A Compilation of Short stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Life that Passed Me By"Expressions
67 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
This was extremely well written Ulla, and I enjoyed it very, very much - but I missed the part at the beginning (or somewhere) that mentioned the letter to be coming...? Help!
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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This was extremely well written Ulla, and I enjoyed it very, very much - but I missed the part at the beginning (or somewhere) that mentioned the letter to be coming...? Help!
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot, Robyn, for the great review. In the third paragraph the letter is mentiond for the first time. Its a metaphor for him wanting to hear from his beloved wife full well knowing it will never happen. It is wishful thinking, a yearning to hear from her, and of course it will never be. That's how much he loved her and still does. I hope that clarifies it. Best regards . Ulla:))
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you're right! I see it now - I think I got distracted by the birds for some reason! hahaha Thanks!
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Thats okay, lol,Ulla:)
Comment from Bryana
As always, excellent writing dear Ulla.
Your story reminds me of my husband,
he was in the hospital and one night he
just left that was 18 years ago.
I'm glad it's fiction and not something that
really happened to you. Un abrazo.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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As always, excellent writing dear Ulla.
Your story reminds me of my husband,
he was in the hospital and one night he
just left that was 18 years ago.
I'm glad it's fiction and not something that
really happened to you. Un abrazo.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Bryana, thank you so much and I am sorry for your loss, albeit it's many years ago. I am glad you liked it. It has struck a chore with most but not enough to vote for it. Un abrazo a ti. Ulla:))
Comment from chcbeck
A great piece of flash fiction. You drawn in with the focus on sitting in the chair, we are only a small part of life. You then hit the reader with tragedy. Then link back to the chair. A great story.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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A great piece of flash fiction. You drawn in with the focus on sitting in the chair, we are only a small part of life. You then hit the reader with tragedy. Then link back to the chair. A great story.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this great review. So pleased you liked it. All the best. Ulla
Comment from S.M.E.Schultz
This is a lovely story that tells a lifetime in a few words, very tender and sad. One small comment. I would change the adjective "beloved" in the first sentence to "Favourite or something less intimate, considering it's a chair, an inanimate object and you are talking about the love of his life.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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This is a lovely story that tells a lifetime in a few words, very tender and sad. One small comment. I would change the adjective "beloved" in the first sentence to "Favourite or something less intimate, considering it's a chair, an inanimate object and you are talking about the love of his life.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank a lot. I will give it a thought. But a chair can be beloved, meaning favourite as I use towards the end. All the best. UllaTha
Comment from c_lucas
Death cruelly pass you by, but calls on your family friends and neighbors, leaves you waiting. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Death cruelly pass you by, but calls on your family friends and neighbors, leaves you waiting. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Ulla
You have written a very perceptive flash fiction piece on the loneliness and disconnect that many elderly feel.
This was especially poignant for me:
'I feel an irrational envy and the tears that fill my eyes run freely down my weather-beaten cheeks leaving a lovely scene in a blur.'
Excellent contest entry! Good luck.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi, Ulla
You have written a very perceptive flash fiction piece on the loneliness and disconnect that many elderly feel.
This was especially poignant for me:
'I feel an irrational envy and the tears that fill my eyes run freely down my weather-beaten cheeks leaving a lovely scene in a blur.'
Excellent contest entry! Good luck.
:) Bev
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Ah, thanks so much for this, Bev, I am so pleased. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Ulla,
A well written and affecting piece of fiction here which carries a lot of genuine emotion throughout.
to be that way many years to come - for many years to come.
The description outside the window is well writ.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi Ulla,
A well written and affecting piece of fiction here which carries a lot of genuine emotion throughout.
to be that way many years to come - for many years to come.
The description outside the window is well writ.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Hi G, Thanks so much, and much appreciated. I've made the correction. I couldn't resist this competition. Quite clever one. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Mabaker
So beautiful and sad. How do you go on when a loved one goes before? They were together so long it must have felt he had lost part of himself and didn't know how to live without his other half. Really lovely. Regards Mabaker
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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So beautiful and sad. How do you go on when a loved one goes before? They were together so long it must have felt he had lost part of himself and didn't know how to live without his other half. Really lovely. Regards Mabaker
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Makaber, thank you so much for this lovely review. I'm so glad that you liked it. All the best. Ulla
Comment from trumby
A lot of dad's friends are going through this stage right now.
Beautiful story of loss and regret, although he's tried to do the right thing all his life.
This would make a good Blues song, I think.
Favorite line- "I'm waiting."
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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A lot of dad's friends are going through this stage right now.
Beautiful story of loss and regret, although he's tried to do the right thing all his life.
This would make a good Blues song, I think.
Favorite line- "I'm waiting."
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Trumby, this is a lovely review. Yes, it must be difficult to lose the love of your life at such an old age. I'm very pleased that you like it. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from jpduck
This is powerful precisely because it is so simply written. Nice one.
Typos/SPAGs. (* * indicates suggested insertions):
'I sit in my old*,* beloved chair by the window'
'and I suspect it will continue to be that way *for* many years to come'
'I've followed you hence, and I've loved you ever since' ('hence' means from this time/place forward; 'thence' means from that time/place forward. So 'thence' would be the correct word in this context. But, actually, both words are rather mannered and old-fashioned. I think it would be better just to write: 'I've followed you, and I've loved you ever since'. The 'since' covers it).
'Our little baby perished. How could that be?' (Insert a blank line after this to mark the new paragraph).
'You turned to me and I remember your anguished voice.' (Delete the paragraph-break following this, because what follows are the words spoken by the 'anguished voice').
'and between sobs I murmured*,*' (Delete the paragraph break after this to put the words spoken right next to the the speech tag {I murmered}, where they belong).
Adrian
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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This is powerful precisely because it is so simply written. Nice one.
Typos/SPAGs. (* * indicates suggested insertions):
'I sit in my old*,* beloved chair by the window'
'and I suspect it will continue to be that way *for* many years to come'
'I've followed you hence, and I've loved you ever since' ('hence' means from this time/place forward; 'thence' means from that time/place forward. So 'thence' would be the correct word in this context. But, actually, both words are rather mannered and old-fashioned. I think it would be better just to write: 'I've followed you, and I've loved you ever since'. The 'since' covers it).
'Our little baby perished. How could that be?' (Insert a blank line after this to mark the new paragraph).
'You turned to me and I remember your anguished voice.' (Delete the paragraph-break following this, because what follows are the words spoken by the 'anguished voice').
'and between sobs I murmured*,*' (Delete the paragraph break after this to put the words spoken right next to the the speech tag {I murmered}, where they belong).
Adrian
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
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Thank you so very much Adrian, I have made the corrections but furthermore, I have gone along with you and omitted hence, which was incorrect as I clearly see now and thence it should be. But you are right it is too formal, old fashioned even, so I have changed and written like you suggested. Reads much better. Thanks again for you guiding me. I've learned so much from all your help. I still need it though so please don't give up on me!. All the best. Ulla:))
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I enjoy your writing far too much to deprive myself of them. (Giving up doesn't come into it).
Adrian
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Thanks for that great endorsement. Ulla:)
