to gain closure. I'm not too sure, the memories are still as raw, so what do you close them from? Regard and sweet hugs. Mabaker
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
-
Thank you, Mabaker. I decided to remember the good times and forget the bad as much as I can. Hugs to you too.
