Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Prologue "Introduction"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
36 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Great setting description: "Dimmed lights and thick cigarette smoke filled the inside of the bar." Storms are often examples of foreshadowing. The reader is given cause to pause: ""Don't glance around the room and wonder who I'm addressing this comment to? Yes, it's you, reader." You've got the reader's attention: "But, there is a reason I told you these interesting tidbits about Astatula and I plan to keep right on talking for some time to come." On to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Great setting description: "Dimmed lights and thick cigarette smoke filled the inside of the bar." Storms are often examples of foreshadowing. The reader is given cause to pause: ""Don't glance around the room and wonder who I'm addressing this comment to? Yes, it's you, reader." You've got the reader's attention: "But, there is a reason I told you these interesting tidbits about Astatula and I plan to keep right on talking for some time to come." On to the next chapter.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Appreciate the review.
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I like how you address the reader, I like doing that too
Comment from Ulla
Hi Brett, so does that mean we're back to read a bout Cody again? I follow for quite a while. Well, I'll be waiting to see what's happening. As an intro, I found this rather long. All best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Hi Brett, so does that mean we're back to read a bout Cody again? I follow for quite a while. Well, I'll be waiting to see what's happening. As an intro, I found this rather long. All best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thanks. Yes, I am finalizing Cody so I can publish him. Enjoy!
Comment from LynnetteOK
I'm so glad you reposted this so I can get in on the beginning. This looks like it's going to be a really good story. I like the tone of it, the way the reader is included.
On to the next part!
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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I'm so glad you reposted this so I can get in on the beginning. This looks like it's going to be a really good story. I like the tone of it, the way the reader is included.
On to the next part!
Comment Written 05-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thanks. Glad you enjoyed this portion. Much more to come.
Comment from Sanku
Poignant story of family life and resilience of human spirit...I am waiting to read that story,
true , self reflection and candour can bring out most wonderful memories.
I am sure your friendship is solid steel having gone through trials and tribulations..
All the best and i enjoyed reading this flagging off the memory train
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Poignant story of family life and resilience of human spirit...I am waiting to read that story,
true , self reflection and candour can bring out most wonderful memories.
I am sure your friendship is solid steel having gone through trials and tribulations..
All the best and i enjoyed reading this flagging off the memory train
Comment Written 05-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate the comments and review.
Comment from JDRBAR
If it's honesty you want, it's honesty you'll get. I've never read any of your "Cody" stories, and after reading just the first few paragraphs, I have to say that I was not compelled to continue reading.
The first few pages are crucial for drawing a reader into a story.
I question the use of quote marks for some things the narrator says, while not doing so for others. Generally, the narrator should use quote marks only for those, other than himself, who are speaking.
In addition, the POV must remain consistent. Either he is talking in a conversational manner to the reader, or he is a third person narrator. He can't be both.
I hope I haven't offended you, but you asked for honesty.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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If it's honesty you want, it's honesty you'll get. I've never read any of your "Cody" stories, and after reading just the first few paragraphs, I have to say that I was not compelled to continue reading.
The first few pages are crucial for drawing a reader into a story.
I question the use of quote marks for some things the narrator says, while not doing so for others. Generally, the narrator should use quote marks only for those, other than himself, who are speaking.
In addition, the POV must remain consistent. Either he is talking in a conversational manner to the reader, or he is a third person narrator. He can't be both.
I hope I haven't offended you, but you asked for honesty.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your honest review. Certainly appreciate what you had to say. No, I definitely was not offended. Honest reviews are what helps a writer improve their craft. While sugary reviews may be sweet they don't do crap for a writer except draw flies. So, keep those honest reviews coming.
Comment from Sankey
Lovely to be back with Cody again. I guess from a different angle and probably some new insights we have not read before. One tiny spag, old mate. "I'[m](ve) had him since he hatched out of the egg."
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Lovely to be back with Cody again. I guess from a different angle and probably some new insights we have not read before. One tiny spag, old mate. "I'[m](ve) had him since he hatched out of the egg."
Comment Written 05-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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As always, appreciate it very much.
Comment from Katya
This is good writing. I've gone back from the up for review stuff to your portfolio to read the earlier segments. Glad I did.
Minor note: "audibilize" ?? really! Maybe "vocalize" ??
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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This is good writing. I've gone back from the up for review stuff to your portfolio to read the earlier segments. Glad I did.
Minor note: "audibilize" ?? really! Maybe "vocalize" ??
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi ,
This is a fine introduction to the town of Astatula and the surrounding landscape
which sets the scene quite effectively.
The character description is also thorough and seems quite realistic.
The introduction of murder afoot also sets up the story for future developments.
I like the inclusion and 'drawing in' of the reader and affirmation of the important facts.
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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Hi ,
This is a fine introduction to the town of Astatula and the surrounding landscape
which sets the scene quite effectively.
The character description is also thorough and seems quite realistic.
The introduction of murder afoot also sets up the story for future developments.
I like the inclusion and 'drawing in' of the reader and affirmation of the important facts.
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 23-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story. Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from Sugarray77
You have created a good beginning to this tale. Your character development and setting are easily recognized and enhanced by vivid descriptions and words. Well done.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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You have created a good beginning to this tale. Your character development and setting are easily recognized and enhanced by vivid descriptions and words. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Susan Burger
This is a very nice beginning to your book. I like what you have so far. I will look forward to more of Evan's adventures and just what this story is that he has to share with us.
Good luck with the rest of your story coming together!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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This is a very nice beginning to your book. I like what you have so far. I will look forward to more of Evan's adventures and just what this story is that he has to share with us.
Good luck with the rest of your story coming together!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this part of Cody's story. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
