A Compilation of Short stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Life that Passed Me By"Expressions
67 total reviews
Comment from teols2016
This is a beautiful piece. I want to know more about these people. The love your narrator feels for his wife feels natural and cannot be doubted. Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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This is a beautiful piece. I want to know more about these people. The love your narrator feels for his wife feels natural and cannot be doubted. Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for the great review and the praise. All the best. :))
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Ulla:
This is a yearning tale of a lost love and a wish to never be fulfilled. It is very descriptive and instills a strong setting and good characterization statements for the reader to enjoy. So sad that he's waiting on something not to be. You incorporated the letter box into this piece perfectly.
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi Ulla:
This is a yearning tale of a lost love and a wish to never be fulfilled. It is very descriptive and instills a strong setting and good characterization statements for the reader to enjoy. So sad that he's waiting on something not to be. You incorporated the letter box into this piece perfectly.
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi Kim, thank you so much for the great review and the good wishes. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from Marvin Calloway
You are an excellent writer. This story conveys such a range of emotions, written so wonderfully, I didn't want it to end. But, like the rest of the story, you've written a satisfying ending.
Marv
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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You are an excellent writer. This story conveys such a range of emotions, written so wonderfully, I didn't want it to end. But, like the rest of the story, you've written a satisfying ending.
Marv
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Oh, Marv, what a lovely compliment and review. I'm so pleased that you liked it. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent piece, filled with emotion. Sad, but this always happens. One spouse dies leaving the other alone and grieving. Life is not supposed to be easy. What pleasure we get should be cherished and remembered. :)
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Excellent piece, filled with emotion. Sad, but this always happens. One spouse dies leaving the other alone and grieving. Life is not supposed to be easy. What pleasure we get should be cherished and remembered. :)
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much Phyllis, and you are right in everything you are saying. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Marykelly
Sitting in his well worn chair looking at the mailbox, waiting for a letter that won't be coming is a sad man, but in his sadness he has a love story to sustain him that many people wish for but few actually attain. The driving force behind this story is the mood it creates, melancholy.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Sitting in his well worn chair looking at the mailbox, waiting for a letter that won't be coming is a sad man, but in his sadness he has a love story to sustain him that many people wish for but few actually attain. The driving force behind this story is the mood it creates, melancholy.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this great review. I'm pleased that you liked it. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Ulla ...
= This is such an endearing story. A man reliving life with his wife.
= Well penned. Love the artwork--it lends authenticity to your character.
= An excellent entry in the contest. Good luck, my friend.
<>SPAG <>
<> Add comma.
= you've gone(,) yet to me it all feels
= I've followed you hence(,) and I've loved you ever since.
= and eventually left(,) leaving you and me behind(,) and our life returned almost
= pass by(,) and I hope against hope that he will
<> Dialogue remains with the tag, and needs comma--not period.
<> You had his pov mixed with hers as well, so I separated.
<> Also, missing commas.
<> Reworded to eliminate redundancy of, 'I love you', in the last line.
=YOURS=
Suddenly you were in the hospital and you lay listless in the bed watching me with a weary look. I took hold of your hand and brought it up to my tear stained face and between sobs I murmured.
"I will always love you, remember my Darling, I will always love you." And then ... then you were gone.
=SUGGEST=
Suddenly, you were in the hospital, and you lay listless in the bed watching me with a weary look.
I took hold of your hand and brought it up to my tear stained face, and between sobs, I murmured, "I will be with you forever. Remember, my Darling, I will always love you." And then ... then you were gone.
<> Typo: wetherd/weathered <> Add comma.
=my weatherd cheeks(,) leaving the lovely scene in a blur.
<>Add letter: round/rounds
= postman who makes his round(s) at
<> FYI <>
I noticed you have quite a bit of redundant wording. A little bit is okay, but too much begins to sound repetitive to the reader.
* A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down! *
Jacqueline M Franklin (*_*)
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi, Ulla ...
= This is such an endearing story. A man reliving life with his wife.
= Well penned. Love the artwork--it lends authenticity to your character.
= An excellent entry in the contest. Good luck, my friend.
<>SPAG <>
<> Add comma.
= you've gone(,) yet to me it all feels
= I've followed you hence(,) and I've loved you ever since.
= and eventually left(,) leaving you and me behind(,) and our life returned almost
= pass by(,) and I hope against hope that he will
<> Dialogue remains with the tag, and needs comma--not period.
<> You had his pov mixed with hers as well, so I separated.
<> Also, missing commas.
<> Reworded to eliminate redundancy of, 'I love you', in the last line.
=YOURS=
Suddenly you were in the hospital and you lay listless in the bed watching me with a weary look. I took hold of your hand and brought it up to my tear stained face and between sobs I murmured.
"I will always love you, remember my Darling, I will always love you." And then ... then you were gone.
=SUGGEST=
Suddenly, you were in the hospital, and you lay listless in the bed watching me with a weary look.
I took hold of your hand and brought it up to my tear stained face, and between sobs, I murmured, "I will be with you forever. Remember, my Darling, I will always love you." And then ... then you were gone.
<> Typo: wetherd/weathered <> Add comma.
=my weatherd cheeks(,) leaving the lovely scene in a blur.
<>Add letter: round/rounds
= postman who makes his round(s) at
<> FYI <>
I noticed you have quite a bit of redundant wording. A little bit is okay, but too much begins to sound repetitive to the reader.
* A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down! *
Jacqueline M Franklin (*_*)
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thanks so much, Jax for this extensive review. I have corrected and amended, some of it to reflect my own writing. I'm glad you liked it. I am so behind in reviewing because of all the visitors we'd had. Struggling to get on top of it all. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Mary Wakeford
This is a very tender story and every reader feels for this character in a profound way. You have set the tone and the scene well, comparing the same window frame that is witness to many lives lived, and the continuation long after the subject himself is gone. Loved that. Another favorite line..."I've followed you hence and I've loved you ever since."
The only rewording I can suggest is the following line. It read strange to me, but that could just be the difference in our planet assignment. If you like it the way it is, by all means keep it.
"What I do know is that I never realised before it was too late." [I didn't realise how sick you were until it was too late]
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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This is a very tender story and every reader feels for this character in a profound way. You have set the tone and the scene well, comparing the same window frame that is witness to many lives lived, and the continuation long after the subject himself is gone. Loved that. Another favorite line..."I've followed you hence and I've loved you ever since."
The only rewording I can suggest is the following line. It read strange to me, but that could just be the difference in our planet assignment. If you like it the way it is, by all means keep it.
"What I do know is that I never realised before it was too late." [I didn't realise how sick you were until it was too late]
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you very much and so pleased that you liked it. I have made changes and it reads better. Thanks again. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Curly Girly
Well done, Ulla. This is quite a well-written piece of flash fiction.
Time flutters by and so do the days of our lives.
Old age is a sad time for most.
Nicole
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Well done, Ulla. This is quite a well-written piece of flash fiction.
Time flutters by and so do the days of our lives.
Old age is a sad time for most.
Nicole
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much Nicole, I am pleased that you liked it. I am so behind with every thing after having had so much family visiting lately all down from Denmark. Not everyday that I see my grandchildren. All the best. Ulla
Comment from MTF1955
So poignant. Beautifully done. You make us feel his pain and longing. You pull the reader in and captivate them. Great Job. Mary
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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So poignant. Beautifully done. You make us feel his pain and longing. You pull the reader in and captivate them. Great Job. Mary
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hello Mary, thank you ever so much for this lovely review, and the wonderful six. I am glad I manage to convey the emotions. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Winslow
Dear Ulla,
This is well written and it seems to me written to invite the reader to think about what is not said. I guess the old man has many regrets about what he didn't do. It sounds like he is doubting himself about loving his wife and for me it made it an extremely sad story.
And so, we buil(t) up our life again and this time it turned out okay.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Dear Ulla,
This is well written and it seems to me written to invite the reader to think about what is not said. I guess the old man has many regrets about what he didn't do. It sounds like he is doubting himself about loving his wife and for me it made it an extremely sad story.
And so, we buil(t) up our life again and this time it turned out okay.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. No I don't think he doubts his love for his wife, I think what he fears is that she didn't love him as much as he did. But the overall sentiment is that he misses her so much. Have corrected, and thank you for pointing it out. All the best. Ulla:))
