Comment from jmj123

Excellent

hey wow..great poem ..not saying i understand it all but its very deep on many levels and very good on all levels..it seems to be very personal .. talented write my friend

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016

Thank you, it is personal and healing.

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

Not sure about this poem and the qualifications of the rules. Must agree with the poet about a different type of rainbow. No doubt it brought a variety of colors. Best to you in the contest.

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016

Thank you . I understand your concern and appreciate your review. I received a beautiful poem from my son about the times we went through back then and I had to write. Contest or no contest it was for him. I wish I could post his, but those are his words not mine. I rarely let life get to me anymore. I have a wonderful life, but I have been crying all day after he wrote to me. Words are powerful healers when used with kindness. He writes in the same style I do. Today I know he forgives me for my part in the violent past we lived. It wasn't written for the contest.

Comment from Joyce Long

Excellent

Best wishes for the What if? contest. This is really quite a poem and says so very much. But, the letter of forgiveness is really touching. I can't imagine a life without the necessary things. I have really been blessed. Thank you for sharing. Your poem is really well written.
Joyce 04-20-16

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016

Thank you , my son truly wrote me a poem yesterday that I wish I could share. but it is his words not mine. It is written in the same style I write and it was full of pain and understanding. I don't usually let life get to me but today tears come easily.

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

What a wonderful positive poem of self resurrection for you and your family. Whether true or not, it is an inspiration to others who may stay too long in an abusive relationship. Excellent write. Marilyn

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. it was true but life is wonderful now.

Comment from babyross

Excellent

Being able to re-harvest the gold of life after a storm brings the best gold from our rainbow of promise. I like your short stanzas as well as the five lines, all push power towards the end of the rainbow. Nice!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. my son did write me last night a poem of forgiveness. I needed it. I so appreciate your words.

Comment from Marykelly

Exceptional

The rainbow as a metaphor for renewed life is very creative and listing the colors to represent the aspects of the new way of life fills out the metaphor. There are two lives described in a before and after way. Before was depravation and hardship, after is a new beginning and they are depicted with the absence of color and the richness of color. well done

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. My son did write me a letter, in the form of a poem last night. I can't publish it , Those are his words not mine, but I had to write this today.

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

You just entered first place in this contest in my opinion as this is so precious and brilliantly perfect. Wow, how inspiring and uplifting. Spectacular.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016

Thank you so much . I rarely let life get to me. Last night my oldest son wrote me a poem. This morning I could not stop crying, I went to work and then left. I wanted to call my best friend Krissie and share it with her but she died suddenly in November. She would need no back story, she knew me too well. It is his words and I cannot publish them. But could you listen to them for me and you will see what I mean.

What a Wonderful day
by
Nik Lentz

I once stood outside at gas station with my mother.
Tears in her eyes..
as she scratched through lottery ticket after lottery ticket

A loser
A loser
A loser
A loser

and yet again.

another fuckin loss.

Her finger tips bright silver,
Her soul crushed,
We stood in silence.

For being 5 foot nothin and a little heavy for her size,
my mother had one of the best chins in the game

and tonight, it would be tested.

Puzzled, but in no hurry to get back to our broken and violent home,
We stood
Together

Why not just buy beer like she was suppose to?
Why waste money on a insignificant chance at riches?
Why do we live in a dangerous place, with no money, no food, no time, no fun

a horrid waste of existing in a fear based duplex'ial nightmare of limited space and a fear so deep it literally shook our bones and rotted our teeth.

Nope
Silence was definitely what the doctor order

So we waited,
backs against the hot concrete,
Both thinking of what our duty meant to us.

Could we abandon our post tonight!

Let the hammer of Budweiser swing past our heads and land

just ONE time on someone else.

Could we for one day be a family that didn't run on alcohol and broken dreams?

Could we go home and have a real American diner?

Instead of
Long noodle
Short noodle
Brick noodle
Crunchy noodle
or
Whatever the fuck name you can make up,
to pretend that you're not eating the same pack of Roman Noodle soup
you ate the day before,
and the day before that,
and the months before that one!

Could we realize in this moment
That overtime, the Tennessee Butcher would get us all!!
and nothing we did, no bomb we fell on or beating we took
Would lesson the teachings of sadistic pleasure that we all learned in the secret society that was our family?

We could!

but we didn't

and in that moment,
next to a gas station,
in the hot sun of a Texas summer,

We looked into each other eyes, reach out our hands, interlocked our fingers, put a smile on our faces

and started our slow death march towards the American dream.

And I shit you not..

we sang "Hakuna Matata"