Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Picture"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
6 total reviews
Comment from mfowler
This story has really moved on since I last touched base. These descriptions of Beth and Donna Anderson are great and their meeting is described very effectively. I have a real sense of Beth's commanding beauty and her implication in Cody's life. Not too much is revealed for me as a vagrant reviewer, but that doesn't deter from the scene you've created. I like your attention to detail in sequences like:
Donna Anderson removed a newspaper clipping, and an accompanying color photograph, out of her turquoise Gucci purse
I have a couple of suggestions which I think might help:
The Night Watch ...this needs inverted commas or to be italicised to distinguish it within the text.
"You look ravishingly stunning this evening, my Dear," she complimented Beth with a broad grin on her rotund face. ...IF you read this descriptive tag carefully, it reads literally as if Beth has used a board grin to say the words. Of course, that's not what you're saying. This would be clearer:
"You look ravishingly stunning this evening, my Dear," she complimented Beth, a broad grin on her rotund face.
I'll look in when I'm about. Hope that helps.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2016
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This story has really moved on since I last touched base. These descriptions of Beth and Donna Anderson are great and their meeting is described very effectively. I have a real sense of Beth's commanding beauty and her implication in Cody's life. Not too much is revealed for me as a vagrant reviewer, but that doesn't deter from the scene you've created. I like your attention to detail in sequences like:
Donna Anderson removed a newspaper clipping, and an accompanying color photograph, out of her turquoise Gucci purse
I have a couple of suggestions which I think might help:
The Night Watch ...this needs inverted commas or to be italicised to distinguish it within the text.
"You look ravishingly stunning this evening, my Dear," she complimented Beth with a broad grin on her rotund face. ...IF you read this descriptive tag carefully, it reads literally as if Beth has used a board grin to say the words. Of course, that's not what you're saying. This would be clearer:
"You look ravishingly stunning this evening, my Dear," she complimented Beth, a broad grin on her rotund face.
I'll look in when I'm about. Hope that helps.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2016
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Noted and corrected. Appreciate it as always. Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from judiverse
Beth makes an interesting character in this episode. She knows what she wants, and Cody seems the right kid for the role. Just the boy's picture and story are enough to convince her, sight unseen. With her firm belief that he's right for the role, I would imagine she will be able to convince others.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Beth makes an interesting character in this episode. She knows what she wants, and Cody seems the right kid for the role. Just the boy's picture and story are enough to convince her, sight unseen. With her firm belief that he's right for the role, I would imagine she will be able to convince others.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
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You're very welcome. The search is on for the next star! judi
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You're quite welcome. Happy trails. judi
Comment from misscookie
You captured my attention from the first line to the last.
And the artwork you choose to go with your story is a perfect match
I enjoyed reading this chapter.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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You captured my attention from the first line to the last.
And the artwork you choose to go with your story is a perfect match
I enjoyed reading this chapter.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 22-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Thanks, as always miss cookie.
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You're very welcome.
Have a blessed Sunday.
Cookie
Comment from Ricky1024
hi Brad I wasn't familiar with a silent partner as kids but when I think of Johnny Orr where's Johnny or here's Johnny you I think Johnny Carson and I thought this would have made it and made a neat story of how they found the person to do the very first major talk show on the network on Johnny Carson when he was very young but the nevertheless it was still very interesting and well-written but you didn't post whether or not they actually used that child that survived the car accident or this was a fictional piece alright thanks Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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hi Brad I wasn't familiar with a silent partner as kids but when I think of Johnny Orr where's Johnny or here's Johnny you I think Johnny Carson and I thought this would have made it and made a neat story of how they found the person to do the very first major talk show on the network on Johnny Carson when he was very young but the nevertheless it was still very interesting and well-written but you didn't post whether or not they actually used that child that survived the car accident or this was a fictional piece alright thanks Ricky 1024
Comment Written 22-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Nice invitation to read on.
No problems noted in the writing. No corrections to be made.
Easy to read and understand and interesting enough to see where it takes you.
Nicely done
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Nice invitation to read on.
No problems noted in the writing. No corrections to be made.
Easy to read and understand and interesting enough to see where it takes you.
Nicely done
Comment Written 22-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from c_lucas
Some of the most photogenic stars have been found in the most unusual places. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Some of the most photogenic stars have been found in the most unusual places. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
