Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Prologue "Introduction"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
36 total reviews
Comment from Swampfox1
It is well-written. The one thing I question is the armchair approach in this chapter which I have been told to never undertake. This was told to me at the University I attended. It was told to me by a resident Author whose class I had taken, the name of the class was "Creative Writing". He didn't make a million dollars with his work but he was signed up by a New York Publisher, which is quite a feet for someone living deep in the Louisiana swamps. I like the prose as you present it. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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It is well-written. The one thing I question is the armchair approach in this chapter which I have been told to never undertake. This was told to me at the University I attended. It was told to me by a resident Author whose class I had taken, the name of the class was "Creative Writing". He didn't make a million dollars with his work but he was signed up by a New York Publisher, which is quite a feet for someone living deep in the Louisiana swamps. I like the prose as you present it. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story. Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from Ferkit
First, I had to giggle at your patented hissy fit. But I do understand the disappointment.
Second, I like the first person narrative. It paints a charming "let's get to know each other over a drink" setting. Great start to an intriguing plot.
Great job. Good luck if you choose to resubmit the story to S &S.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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First, I had to giggle at your patented hissy fit. But I do understand the disappointment.
Second, I like the first person narrative. It paints a charming "let's get to know each other over a drink" setting. Great start to an intriguing plot.
Great job. Good luck if you choose to resubmit the story to S &S.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your input. I wasn't sure I agreed with the publisher. Still not. Jury remains out waiting for more responses from other FanStorians before I decide which route to follow.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Another good Cody story.
Well told, easy to follow, the story is interesting and has a light side.
You have brought a lot of people into this conversation and handled it all quite well.
Sharon
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Another good Cody story.
Well told, easy to follow, the story is interesting and has a light side.
You have brought a lot of people into this conversation and handled it all quite well.
Sharon
Comment Written 15-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
In this part of the work, others have well been introduced and good interactions are over, but I liked introduction of Cody the main character of this fiction, his brave act has well been cited; I enjoyed. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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In this part of the work, others have well been introduced and good interactions are over, but I liked introduction of Cody the main character of this fiction, his brave act has well been cited; I enjoyed. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 15-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Much more to come so I invite you to ride along.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
A bit of a different approach, with the TV series intro! I haven't read your work before, I don't think. I enjoyed the scene. Being a prose writer, the adverbs kind of jumped out at me, but if this is written as a kind of 'script', then I'm not sure it really matters. I like Cody's character immediately! The librarian and Principal not so much. LOL!
A well written and pleasant read!
Av
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2016
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A bit of a different approach, with the TV series intro! I haven't read your work before, I don't think. I enjoyed the scene. Being a prose writer, the adverbs kind of jumped out at me, but if this is written as a kind of 'script', then I'm not sure it really matters. I like Cody's character immediately! The librarian and Principal not so much. LOL!
A well written and pleasant read!
Av
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2016
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Welcome aboard the Cody Schroder Express.
Many FanStorians have been riding these rails for a long time...and enjoying what they are finding here tremendously.
Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.
Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Kelly2
Very good characterizations, on Cody, the librarian and the principal, the latter two of whom are not very kind. I haven't read any of the Cody chapters you have, since I am somewhat new here. So I get to start fresh. I hope the following chapters are going to follow.
I live outside of Nashville, in Lebanaon. Are you in Nashville?
I thought it was very short, but I guess that's not your fault. I'll just have to wait until the rest comes out. Great beginning!
Kelly
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Very good characterizations, on Cody, the librarian and the principal, the latter two of whom are not very kind. I haven't read any of the Cody chapters you have, since I am somewhat new here. So I get to start fresh. I hope the following chapters are going to follow.
I live outside of Nashville, in Lebanaon. Are you in Nashville?
I thought it was very short, but I guess that's not your fault. I'll just have to wait until the rest comes out. Great beginning!
Kelly
Comment Written 17-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Thanks for the review.
I try to keep the chapters to around 500 to 600 words each.
Hendersonville to be exact.
Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.
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I am getting ready to post my first chapter of my book "Cry Me a River" but it's actually over 3000 words, so I have to cut it off and maybe make it three postings. It's a little hard to do when there isn't a natural break.
Comment from Alex Rosel
The peaceful farming community of Astatula stands along the fertile bank of the mighty Brazos River under the hot West Texas sun. - This is a beautiful first sentence. It serves well in setting the scene.
Searching for the proverbial needle in the haystack that ties the murders together - I realise you qualify your wording here, but needle in a haystack is a cliche that's weak writing. Personally, I'd avoid using it altogether, qualified or not.
I like how you abruptly shift scenes with your forth paragraph. Shifting keeps the reader on their toes. It helps to intrigue and maintain interest/pace. You demonstrate good technique here.
...coke-bottle eyeglasses - This is good imagery with an economy of words. :-)
Is a third encounter with Big Bertha required to get the message through? - I love this. So evocative. It gets a thumbs up from me.
Once outside in the bright sunlight, Cody snatches his blue BMX Mongoose off the bike rack and mounts the two-wheeler. - An uplifting finish with the promise of brightness to come. This is excellent structuring.
Overall:
I enjoyed reading this. I look forward to reading the continuing story as and when time allows. Well done.
A couple of points you may like to consider:
You might want to experiment with showing rather than telling. Beta readers could give you feedback, allowing you to assess if it gives the possibility of increasing the impact upon your style.
Beware the thesaurus when considering he/she said.
Keep writing :-)
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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The peaceful farming community of Astatula stands along the fertile bank of the mighty Brazos River under the hot West Texas sun. - This is a beautiful first sentence. It serves well in setting the scene.
Searching for the proverbial needle in the haystack that ties the murders together - I realise you qualify your wording here, but needle in a haystack is a cliche that's weak writing. Personally, I'd avoid using it altogether, qualified or not.
I like how you abruptly shift scenes with your forth paragraph. Shifting keeps the reader on their toes. It helps to intrigue and maintain interest/pace. You demonstrate good technique here.
...coke-bottle eyeglasses - This is good imagery with an economy of words. :-)
Is a third encounter with Big Bertha required to get the message through? - I love this. So evocative. It gets a thumbs up from me.
Once outside in the bright sunlight, Cody snatches his blue BMX Mongoose off the bike rack and mounts the two-wheeler. - An uplifting finish with the promise of brightness to come. This is excellent structuring.
Overall:
I enjoyed reading this. I look forward to reading the continuing story as and when time allows. Well done.
A couple of points you may like to consider:
You might want to experiment with showing rather than telling. Beta readers could give you feedback, allowing you to assess if it gives the possibility of increasing the impact upon your style.
Beware the thesaurus when considering he/she said.
Keep writing :-)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed this portion of the book.
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My pleasure :-)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good chapter. Don't know what to make of Cody yet. Or the school. Sounds fairly tame and standard so far. What does a little boy have to do with a killer, I wonder.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Good chapter. Don't know what to make of Cody yet. Or the school. Sounds fairly tame and standard so far. What does a little boy have to do with a killer, I wonder.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Thanks for the review.
Since you are not familiar with the book I will tell you Cody has everything to do with the killer.
The book may start off "tame" as you put it, but believe me, it does not stay "tame".
Far from it.
Perhaps you will read other portions of it as well.
This one was a rewrite of the version of the story that is being produced for a live performance here in Nashville.
Comment from Joonas Huhta
This was a pleasant read. The story has a peaceful tone to it and it flows fluently and the characters are vivid, and there is also an interesting element of threat looming in the background.
I especially liked your describing words, like "well-manicured grassy hill" and "eggshell-white".
"Then from now on see to it that you walk slowly in the hallways of my school!" the Principal strongly warns the boy, "You will not be told again!" -- At this point as a reader I would like to see the Principal's physical reactions, like if he is angry the red could rise higher on his face or something like that. That might pay off with more emotional attachment, more connectivity to the story, if you know what I mean.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016
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This was a pleasant read. The story has a peaceful tone to it and it flows fluently and the characters are vivid, and there is also an interesting element of threat looming in the background.
I especially liked your describing words, like "well-manicured grassy hill" and "eggshell-white".
"Then from now on see to it that you walk slowly in the hallways of my school!" the Principal strongly warns the boy, "You will not be told again!" -- At this point as a reader I would like to see the Principal's physical reactions, like if he is angry the red could rise higher on his face or something like that. That might pay off with more emotional attachment, more connectivity to the story, if you know what I mean.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016
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Appreciate the review and I did incorporate your suggestions into the storyline.
Comment from Ricky1024
Nice and now..
On to your review...
Adjective Content was wonderful as well as Objective Content and based on theme and Imagery.
And, on a scale of one to one hundred...
100!
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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Nice and now..
On to your review...
Adjective Content was wonderful as well as Objective Content and based on theme and Imagery.
And, on a scale of one to one hundred...
100!
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 23-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
