Comment from Sasha

Excellent

I am terrible at flash fiction, I tend to be naturally wordy. This is a beautiful, sad, and deeply moving story. I do think there are places where you might be able to cut back on some of the descriptions and eliminating some of the unnecessary words. Overall, you have done a lovely job with this one and I wish you all the best in this contest.

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016

Thank you so much, Sasha. You are absolutely right and I have edited. I think it reads much crisper now. Thanks again. All my best. Ulla:)))

Comment from Chris Walker

Excellent

There is poetry in your story! Very touching short story--the missing letter is an interesting hook for the reader--what letter? what's it about? where is it at?? This should do very well in the contest--good luck. Chris

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Hi Chris, thank you very much. That you see poetry in my story is a great compliment. I'm pleased that you liked it. All the best. Ulla

Comment from Wabigoon

Excellent

Ulla
Damn! I really liked how this started. I was hoping to award you a six. Old man waiting for a mysterious letter. But, as far as I can tell, the mystery of the mysterious, why he is waiting, what he is waiting for is ever revealed -- is it? Did I miss it? That's sure not impossible.

You are excellent at these short forms. I don't even try them.

Here are a couple of problems:
begged me to follow and how could I not() ? isn't this a question?

We experienced more (adversary) and always -- adversity I would think. Language thing?

I will never know is if you resented me. You never let (off.) never let on. Definitely a language thing.

Nice job.
Jeff

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016

Hi Jeff, thanks a lot for this great review, and for being close to give me a six. First, I would like to say thank you for yet again setting my language right. Will I ever get it right? I have corrected, and I learn and I take note. One day, maybe one day I'll get it right the first time round.
Well. I'm tempted to say that you missed the point, LOL, but then again I've maybe failed to make it clear. He is waiting for a letter from his dead wife. Hoping beyond hope that she will communicate. He does realise though that it is of course not possible. That's how much he misses her and loves her. All the best. Ulla:))

reply by Wabigoon on 11-Apr-2016

Ulla--
I got that! But I did not get it enough. I think you need to somehow mention that he is there, waiting, with every breath, for this message from his dead wife. That's what I thought you were doing, dammit. And yet, you didn't say it. The language things are nothing, poof! That you know English well enough to write in it is astonishing. But I think you need to let us see a but more clearly he's waiting for a letter from her that says, "It's okay! I understand, forgive me." Maybe he should get such a letter in his imagination?"

Jeff

reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Hi Jeff, I have made a change so it is clearer, and I think I have succeeded because the next reviewers have understood. You were right. It was not clear enough. All the best. :))

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

A sadly poignant tale of love and loss. A story many of our friends on FS can relate to. Life is filled with ups and downs. Success and failure. In the end everything is nil but the love. Well done Ulla. Good luck. Nancy

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thanks a lot for this great review. Nancy. I'm pleased that you liked it. All the best. Ulla

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

This is a good story. It is creative and powerful and sad. Your writing is smooth and clear as always. Good luck in the contest - this should be a srong entry

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thanks a lot for this great review, Douglas. Much appreciated. All the best. Ulla

Comment from TOMORAL

Exceptional

Oh, this one definitely has my vote. My eyes are moist with tears and I can't imagine what this poor soul went through. Great story for the topic. Brilliant writing.

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thank you so much and that you find it worthy of six stars. I am so pleased. It was a hard piece to write. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from Ima L. Ami

Excellent

This is really good but so sad. It held me from the beginning. There were two things I noticed:

1. "Your laughter, so enticing, begged me to follow and how could I not."
-Should this be a question?
2. "...the fatal decease presented itself..."
-Did you mean disease?

Great read and thank you for sharing!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thank you so much, I have corrected and thanks a lot for pointing it out. All the best. Ulla