A Compilation of Short stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Life that Passed Me By"Expressions
67 total reviews
Comment from Dadof42n2
I'll come back to this story probably a couple of times. But after a first read I have to compliment you on your style. I often make comments on this site to "show not tell" your story. You did a great job of that here. Some other input is that he looks "through the window" indicating to me that it is closed, but then he hears the birds...? I let my eyes wander up the way and with a start I notice the birds who are busy building nests in the trees framed by the bluest of skies. Again excellent showing, but a bit awkward in "with a start." Finally great showing again of his face with tears, but try to make the two different events, shown differently so that we, the reader can really feel the tears...perhaps use another sense like salty tears or something along those lines. Keep it up.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2016
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I'll come back to this story probably a couple of times. But after a first read I have to compliment you on your style. I often make comments on this site to "show not tell" your story. You did a great job of that here. Some other input is that he looks "through the window" indicating to me that it is closed, but then he hears the birds...? I let my eyes wander up the way and with a start I notice the birds who are busy building nests in the trees framed by the bluest of skies. Again excellent showing, but a bit awkward in "with a start." Finally great showing again of his face with tears, but try to make the two different events, shown differently so that we, the reader can really feel the tears...perhaps use another sense like salty tears or something along those lines. Keep it up.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot for this great review, and the compliments. I'm very pleased. I am looking into what you are suggesting. Thanks a lot for a very helpful feed back. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from foxangie123
I felt as if I'd read this before but it may just be your great skills I detect. This is magnificent from the picture to each line. You are amazing.......
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2016
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I felt as if I'd read this before but it may just be your great skills I detect. This is magnificent from the picture to each line. You are amazing.......
Comment Written 15-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2016
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Hi Angie,unless you'd review it within the last few days you cannot have read it before. I just wrote it a few days ago. Thanks a lot for your praise. All the best. Ulla:))
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Oh. My mind is here at the hospital mostly. I love your writing.
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I don't blame you, Angie, must be a very stressfull and worrying time for you. Ulla:)))
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It is. I feel weak.
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Don't blame you. Tell me how it goes. Ulla:))
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I will sweety.
Comment from eihpos49
I enjoyed this story. It's sweet and sad, and very well written. I like the way you described everything so well - I can picture what's happening in my mind as I read it. I honestly can't think of anything you could improve! It should do very well in the competition.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2016
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I enjoyed this story. It's sweet and sad, and very well written. I like the way you described everything so well - I can picture what's happening in my mind as I read it. I honestly can't think of anything you could improve! It should do very well in the competition.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this great review, and the generous stars. It means a lot to me. Thanks again. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from rwilliam
The art you chose for this piece is perfect and so emotionally provoking for me. Good choice.
Right now the trees are turning green and some forlorn flowers are opening their fragile petals which means the-(that) spring has arrived.
It sits high on its pole watching out for the postman who makes his rounds at the same time every day.--For me, and this is just a personal note, but I think removing the word 'out' gives this sentence more power, but that's me ok. :-)
This was really good. You pulled at my heart strings and made me tear up. That's great writing.
One note though... I would like you to explain the letter more. Who is he waiting to hear from? I like the mystery of it but it's a bit unclear.
Congratulations on the awards.:-)
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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The art you chose for this piece is perfect and so emotionally provoking for me. Good choice.
Right now the trees are turning green and some forlorn flowers are opening their fragile petals which means the-(that) spring has arrived.
It sits high on its pole watching out for the postman who makes his rounds at the same time every day.--For me, and this is just a personal note, but I think removing the word 'out' gives this sentence more power, but that's me ok. :-)
This was really good. You pulled at my heart strings and made me tear up. That's great writing.
One note though... I would like you to explain the letter more. Who is he waiting to hear from? I like the mystery of it but it's a bit unclear.
Congratulations on the awards.:-)
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for the great review. At first I thought you meant that I'd won the contest, I need more votes for that LOL, until I realised you meant the recognitions, and thanks for that.
He is so devastated by his wife passing away that he hopes for a letter from his wife that he of course knows will never arrive. Just some communication. But again it will never happen. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Gone but not forgotten
Compelling story. Short but deeply felt. And the image is perfect! I also love the word "letterbox". It evokes a different time, a more important communication method. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Compelling story. Short but deeply felt. And the image is perfect! I also love the word "letterbox". It evokes a different time, a more important communication method. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this great review. Much appreciated. All the best. Ulla
Comment from alexisleech
Superb. You have managed to portray the feelings of those of us who have lost loved one so well, and in a universal language. How many of us look at that post box and dream? So many more than anyone realises.
Well done, and good luck in the competition, I'm sure this entry will do really well.
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Superb. You have managed to portray the feelings of those of us who have lost loved one so well, and in a universal language. How many of us look at that post box and dream? So many more than anyone realises.
Well done, and good luck in the competition, I'm sure this entry will do really well.
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much, Alexis. And for the lovely stars. It ended up not doing too bad. Speak soon Ulla xxx
Comment from CEO2020
Nice love story that reads like a poem. I liked the way you brought the ending back to the beginning. I believe he would be dead if he didn't create a hope to wait for a letter he know isn't coming because the thought of the letter kept her alive.
Just sharing my understanding
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Nice love story that reads like a poem. I liked the way you brought the ending back to the beginning. I believe he would be dead if he didn't create a hope to wait for a letter he know isn't coming because the thought of the letter kept her alive.
Just sharing my understanding
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this thoughtful review. Very much appreciated. All the best. Ulla
Comment from barkingdog
An old man sits with his memories--quite a touching story.
I hope that after a bit of reminiscing, he gets up and goes for a walk. It sounds so much nicer outside than inside looking out and hoping for what will never come.
The sadness of loss permeates your post. Well done.
:) e
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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An old man sits with his memories--quite a touching story.
I hope that after a bit of reminiscing, he gets up and goes for a walk. It sounds so much nicer outside than inside looking out and hoping for what will never come.
The sadness of loss permeates your post. Well done.
:) e
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Hi Ellen, so good to hear from you. Are you starting posting again? I miss your writing. Thanks a lot for this. All the best. Ulla:)
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I may post now and again, but mostly I'm just reading.
I see you're doing well in the rankings! It's a lot of work to stay up there. :) e
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Oh I'm glad that you will post once in a while. You're right it is a lot of work. Ulla:))
Comment from William Ross
I wish I had the 6 for this wonderful story it is very well written great job, This should very well on the prompt. have a great day
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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I wish I had the 6 for this wonderful story it is very well written great job, This should very well on the prompt. have a great day
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for the great review, William, The virtual six means a lot to me. Well it could do better in the prompt but so is life. Much appreciated. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from heat_mac
This story is truly heart wrenching. I connect to the grief the character is feeling by relating it to losses in my own life.
You've used very precise vocabulary to evoke the images in your story. I wonder if you condense the sentences just a bit more the words could be slightly more forceful.
Just a suggestion, but in the first sentence, you could revise it to: "I sit by the window in my beloved, tattered chair, worn from nigh on 40 years of use."
A few sentences were a touch wordy this way, but overall don't detract from the story. It's a great piece and I wish you luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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This story is truly heart wrenching. I connect to the grief the character is feeling by relating it to losses in my own life.
You've used very precise vocabulary to evoke the images in your story. I wonder if you condense the sentences just a bit more the words could be slightly more forceful.
Just a suggestion, but in the first sentence, you could revise it to: "I sit by the window in my beloved, tattered chair, worn from nigh on 40 years of use."
A few sentences were a touch wordy this way, but overall don't detract from the story. It's a great piece and I wish you luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thanks. How many more mistakes were there? Ulla
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I definitely wouldn't call them mistakes! As I said, I found the story a delight to read. Just a matter of tightening up the descriptions to avoid repetition. The only reason I suggest that sentence is that you don't need to call the chair old, because your words"tattered" and "nigh on 40 years" already show us that it is old. I hope that makes sense and I don't mean to be negative. It was still a lovely piece of fiction!
