From out of the Grayness
Viewing comments for Chapter 66 "Passion's Field"Reaching from the gray areas to understand life
34 total reviews
Comment from val fitchie
THOSE FIRST 6 sentences are amongst YOUR best and the world's best....They are written in OLDE ENGLISH sentence style (My eyes reach out to seek a place where I might, but a calm and soothing sonnet yield ) MY GOD, man-how can it get any better than THAT? You're the KING
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
  |
THOSE FIRST 6 sentences are amongst YOUR best and the world's best....They are written in OLDE ENGLISH sentence style (My eyes reach out to seek a place where I might, but a calm and soothing sonnet yield ) MY GOD, man-how can it get any better than THAT? You're the KING
Comment Written 04-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
Sorry val...for all the computer dust! Vance
Comment from lucky linda
Your poem reminded me that to truly feel gratitude one must be quiet and feel natures movement around themselves. (As chilling gifts of GRATITUDE bring cool rain upon these rocks that I had just begun to fear). Good words of wisdom. Thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
|
Your poem reminded me that to truly feel gratitude one must be quiet and feel natures movement around themselves. (As chilling gifts of GRATITUDE bring cool rain upon these rocks that I had just begun to fear). Good words of wisdom. Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
-
Thanks sincerely for such a kind and uplifting message! I'm delighted that my thoughts have lifted you ! Blessings HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment from BeasPeas
This is an older one, Vance, but so nicely done. Gratitude is the key to happiness. Last line is very meaningful.
"For Love exists in GRATITUDE and therein shall yield a bond with GOD that's so very sadly found by few"
Marilyn
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016
|
This is an older one, Vance, but so nicely done. Gratitude is the key to happiness. Last line is very meaningful.
"For Love exists in GRATITUDE and therein shall yield a bond with GOD that's so very sadly found by few"
Marilyn
Comment Written 14-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016
-
thank you dear one for this kind message I am truly GRATEFUL VANCE
-
You're so welcome. Marilyn
Comment from Joan E.
You set the scene dramatically, and I admired your mono-verse rhymes in these stanzas and your deep pondering. I appreciated your wish to communicate "joy and comfort". Best wishes- Joan
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2016
|
You set the scene dramatically, and I admired your mono-verse rhymes in these stanzas and your deep pondering. I appreciated your wish to communicate "joy and comfort". Best wishes- Joan
Comment Written 05-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2016
-
Thank You Sincerely Joan, for your kind review. I am delighted to know that this work and my intentions are appreciated. Please don't be a stranger! Blessings: HIS GRAYNESWS (Vance(
-
Like Arnold Schwartzenegger--I'll be back! -Joan
-
I'll be waiting...! Vance
-
I'll be waiting...! Vance
-
Thank you so much Joan and please stay close! Vance
-
Dear Joan: I will keep trying! ... I promise, Vance
Comment from mountainwriter49
Hi, Vince,
I must say I did indeed enjoy your poem tonight. You write of passion in a passionate tone. Thus, the circle is completed and the reader is able to enjoy the truth of your words because of the passion undergirding them. Your message is important and offers the reader something significant to ponder.
May I offer a suggestion for you to consider?
The lines are way too long. It would be easier for the reader to read and ponder if they were shortened. Why not break them up into shorter lines while still maintaining part of the rhyme pattern? Perhaps an aBcBdB rhyme pattern? Many quatrains are written in an aBcB rhyme pattern. Here's what I'm talking about.
An excellent poem, Vince. One of your best.
Ray
Now, here I sit alone, cross legged,
lost upon the steaming rocks of Passion's field.
My eyes reach out to seek a place where I might,
but a calm and soothing sonnet yield
And yet the wafting steam of [life's] desire
brings only fixed attention to this tangled mind now sealed
Then a storm cloud races fast upon brisk winds of change
as concentration now gathers near
As chilling gifts of GRATITUDE bring cool rain
upon these rocks that I had just begun to fear
Yet now it cleanses deep, my heart and eager mind and shines,
alas my mission bright and clear
Reflect with all the strength of will my heart
and mind may generate, to offer what I believe is true
And pray these lines of deeply pondered thought
may bring a light of joy and comfort deeply within you
For Love exists in GRATITUDE and therein shall yield a bond
with GOD that's so very sadly found by few
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
|
Hi, Vince,
I must say I did indeed enjoy your poem tonight. You write of passion in a passionate tone. Thus, the circle is completed and the reader is able to enjoy the truth of your words because of the passion undergirding them. Your message is important and offers the reader something significant to ponder.
May I offer a suggestion for you to consider?
The lines are way too long. It would be easier for the reader to read and ponder if they were shortened. Why not break them up into shorter lines while still maintaining part of the rhyme pattern? Perhaps an aBcBdB rhyme pattern? Many quatrains are written in an aBcB rhyme pattern. Here's what I'm talking about.
An excellent poem, Vince. One of your best.
Ray
Now, here I sit alone, cross legged,
lost upon the steaming rocks of Passion's field.
My eyes reach out to seek a place where I might,
but a calm and soothing sonnet yield
And yet the wafting steam of [life's] desire
brings only fixed attention to this tangled mind now sealed
Then a storm cloud races fast upon brisk winds of change
as concentration now gathers near
As chilling gifts of GRATITUDE bring cool rain
upon these rocks that I had just begun to fear
Yet now it cleanses deep, my heart and eager mind and shines,
alas my mission bright and clear
Reflect with all the strength of will my heart
and mind may generate, to offer what I believe is true
And pray these lines of deeply pondered thought
may bring a light of joy and comfort deeply within you
For Love exists in GRATITUDE and therein shall yield a bond
with GOD that's so very sadly found by few
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
-
Hi Ray, and thanks so much for your kind and helpful review! I'm always eager to improve my work and so glad to get help from such talented writers as you. Many sincere thanks and I shall re-post with your edit suggestions. All the best & Blessings: Vance
-
You're very welcome, Vance. I'm so pleased you felt my review was of help to you. I really did like this poem and its passion.
R
Comment from P1
hi i just found this. killing time looking at poets
i've never read before. i really enjoyed this and
it did give me a feeling of peace and tranquility
on an otherwise miserable monday. pleased to
have found this
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
|
hi i just found this. killing time looking at poets
i've never read before. i really enjoyed this and
it did give me a feeling of peace and tranquility
on an otherwise miserable monday. pleased to
have found this
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
-
Dear Paige won: so glad to meet you and thank you for your kind review! I'm most delighted that this work touched you in a positive way (as intended) and hope to see you often. I shall also come around and visit your work as well. Kindest Regards: HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment from Selina Stambi
For Love exists in GRATITUDE and therein shall yield a bond with GOD that's so very sadly found by few ... this is a powerful truth. I love the line.
Hello Vance,
It's been awhile since I last reviewed you. Popping in to say hello.
Have a blessed weekend.
Sonali
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
|
For Love exists in GRATITUDE and therein shall yield a bond with GOD that's so very sadly found by few ... this is a powerful truth. I love the line.
Hello Vance,
It's been awhile since I last reviewed you. Popping in to say hello.
Have a blessed weekend.
Sonali
Comment Written 04-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
-
Thanks so much Selina , it's always a delight to hear from you and I appreciate your kind stars. Blessings, Vance
Comment from Dawn Munro
Hi, Vance - what a wonderful metaphor - steaming rocks of Passion's field. I do believe you've hit on the very essence of writing poetry when you say, "Reflect with all the strength of will my heart and mind may generate to offer what I believe is true." Nicely done.
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
|
Hi, Vance - what a wonderful metaphor - steaming rocks of Passion's field. I do believe you've hit on the very essence of writing poetry when you say, "Reflect with all the strength of will my heart and mind may generate to offer what I believe is true." Nicely done.
Comment Written 18-May-2016
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
-
Thanks so much Dawn for your kind review and please accept my sincere apologies for being so tardy in responding! Life often calls us to unplanned circumstances and I'd been called away from any access to Fanstory for awhile. Blessings! Vance
-
You're very welcome, Vance - blessings to you too. :)
Comment from meldarthx
Interesting subject - I love the imagery; there at least to me seems to be a bit of run on sentences that kills the flow of the piece.
I think its a great start though and thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
 |
Interesting subject - I love the imagery; there at least to me seems to be a bit of run on sentences that kills the flow of the piece.
I think its a great start though and thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2016
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
-
Sorry you did not enjoy my work here and thanks so much for your perspectives, much appreciated! HIS GRAYNESS
Comment from Spitfire
Some interesting phrases here:
to this tangled mind now sealed
brisk winds of change
As we age it's hard to accept the new concepts (such as transgender) that threaten the stability of our generation)
chilling gifts of GRATITUDE> such a paradox. How can gratitude be chilling?
I do see how it cleanses and takes us from chilling thoughts which to me would be the rocks.
Just trying to follow your line of thought here, Vance.
I hope you are doing well in your struggle. :-)
Hugs,
Shari
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
|
Some interesting phrases here:
to this tangled mind now sealed
brisk winds of change
As we age it's hard to accept the new concepts (such as transgender) that threaten the stability of our generation)
chilling gifts of GRATITUDE> such a paradox. How can gratitude be chilling?
I do see how it cleanses and takes us from chilling thoughts which to me would be the rocks.
Just trying to follow your line of thought here, Vance.
I hope you are doing well in your struggle. :-)
Hugs,
Shari
Comment Written 17-May-2016
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
-
Hi Shari and please accept my apology for being so tardy in responding to your kind review as life called me away from my computer and FS. In the poem, the subject was sitting on hot rocks in a hot place and the gifts of Gratitude brought the chilling environment.....(as intended, anyway) but clearly...A STRETCH of the imagination. Good perspective from you and many thanks for pointing this out. It's always a GIFT TO HEAR FROM YOU!! Blessings, Vance
