A Tale of Horror
Flash Fiction Found contest entry20 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
The story held me from first to last. I am trying to work ork out why I came to the conclusion that this was pure fiction well before the end, when I then read the note confirming that fact. I have read so much of this sort of thing both in prose and poetry on this site, some of it fact and some fiction. I can usually spot which is which, but i often don't know why.
Perhaps it is the almost journalistc way in which this is written. We get all the facts we need but very little of the humanity of any of the three characters. There is no build up of tension. When I first read it I thought perhaps it was because you could not bear to delve deeper into your fears (at that stage I thought it might still be true) but later I realised that it was intentional.
I think perhaps the fear could build up gradually, tell us the sounds of hifootsteps as they approach as they stop outside the door. Build an atmosphere. That sort of thing. It wouldn't make it too long, a line or two here and there would suffice. Then it would indeed be excellent becaus it has the pace.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
   |
The story held me from first to last. I am trying to work ork out why I came to the conclusion that this was pure fiction well before the end, when I then read the note confirming that fact. I have read so much of this sort of thing both in prose and poetry on this site, some of it fact and some fiction. I can usually spot which is which, but i often don't know why.
Perhaps it is the almost journalistc way in which this is written. We get all the facts we need but very little of the humanity of any of the three characters. There is no build up of tension. When I first read it I thought perhaps it was because you could not bear to delve deeper into your fears (at that stage I thought it might still be true) but later I realised that it was intentional.
I think perhaps the fear could build up gradually, tell us the sounds of hifootsteps as they approach as they stop outside the door. Build an atmosphere. That sort of thing. It wouldn't make it too long, a line or two here and there would suffice. Then it would indeed be excellent becaus it has the pace.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
-
Hi Pantygynt,
I've often been told that the point of Flash Fiction is to cut anything that isn't an essential fact to the story? It is funny, because I've had the ratings downgraded for doing exactly what you have suggested. I used the maximum 1000 words allowed. What would you cut to add what you've suggested? Certainly, if it were to be a full length short story the details could be added. 1000 words add up quickly when you are trying to tell a complete story, that is for sure. I included the note at the end that it was fiction because I didn't want all the reviews to be sympathetic for any trauma I may have experienced in childhood. I'm certainly open to suggestions if you think there are details I could have left out to get the effect you were looking for in the story.
Thanks for taking the time to read and lend your thoughts.
Kim
-
The rules including the word limit were not displayed so I wasn't aware that you were right on the limit. To be honest I missed that it was flash fiction. Had I seen it I would probably not have reviewed it as it is not a literary form with which I have any sympathy, probably for all the reasons I mentioned. Sorry. I should have left it well alone.
-
No worries :) The fact that it held your interest from beginning to end and you found the story plausible works for me :) I appreciate you taking the time to express your thoughts. In the past I've actually had difficulty with Flash Fiction because I tend to bog it down in details. Just working on that skill, a bit. Was that Dragnet, "Nothing but the facts, Ma'am." ;)
I always appreciate what you have to offer and lend more weight to your reviews than most others here.
Thanks for taking the time with this one.
Kim
-
I went back and added all of the 'rules' to the author's notes. I guess I hadn't paid attention myself. Usually with a prompt the rules all go in automatically, perhaps that is just with the site prompts. See, something good came of your review. :)
-
I'm sorry Kim. I should have looked closer.
-
It is really, ok, Jim. (I got that right, right? lol) I'm not that person who is going to lose my head over a 4. I'd much rather have your honest thoughts. :) I was really ready to take a second look if you thought I could squeeze out a line or two somewhere else to be effective with your suggestions.
As a matter of fact, while we're at it, I'm sorry, too. On the limerick thing the other day. I'm always up for you to call out my meter, I do swear I'm tone deaf. Either that or my brain just compensates because it knows what it sounds like in my head. I read it allowed and make it work, I think. I had a splitting headache all day that day and I should have just put the computer away (I did eventually) rather than replying to anything. I just couldn't look at them any longer. Reading so many limericks in a row wasn't good for my brain lol Not funny, but funny, you know?
That, and you get so many conflicting reviews. That is what I meant by sometimes I think things scan differently from this side of the pond. The American contingent seemed to have a differing opinion. It gets hard to tell sometimes lol
Please don't ever hesitate to give me your honest thoughts about anything I've written. I know it isn't all fantastic, or sometimes even marginal. :)
Kim
Comment from Helen Bach
Gripping reading from the first 'til last word. I bought every line as truth, it was so well written and harrowing. I felt such relief to then read your authors notes and read that it was all fiction. Believable characters formed quickly and in so few words. Your talented pen stretches beyond your poetry. An excellent read xx
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
|
Gripping reading from the first 'til last word. I bought every line as truth, it was so well written and harrowing. I felt such relief to then read your authors notes and read that it was all fiction. Believable characters formed quickly and in so few words. Your talented pen stretches beyond your poetry. An excellent read xx
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
-
Thank you, Helen. Your reviews are tremendous. Thank you for the kind comments and for taking the time to review :)
Kim
Comment from CD Richards
A very well written story, Kim. You've woven it in nicely with the first part of that sentence from the Stephen King novel.
A couple of very minor corrections:
Though I tried to stay out of his way, Mom was working extra shifts to make up the rent money and I was the sole whipping post for him to take out his aggressions.
[aggression]
It was shortly after my grandparent's fatal car accident that Mom had an aneurysm.
[grandparents']
Terrific job, best of luck in the contest; it should do very well :)
Craig
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
|
A very well written story, Kim. You've woven it in nicely with the first part of that sentence from the Stephen King novel.
A couple of very minor corrections:
Though I tried to stay out of his way, Mom was working extra shifts to make up the rent money and I was the sole whipping post for him to take out his aggressions.
[aggression]
It was shortly after my grandparent's fatal car accident that Mom had an aneurysm.
[grandparents']
Terrific job, best of luck in the contest; it should do very well :)
Craig
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
-
Hi Craig!
Thanks for the keen eye :) I'll go fix those two spots! I appreciate the time you spent to read and comment.
Kim
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A great imaginative horror life of a young child. Your story is fictional but there is many real stories that have this scenariobas a reality.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
|
A great imaginative horror life of a young child. Your story is fictional but there is many real stories that have this scenariobas a reality.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
-
Hi Sandra,
I know there are and I really wish there wasn't :( abusing a child is the greatest horror imaginable. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Kim
Comment from lightink
This is such a believable portrayal of abuse! In theory, telling a teacher was a good idea. The bruises should be sufficient evidence! What horror with a semi- happy end! She finally had some security but a lot of who she was was beaten out of her by then! Good writing!
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
|
This is such a believable portrayal of abuse! In theory, telling a teacher was a good idea. The bruises should be sufficient evidence! What horror with a semi- happy end! She finally had some security but a lot of who she was was beaten out of her by then! Good writing!
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
-
Thank you for a great review, Jyoti! I appreciate all of the comments and you taking the time to read my flash fiction piece. :)
Kim
Comment from Linda Engel
This certainly could be a real situation in any girl's life. Abuse is the horror. Good thing he was known as a drunk so when he feel down the stairs.....Oh Well! Children will do the unmentionable when pushed and threatened.
It was a good story that held my attention. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
|
This certainly could be a real situation in any girl's life. Abuse is the horror. Good thing he was known as a drunk so when he feel down the stairs.....Oh Well! Children will do the unmentionable when pushed and threatened.
It was a good story that held my attention. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
-
Hi Linda!
I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Thank you for all of your comments and good luck wishes.
Kim
Comment from foxangie123
Wow another amazing write I would love to give six stars for. Sorry I am out and regretting it. I can be there to vote though. You are awesome...... Keep it up....xo
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
|
Wow another amazing write I would love to give six stars for. Sorry I am out and regretting it. I can be there to vote though. You are awesome...... Keep it up....xo
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
-
Thanks, Angie! A virtual six is perfect, too! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment faithfully.
Kim
-
Hugs flying your way..
Comment from wilkswrites
Dovey
What a story! What a story! I was eating some cheetos as I read this, but I never looked away from the page. Your story is simply fantastic. I couldn't stop. Can't wait to read more. You write like pro!! Great Job.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
|
Dovey
What a story! What a story! I was eating some cheetos as I read this, but I never looked away from the page. Your story is simply fantastic. I couldn't stop. Can't wait to read more. You write like pro!! Great Job.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
-
Thank you for this most enthusiastic review! I truly appreciate the kind comments and you taking the time to read my story.
Kim
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I am very glad it is fiction. There are a couple places Mom" should be capitalized as used as a proper name. I think you did well with this prompt. It is a difficult one. I have done 'found' poetry before, and that is a lot of fun. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
|
I am very glad it is fiction. There are a couple places Mom" should be capitalized as used as a proper name. I think you did well with this prompt. It is a difficult one. I have done 'found' poetry before, and that is a lot of fun. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
-
Thanks, Debbie. I'll go back and make those fixes! I appreciate the kind comments!
Kim
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
wow.
What a wonderful eerie write from the piece you chose.
Absolutely well written no problems noted.
Exciting from start to finish.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
|
wow.
What a wonderful eerie write from the piece you chose.
Absolutely well written no problems noted.
Exciting from start to finish.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
-
Thanks, Barb! I was a bit tentative about it. I guess with Stephen King, he just plants horror in the brain, and I wasn't sure I could pull it off. I appreciate the vote of confidence!
Kim
