The Girl in the Picture
Short Story-Character Contest18 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
My last coveted six.
But this is one of these entries that pulled at my heart strings.
NOt only did you start the story but took us through the middle to the complete end.
Absolutey breathless
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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My last coveted six.
But this is one of these entries that pulled at my heart strings.
NOt only did you start the story but took us through the middle to the complete end.
Absolutey breathless
Comment Written 28-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Wow, Barb. I'm just so thrilled you liked my story. I worked really hard on this and I had some good advice and help too. WHOOO HOOOOO. Thanks a million, mikey
Comment from ioana.u
You really developed a character, actually all three characters. The story played in my mind like a movie, you made it real with language and details. But if I may say, I wasn't expecting a happy ending, that felt more romantic than real, but that's just my grim POV. And they don't really look Latino in the picture :)
But the story is great, you put a lot of thought into every aspect.
Ioana
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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You really developed a character, actually all three characters. The story played in my mind like a movie, you made it real with language and details. But if I may say, I wasn't expecting a happy ending, that felt more romantic than real, but that's just my grim POV. And they don't really look Latino in the picture :)
But the story is great, you put a lot of thought into every aspect.
Ioana
Comment Written 28-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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They are a little light skinned, but the girl looks exactly like a girlfriend I had who was one hundred percent Mexican. She was from Guadalajara. I confess on the happy ending. I'm just a hopeless romantic. I can't help it. LOL! But, on the way home they could've driven off a cliff if that helps. HAHAHA!
I'm so pleased with all the compliments and that you liked my story. I'm all smiles. Thanks so much, Ioana. mikey
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Well, it was 4 AM here when I read your story, so I guess their features were a bit faded :)
Driving off a cliff... LOL
I am glad my comments made you smile
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Mike.
This is a very romantic story about a papi and his chola. The 19th..a very gangish name it sounds like it's part of La Familia alright. I love all the Spanish names and phrases. I don't get to see here very often. Hablas Espa�±ol? Quien te ayudo?
You have some very romantic sentences...
--Memories that can't find a place to rest in peace... love this.
--A night invading my everything...
# that's Beautiful, just beautiful.
Fortunada Victoriana Consuelo Anunciata, a I love the Spanish names. :)
Blade and Boo, what great names. They have very well developed characters. You played the girl well.lol
Check this word->>
Not me, Murdoch. .........[.waitneg]
A great story. I want to know more about them. They are very simpatico characters.
The story reminded me of West side story, just a little.
Good job, Mike. Thank you for the happy ending.
Good luck with the contest.
I wish I had a sixer. :(
*Gypsy Queen Hugs*
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Hello, Mike.
This is a very romantic story about a papi and his chola. The 19th..a very gangish name it sounds like it's part of La Familia alright. I love all the Spanish names and phrases. I don't get to see here very often. Hablas Espa�±ol? Quien te ayudo?
You have some very romantic sentences...
--Memories that can't find a place to rest in peace... love this.
--A night invading my everything...
# that's Beautiful, just beautiful.
Fortunada Victoriana Consuelo Anunciata, a I love the Spanish names. :)
Blade and Boo, what great names. They have very well developed characters. You played the girl well.lol
Check this word->>
Not me, Murdoch. .........[.waitneg]
A great story. I want to know more about them. They are very simpatico characters.
The story reminded me of West side story, just a little.
Good job, Mike. Thank you for the happy ending.
Good luck with the contest.
I wish I had a sixer. :(
*Gypsy Queen Hugs*
Comment Written 28-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Of course I played the girl well. I've hung out with girls since I was three years old. Guys are worthless. LOL
Love the Spanish language. One of my girlfriends used to work in a pet store and I'd listen to her sell tropical fish in Spanish. HAHAHA! Thrilling. Cool. West Side Story with a happy ending, yes? Thanks so much Gypsy Queen of the West Side Liking the Story of Blade and Boo WHOOO HOOO and the COOL REview for Mikey TOOOOO! Irish Hugs, mikey
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You were a very smart 3-year-old LoL
Are you going to write more about this story?
***Gypsy Queen of the West Side Liking the Story of Blade and Boo WHOOO HOOO and the COOL Review Hugs**
Comment from nordicgirl
No I wish I had that six I spent on you losing your head. It was a given really. Loved this and I know you have some inside knowledge of this. Nice authentic people. I believed the happy ending, why not. NG
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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No I wish I had that six I spent on you losing your head. It was a given really. Loved this and I know you have some inside knowledge of this. Nice authentic people. I believed the happy ending, why not. NG
Comment Written 28-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Yes. I hope it comes across as authentic. A lot of this is first hand. Yeah, the preying mantis is pretty compelling. I'll settle for the well wishes and the heavy endorsement of my happy ending. Gracias, Senorita Bonita. miguel
Comment from DonandVicki
A realy nice twist in this well planed out story Mike. I think if I were dating a girl who's father was named blade I would be very careful indeed.
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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A realy nice twist in this well planed out story Mike. I think if I were dating a girl who's father was named blade I would be very careful indeed.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Yep. I hear ya. That was my nickname in high school. How would you feel about your daughter dating "Blade", HAHAHA! No, nothing to do with knives. Guitar and other things. LOL mikey
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, sir, nowadays chicks scratch their balls just like a man, while most of the so-called men shake their tail feathers, doing the dance of the sugarplum fairies. Really and outstanding read. I just wish I had one of those sixes to give you. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Yes, sir, nowadays chicks scratch their balls just like a man, while most of the so-called men shake their tail feathers, doing the dance of the sugarplum fairies. Really and outstanding read. I just wish I had one of those sixes to give you. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 28-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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No worries about the sixes. Just glad you liked the story. Yeah, chicks got some balls anymore and yep, sometimes bigger than a lot of the so-called men. LOL mikey
Comment from lightink
It's crazy how romantic the wording was at the beginning - later it toughened up a bit - and al lot when the guys spoke! You picked a rather rough world and portrayed some of its horrors that was quite a contrast for the sweet romance!
It was a beautiful ending! I knew a couple of people who were parts of gangs but managed to get out! That's a piece of reality that's way beyond everything I ever experienced...
Great writing, and fascinating observation about the gender switch in writing :)!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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It's crazy how romantic the wording was at the beginning - later it toughened up a bit - and al lot when the guys spoke! You picked a rather rough world and portrayed some of its horrors that was quite a contrast for the sweet romance!
It was a beautiful ending! I knew a couple of people who were parts of gangs but managed to get out! That's a piece of reality that's way beyond everything I ever experienced...
Great writing, and fascinating observation about the gender switch in writing :)!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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I'm so pleased you liked the beginning. I wanted to set a romantic tone just to put it in the readers mind because I knew it would get harsh as the story progressed. But that romantic thing would be in there somewhere lurking. LOL
So glad you liked this. I'm rather hopelessly romantic, so this is typical. HAHAHA! mikey
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Mikey, you're a bit of a modern day Shakespeare, you're romantic, you love drama, you like complexity and write crazy quickly... not to mention, you're all ready to toss the rules aside, while fully capable of following them... :)
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mikey
WOW! A great story, it kept me absorbed the whole way through. I think your did well from a female POV. I didn't read the contest requirements before reading, though I think I have it right ... character development? It seems to me you have covered both characters well ... the first half, Vicki, then Frankie ... the closing paragraph ... the both come together ... could have been a different ending, I'm pleased you chose the self-betterment one. :)) Great work and fine entry for the contest. I will try and be there for the vote. I wish you the best of luck.
A few typos: -
"They called me thusly .." imho, I would remove the 'ly' and just use "just". :)
"The few times I could to(delete this to) talk to Frankie"
"Count time.(space)Everybody up."
"To not participate mad(e) you the next target,"
"would have to work fast to get thrown in to (into) solitary ..."
"Is that what it is, You (remove the capitol 'Y') want to see"
"years (apostrophe 's) Christmas Turkey.(space)The thought of you fawning over that gal like some chick romance novel(comma) is an affront to every penis toting man in America."
"I've got a job waitnig (waiting) for me."
"Why tell him.(?) I can't predict who's walking out of that prison."
Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Hi Mikey
WOW! A great story, it kept me absorbed the whole way through. I think your did well from a female POV. I didn't read the contest requirements before reading, though I think I have it right ... character development? It seems to me you have covered both characters well ... the first half, Vicki, then Frankie ... the closing paragraph ... the both come together ... could have been a different ending, I'm pleased you chose the self-betterment one. :)) Great work and fine entry for the contest. I will try and be there for the vote. I wish you the best of luck.
A few typos: -
"They called me thusly .." imho, I would remove the 'ly' and just use "just". :)
"The few times I could to(delete this to) talk to Frankie"
"Count time.(space)Everybody up."
"To not participate mad(e) you the next target,"
"would have to work fast to get thrown in to (into) solitary ..."
"Is that what it is, You (remove the capitol 'Y') want to see"
"years (apostrophe 's) Christmas Turkey.(space)The thought of you fawning over that gal like some chick romance novel(comma) is an affront to every penis toting man in America."
"I've got a job waitnig (waiting) for me."
"Why tell him.(?) I can't predict who's walking out of that prison."
Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Sorry to take so long. I fixed the typos and stuff right away so thanks for the help there.
I'm delighted you liked this. Wow. I tried to just write and not make a special effort to "write like a girl". LOL I was hoping I knew enough about girls to just get it right. I've had a couple lesbians tell me that I'm not really a man. HAHAHAHAHA! They meant it as a compliment. I have trouble going for a non-happy ending. I had a story turn into a book because I just couldn't kill the main character off. LOL
Thanks so much, mikey
