Comment from honeytree

Excellent

This is an excellent story in every way
This happens so much within our world
it is hard to comprehend such cruelty.
The words were great right through
and unfortunately this does happen.

Honey tree

I have no six left

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2016

Hi Annie,

This one was a hard write but purely fiction. It is just what came of the line I had to work with, and yes, is a terrible tragedy that this happens. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

Kim

Comment from Unspoken94

Exceptional

Because this is so real. Because I have had so many clients
that went through much of what you write. Because your skill
in writing this is so exceptional. A six. All the best in the contest
and I hope I get to vote. =Bill

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016

Wow, Bill! I am so honored by this review. I appreciate the exceptional comments and shiny stars. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave your thoughts.

Kim

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

Yeah great write on the story of an abused child taking revenge and walking out. Good write and great read. good luck on this and enjoy your day.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Hi William,

I appreciate you spending the time to read and comment on my story. :) Thank you for the kind words.

Kim

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

I am so glad to find that this is fiction -- unfortunately, it reads like something much more desperate and real. Whew. GREAT writing and I wish you much luck in the contest!!!

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thanks, Robyn! This was an excellent challenge. Thank you for sponsoring, it was a great idea for a contest! :)

Kim

reply by robyn corum on 12-Apr-2016

Yeah - I didn't enter it, but I think I might sponsor it again in a bit. Thanks!

reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

It had a great response. Funny, because I did something similar with a "found poetry" contest awhile back... I got crickets lol

reply by robyn corum on 12-Apr-2016

you think this particular idea may lend itself better to prose? Hmmm...

reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Either that or people just didn't "get" what I was trying to explain to them. However, I did provide an example from my portfolio, since it was a contest that I had participated in several years ago. If you want to look at the ones in my portfolio "White Gardenia" is from the contest that I mentioned and "The Healing Garden" is from the contest I most recently sponsored. (Literally, the vote came down to like 3 contestants, or maybe just 2, because someone entered, but then didn't post.) I have a 3rd one that is also Found Poetry, but I'll have to go look up the title. Something with Jasmine in the title, I think. I used words on bath products for all three of them lol

reply by robyn corum on 12-Apr-2016

hahaha

reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Here is the other one I was thinking of... it was orchids, not jasmine lol

http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=256400&userid=144222&tf=0

reply by robyn corum on 12-Apr-2016

Haha! close!

Comment from frogbook

Exceptional

I almost used that book. One knows they can find a great line from Stephen and you did a wonderful job with it. Great story told in a succinct manner as is required of flash fiction (one of my personal favorite forms). Original and well expressed with cleat characterizations and a great story and a fitting end for the creep too-LOL. JoAnn

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Hi JoAnn:

I am so flattered with your comments and the exceptional six shiny stars. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. I think my brain went straight to King = Horror and then took it from there! Yes, that creep had to go lol
Great review, Thanks!

Kim

Comment from Jim Lorson Sr

Excellent

I realize this is only a fictional story, but, it angers me that these monsters, live. That their innocent victims are scared for life. How mothers can turn a blind eye is beyond me. I could never be a cop like my son is.

She left after causing him to fall and she found refuge with that shop owner. She noticed he died, so now she never has to worry about him finding her.

Very well thought out and written with the descriptions of her abuse from a tender age of eight until she escaped.

Have a great day and take care.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Hi Jim,

I appreciate the time you've taken to read and share your comments. It is really the greatest horror imaginable to me.

Have a great day!

Kim

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

I think you did a great job with this prompt. Good interpretation of your chosen line in a good book (TV mini-series due out soon!). You hit the perfect tone in the piece without being overly graphic about it, or pulling at heartstrings.

That night my virginity was ripped from me forever - I think you could delete 'forever; here as it isn't as if it'd grow back again.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thanks, G-Man!

I guess you are correct, that "forever" word is a bit redundant, eh? I'm happy that you pointed out the pace in this piece, that is what I was going for, the fact that she's resigned to what happened but not willing to let him rip her apart any longer. No need to be over dramatic. I really appreciate the time you've taken to read and comment.

Kim

Comment from AnnaLinda

Excellent

Dovey,

Well you sure did a good job of making this young person's abusive
situation seem real. I'm sure there are such unfortunate situations with
step parents. I saw no errors at all and this reads very well.

Thanks for pointing out the Steven King line interjected within this,
I see that's part of the rules. This is an excellent entry!'

Linda

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Hi Linda,

Yes, that 'found' line is the entire basis for the story. Even though that book is the JFK story, my mind clearly went King = Horror to the most horrific tale I could weave in a short platform. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

Kim

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

11/22/63...scraping baked dirt and grease from a crankcase in the weeds behind the garage, on a warm, sunny indian summer afternoon, eighteen and working at the shop on commission. The clerk from the country store next door came out and said, "Hey, radio says somebody shot the president." Excellent use of a fairly easy Found prompt. Some are so detailed and explicit they are tough. Haven't read that King work. Yet.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

11/22/63... was four years before I was born :) ah well, have seen the tragedy on tv... I've often speculated how much better our country could be today if he had lived? Or different, for that matter. The world will never know.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate you sharing the moment.

Kim

reply by LIJ Red on 12-Apr-2016

Ex Navy man, NRA member, ho-hopper--my kind of dude, John F.

reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Vastly different from the Democrats of today, eh? lol

Comment from jusylee72

Excellent

Excellent Flash fiction story. So well told. You kept me interested from the beginning to the end. I'm glad he fell down the stairs.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Hi Jusylee!

I'm glad he did, too. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

Kim