A Compilation of Short stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Life that Passed Me By"Expressions
67 total reviews
Comment from Serendipity!
window and I notice that it is in (you could skip the I in this sentence)
Could yo in the distance, I make u skip out the last two words here?picture I see ( It's(?) not quite there yet,) in the distance, and ? make out
see is you and I(I would take out the 'eye') remember.
What a lovely story. Thanks for sharing.
You deserve a four for content but maybe I am kinda cheap. :(
Oh sorry, I meant five!!! I felt kind of cheap giving you only a four! So because of my boo-boo I changed it!
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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window and I notice that it is in (you could skip the I in this sentence)
Could yo in the distance, I make u skip out the last two words here?picture I see ( It's(?) not quite there yet,) in the distance, and ? make out
see is you and I(I would take out the 'eye') remember.
What a lovely story. Thanks for sharing.
You deserve a four for content but maybe I am kinda cheap. :(
Oh sorry, I meant five!!! I felt kind of cheap giving you only a four! So because of my boo-boo I changed it!
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thanks, I've edit the piece. You say that I deserve four for content. Well that's what you gave me so how can you be cheap? You didn't want to give me anymore. Don't quite get that. Ach, well. Thanks anyway. Ulla
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Ulla. You have one dandy entry here in the Flash Fiction contest.
Wonderful images like: "The green dress swept around your lithe body, as you ran towards me, a bright smile on your face. Your twinkling eyes mesmerised me leaving me out of breath and I think I fell in love with you at that very moment. Your laughter, so enticing, begged me to follow and how could I not? I've followed you hence and I've loved you ever since."
And: "Suddenly you were in the hospital and you lay listless in the bed watching me with a weary look. I took hold of your hand and brought it up to my tear stained face and between sobs I murmured."
Sad tale, but well written, Ulla.
Suggestions if I may: "I sit in my old beloved chair by the window and I notice that it is in......" Try, I sit in my old, beloved chair by the window and notice that it is in...."
Also, I would make the second sentence my first to draw with a better opening "hook"
And" ". It's not quite there yet, so I let my eyes wander up the way and with a start..." (Instead of "it's" I would say, "The mail has not arrived yet, and I continue to let my eyes wander."
Blessings and good luck. Bob
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi, Ulla. You have one dandy entry here in the Flash Fiction contest.
Wonderful images like: "The green dress swept around your lithe body, as you ran towards me, a bright smile on your face. Your twinkling eyes mesmerised me leaving me out of breath and I think I fell in love with you at that very moment. Your laughter, so enticing, begged me to follow and how could I not? I've followed you hence and I've loved you ever since."
And: "Suddenly you were in the hospital and you lay listless in the bed watching me with a weary look. I took hold of your hand and brought it up to my tear stained face and between sobs I murmured."
Sad tale, but well written, Ulla.
Suggestions if I may: "I sit in my old beloved chair by the window and I notice that it is in......" Try, I sit in my old, beloved chair by the window and notice that it is in...."
Also, I would make the second sentence my first to draw with a better opening "hook"
And" ". It's not quite there yet, so I let my eyes wander up the way and with a start..." (Instead of "it's" I would say, "The mail has not arrived yet, and I continue to let my eyes wander."
Blessings and good luck. Bob
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi Bob, Thanks a lot for this great review. I have made edits to the piece and I think it reads better now. Thanks again. All the best. Ulla:)
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Good for you. Bob
Comment from Sherylsart
This is so sweet. Life is harsh, but love helps soften the edges.The picture is perfect.
Third paragraph from the end, ends with....between sobs I murmured.
Change period to comma, and start next paragraph as continuation of same paragraph. Otherwise, this is very well written. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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This is so sweet. Life is harsh, but love helps soften the edges.The picture is perfect.
Third paragraph from the end, ends with....between sobs I murmured.
Change period to comma, and start next paragraph as continuation of same paragraph. Otherwise, this is very well written. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much, sheryl. Made changes. Glad you liked it. All the best. Ulla
Comment from DonandVicki
Very sadly written. An old man who waits for death so he can rejoin his wife and baby girl. This flash fiction is very well written and very touching.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Very sadly written. An old man who waits for death so he can rejoin his wife and baby girl. This flash fiction is very well written and very touching.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thanks ever so much. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from Ric Myworld
Oh, how this story will touch so many, as I'm sure most of us can think back to everything that we missed, for some reason or another, or what has passed us by. Time stands still for no one, and for all those whom I thought made foolish statements, time does get faster as we get older. Thanks for sharing another of your fine stories. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Oh, how this story will touch so many, as I'm sure most of us can think back to everything that we missed, for some reason or another, or what has passed us by. Time stands still for no one, and for all those whom I thought made foolish statements, time does get faster as we get older. Thanks for sharing another of your fine stories. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi Ric, Thanks a lot for this great review. How pleased I am that you like my writing. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from Word Junkie
Hello Ulla,
This is a fine and poignant story. I don't understand the reference to the letter--if it was written by the lost wife or for the lost wife--and that's an important, but not vital, element of the story. No need to explain: I'm simply ruminating here on the page.
When you have time, I encourage you to take a look at this. Capitalizing Titles at Grammar Girl.
Description in this flash fic is top-notch. I think you will do well in the contest.
Great job!
Lana
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hello Ulla,
This is a fine and poignant story. I don't understand the reference to the letter--if it was written by the lost wife or for the lost wife--and that's an important, but not vital, element of the story. No need to explain: I'm simply ruminating here on the page.
When you have time, I encourage you to take a look at this. Capitalizing Titles at Grammar Girl.
Description in this flash fic is top-notch. I think you will do well in the contest.
Great job!
Lana
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi Lana, I have made a slight change so no doubt about the letter. He misses her so much that he just wish he would have word from her. It is clear now I think after I've amended. I'm happy that you liked it otherwise. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a beautiful story, Ulla, really sad and emotional. We never know when this is going to happen, and some do keep it to themselves. I often wonder what I would do, tell or keep quiet. When my first husband died, we only had six weeks of knowing, and that was hard. As I read your story, it got me thinking again, would it be better that way? I still don't know. It was a lovely story, my friend, and the way you wrote it, it could have been a true one. So realistic. Excellent. xsx Sandra.
ps, Did you get to speak to Alexis?
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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That was a beautiful story, Ulla, really sad and emotional. We never know when this is going to happen, and some do keep it to themselves. I often wonder what I would do, tell or keep quiet. When my first husband died, we only had six weeks of knowing, and that was hard. As I read your story, it got me thinking again, would it be better that way? I still don't know. It was a lovely story, my friend, and the way you wrote it, it could have been a true one. So realistic. Excellent. xsx Sandra.
ps, Did you get to speak to Alexis?
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi Sandra, thanks a lot for your great review. It, must have been very hard on both of you. I'm so sorry. My story is pure fiction, but we do draw on life experience don't we? I'm pleased that you liked it.Yes, I spoke to Alexis, a whole hour in fact and we are speaking again tomorrow. All the best. Ulla xxx
Comment from MelB
Hi Ulla, I enjoyed reading this piece. There are many joys and pains through life, but we always have those memories to cling to.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi Ulla, I enjoyed reading this piece. There are many joys and pains through life, but we always have those memories to cling to.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi Mel, thank you so much for this great review. I am so pleased. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Back in 1970, I met what would be the truest love of my life. It was an unforbidden love that was not supposed to be. After we met Beth dies 6 months later. Point being that was 46 years ago and that love has lived in my heart since. I can somewhat understand the message of this very poignant story. It is difficult to truly deal with this sadness. Waiting on something that will never come.
An exceptional contest entry that brought back Beth's memory. We were both just twenty one. I wish you well in this contest.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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Back in 1970, I met what would be the truest love of my life. It was an unforbidden love that was not supposed to be. After we met Beth dies 6 months later. Point being that was 46 years ago and that love has lived in my heart since. I can somewhat understand the message of this very poignant story. It is difficult to truly deal with this sadness. Waiting on something that will never come.
An exceptional contest entry that brought back Beth's memory. We were both just twenty one. I wish you well in this contest.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
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Jim, I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Bless you. I am humbled to share such a private moment in your life. And I am sorry that such a loss should befall you at such a young age. Thank you so much is all can say. Kindest regards. Ulla:))
Comment from jusylee72
wonderful heartfelt story. Extremely well told. It is truly lovable. I picture every word you say and feel the sadness of an old man losing his true love. Thank you for writing.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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wonderful heartfelt story. Extremely well told. It is truly lovable. I picture every word you say and feel the sadness of an old man losing his true love. Thank you for writing.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot jusylee, for this great review. All the best. Ulla
