Miscellaneous Poems Vol 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Turn off your lights"More poems
18 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
Gosh, this is a pretty darn great octogram :) You have a terrific theme about the night sky and turning out the lights. Your meter is excellent. Love your rhymes, especially shites lol! Yep, you pass the practice sessions and are free to go directly to Saturday's Potlatch Challenge.
One little nit to mention - Sally's last name is spelled Yocom. I got caught spelling it wrong, myself.
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Gosh, this is a pretty darn great octogram :) You have a terrific theme about the night sky and turning out the lights. Your meter is excellent. Love your rhymes, especially shites lol! Yep, you pass the practice sessions and are free to go directly to Saturday's Potlatch Challenge.
One little nit to mention - Sally's last name is spelled Yocom. I got caught spelling it wrong, myself.
Comment Written 26-May-2016
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Hi Joy, you must have had this open for a little while. Gloria already picked me up on the spelling of Sally's name, and I've corrected it. Also, I fixed an oversight in one line where I hadn't rhymed properly. Many thanks for the lovely review - looking forward to seeing what everyone comes up with on Saturday :)
Comment from tfawcus
Nothing better than the vivid panorama of the outback night sky - a sight not seen in our coastal cities - what these city folk are missing! I was amused by your inventive rhyming (eg shites - and the near rhyme of nebula). The jerky rhythm of the Octogram tends to add spice to your protest!
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Nothing better than the vivid panorama of the outback night sky - a sight not seen in our coastal cities - what these city folk are missing! I was amused by your inventive rhyming (eg shites - and the near rhyme of nebula). The jerky rhythm of the Octogram tends to add spice to your protest!
Comment Written 26-May-2016
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Nebula was an oversight - which someone pointed out, and I just fixed (my excuse is it's my first one)...
Thanks for the kind review, Tony. Craig
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Yes - that fits the rhyme scheme better.
Comment from Gloria ....
What an amazing octogram Craig. I too am not a fan of light pollution, not only because you can't see the stars and bats flying in the dark, but also because man made light is very addictive. Not as much as sound, but getting high on the overload radar.
This is to form and ain't it the neatest thing? It's easy on both the ears and the brain even though I'm stepping aside from the wicked incandescent glare.
Super job and we are gonna do this!
Gloria
PS: One change: it's Sally Yocom. That correction was discovered later.
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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What an amazing octogram Craig. I too am not a fan of light pollution, not only because you can't see the stars and bats flying in the dark, but also because man made light is very addictive. Not as much as sound, but getting high on the overload radar.
This is to form and ain't it the neatest thing? It's easy on both the ears and the brain even though I'm stepping aside from the wicked incandescent glare.
Super job and we are gonna do this!
Gloria
PS: One change: it's Sally Yocom. That correction was discovered later.
Comment Written 26-May-2016
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Thanks for setting me straight on Sally's name Gloria - I've corrected that now. See you on Saturday for the real deal :)
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
Hi CD. I usually don't take on a poem that I see a problem with, unless I think I have a 'fix' for it. That's why, no stars taken--I am an amateur reviewer. No one should suffer loss because I think something's wrong. Laugh. But I do have a problem. You have a FINE poem here: the white on dark blue fits perfectly. BUT--ok I can live with shites but "the loss of darkness" rhyme 'cry'. But nebula does not rhyme and I thought maybe like you that the plural would be neb-you-lye, but it's not. The plural rhymes with LEE or las, like in Los Angeles--but seems to me to find another word for cry would be your best best--there are tons of EE rhymes. Anyway check YOUR dictionary and see what you think. That's all I see. Good Hearted Woman
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Hi CD. I usually don't take on a poem that I see a problem with, unless I think I have a 'fix' for it. That's why, no stars taken--I am an amateur reviewer. No one should suffer loss because I think something's wrong. Laugh. But I do have a problem. You have a FINE poem here: the white on dark blue fits perfectly. BUT--ok I can live with shites but "the loss of darkness" rhyme 'cry'. But nebula does not rhyme and I thought maybe like you that the plural would be neb-you-lye, but it's not. The plural rhymes with LEE or las, like in Los Angeles--but seems to me to find another word for cry would be your best best--there are tons of EE rhymes. Anyway check YOUR dictionary and see what you think. That's all I see. Good Hearted Woman
Comment Written 26-May-2016
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Hi Good Hearted Woman. You would have been absolutely correct in deducting that point. I totally missed that, so thanks for the eagle eye! I've corrected it now, much appreciated! Craig
Comment from Lynn27
This is a thought-provoking poem you have written. I love how you expressed your thoughts and the reason why you wanted people to turn off the lights. The night sky is a marvelous thing to observe the warm sunny evening.
Lynn
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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This is a thought-provoking poem you have written. I love how you expressed your thoughts and the reason why you wanted people to turn off the lights. The night sky is a marvelous thing to observe the warm sunny evening.
Lynn
Comment Written 26-May-2016
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Thanks for the thoughtful review, much appreciated. Craig.
Comment from Marykelly
Enjoying the night sky is certainly a pleasure that should be available to anyone who looks up and wonders at the marvelous sight. However, city lights do influence that sight and as much as you want people to turn off their lights you may have to be the one that fixes your problem by leaving the city to examine the night sky.
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Enjoying the night sky is certainly a pleasure that should be available to anyone who looks up and wonders at the marvelous sight. However, city lights do influence that sight and as much as you want people to turn off their lights you may have to be the one that fixes your problem by leaving the city to examine the night sky.
Comment Written 26-May-2016
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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LOL - I already did! Thanks for reviewing :)
Comment from Emily George
I like this form of poetry ''octogram'' it reads well, with the rhythm pronounced and flowing. I have to agree, the sky is a spectacular sight, though I do love the Neon lights, of the city at night. Maybe a time curfew, so that we all can pursue our interests. Love the picture of our wonderful harbour.
''Your wicked incandescent glare obscures my view, but do you care?'' Great line
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reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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I like this form of poetry ''octogram'' it reads well, with the rhythm pronounced and flowing. I have to agree, the sky is a spectacular sight, though I do love the Neon lights, of the city at night. Maybe a time curfew, so that we all can pursue our interests. Love the picture of our wonderful harbour.
''Your wicked incandescent glare obscures my view, but do you care?'' Great line
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-May-2016
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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OK, I'll secretly admit to loving the harbour lights at night as well. I'm lucky enough to live a long way from the city, so the lights there aren't really a problem for me. But for many who live nearby who love the night sky, they are. Maybe you're on to something with the curfew idea! Thanks for the kind review, Craig.
Comment from enitsalemap
I have really enjoyed your poignant point of view in your poetry. I too wish for the wonders of the big sky to be returned to us. We have blotted out so much with our technology. I loved this octogram form which you fulfilled in every way. The demand to turn out your lights, repeated was powerful.
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reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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I have really enjoyed your poignant point of view in your poetry. I too wish for the wonders of the big sky to be returned to us. We have blotted out so much with our technology. I loved this octogram form which you fulfilled in every way. The demand to turn out your lights, repeated was powerful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-May-2016
reply by the author on 26-May-2016
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Thanks so much for the lovely review! It's my first attempt at this form, but I think it's one I'd like to try again. Much appreciated, Craig.
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you are welcome
