Comment from Judy Couch

Excellent

You followed the prompt well. They really detested one another. I wonder what kind of business would have an MD as its head person. One typeo: "in to days world" should be "todays".

 Comment Written 24-May-2016

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reply by the author on 25-May-2016

Thanks very much. Have made the correction. Much appreciated. Best regards. Ulla:))

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

I could see through out this piece of writing the foundation of resentment indeed. You did a nice job telling this story. It just engulfs one.

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 25-May-2016

Thanks ever so much , Angie, for a lovely review. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from RosieCus

Excellent

An excellent contest entry. I particularly enjoyed Charlie's confrontation with David and Paul, revealing her true feelings about them and walking away from her job. Beast of luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 25-May-2016

thanks ever so much. I ended third so not bad.All the best. Ulla:))

reply by RosieCus on 25-May-2016

You're welcome, third place is an achievement. Well done.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing the contempt that each of these people had for each other and let the chips fall after the report hit the fan. after the contest is over you should think about sharing the fallout. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 25-May-2016

Thanks a lot for this very thoughtful review. I ended third, and I am thinking of taking you up on your suggestion to promote it. Thanks again. All the best. Ulla:))

Comment from Eric1

Excellent

Hi Mystery author, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, wonderful story of revenge by the far superior Charlie, excellent characterisation with great dialogue, I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.

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 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 25-May-2016

Hi Eric, thanks very much. I ended third so not bad. I'm pleased for your review and support. All the best.Ulla:))

Comment from fimarie78

Excellent

I enjoyed reading this. It is awful that in today's society, we women are still regarded as inferior in many circles and business.

One of the fabulous reviewers on fan story suggested that my stories were peppered with 'she/he'. I took that on board and I have noticed an immense difference in my writing. I would definitely suggest editing and trying this.

How they could have named her that was beyond her- this is awkward to read. Petronella- what a name! (apologies if it is yours!) Maybe try something like 'what were they thinking?'
Talking of whom, he had to be woken up. - remove the he.

There are so many she/he/her/his in this small section. I would play with it and see how many you can modify.

Paul, didn't like Charlie either, but not so much because she was a woman, but rather because he perceived her as a threat. He felt she was after his job. Little did he realise her true feelings.

best of luck
Fiona





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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thanks so very much. You are right. I was in a hurry to post as I was so late for the contest. I am editing now, and I have already implemented your suggestions. Thanks a lot again. All best.