It
A strange feeling leads to tragedy27 total reviews
Comment from schatzling
Ray Bradbury....that is that other show I was trying to remember when I Reviewed one of your other writings. I used to love watching that show. Your short stories would fit so well on one of his shows or The Twilight Zone or maybe even Outer Limits or that one other show where you go down the steps into a basement with that eerie creature and its high shrieking.....I remember now....Tales of the Crypt. Your writings would make awesome shows to watch on one of those shows for certain. YES YES YES..
I enjoyed reading this one so very much. Another story that I wanted it to continue on and on just so I could continue reading more and more for a longer period enjoying every single minute of it.
'VERY GOOD IN ALL ASPECTS.
THANKS FOR SHARING
ONE MORE THING: I went back and read what this contest was all about. How neat that was. I think this is such a kool idea....what a very interesting and GO AHEAD AND GO type of prompt. I really liked her idea....if it was hers or perhaps she saw it somewhere else but she was the one that brought it to all the entrant's attention. I like it and I just love your story.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
  |
Ray Bradbury....that is that other show I was trying to remember when I Reviewed one of your other writings. I used to love watching that show. Your short stories would fit so well on one of his shows or The Twilight Zone or maybe even Outer Limits or that one other show where you go down the steps into a basement with that eerie creature and its high shrieking.....I remember now....Tales of the Crypt. Your writings would make awesome shows to watch on one of those shows for certain. YES YES YES..
I enjoyed reading this one so very much. Another story that I wanted it to continue on and on just so I could continue reading more and more for a longer period enjoying every single minute of it.
'VERY GOOD IN ALL ASPECTS.
THANKS FOR SHARING
ONE MORE THING: I went back and read what this contest was all about. How neat that was. I think this is such a kool idea....what a very interesting and GO AHEAD AND GO type of prompt. I really liked her idea....if it was hers or perhaps she saw it somewhere else but she was the one that brought it to all the entrant's attention. I like it and I just love your story.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
-
thank you, That is why I like this site. They give you a prompt and your mind twists it into worlds you never knew you had in your head. Once again I learned so much from this place.
Comment from Jacqueline1616
Very very eery. Loved it. I wish I were good at writing short stories like this. Mine always turn in to 500 to 1000 pages or trilogies. The ending of this gives me the chills. When he comes home to give them vitamins. It's one of the sayings I hate. "Just take a pill."
That's what my roommate told my boyfriend when he was suicidal the first time I when I was with him. "Just take a pill, I can't deal with this drama." And now that he's gone she tries to insist she really cared.
Anyway, Very very good write.
Jackie
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
 |
Very very eery. Loved it. I wish I were good at writing short stories like this. Mine always turn in to 500 to 1000 pages or trilogies. The ending of this gives me the chills. When he comes home to give them vitamins. It's one of the sayings I hate. "Just take a pill."
That's what my roommate told my boyfriend when he was suicidal the first time I when I was with him. "Just take a pill, I can't deal with this drama." And now that he's gone she tries to insist she really cared.
Anyway, Very very good write.
Jackie
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
-
Thank you so much. This was another story that started one way then turned into a whole different world. Isn't That what is great about writing.
t
-
Yeah, non writers don't really get it. We're entertaining ourselves too. My stories sometimes go completely different than I planned.
Jackie
Comment from TallySally
Wow, Judy - I love the 'spare' style of this piece. People think that way - I don't know why writer's think they need to write paragraph long sentences to be understood.
Jack isn't the only one feeling edgy. Great escalating tension.
And the story was so unpredictable and so believable.
Nice spooky write. Nice goose-bumpy read.
God bless and my best,
Relda
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
|
Wow, Judy - I love the 'spare' style of this piece. People think that way - I don't know why writer's think they need to write paragraph long sentences to be understood.
Jack isn't the only one feeling edgy. Great escalating tension.
And the story was so unpredictable and so believable.
Nice spooky write. Nice goose-bumpy read.
God bless and my best,
Relda
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
-
Thank you , It was fun taking the strange challenge. You made my day.
Comment from robyn corum
ouch. And then he shared the pills with his wife and child? sick--o. But this was a well-crafted write. It unfolded in a great way - not letting the reader in on too much along the way. We found out the same time as Jack. Cool. Good luck~!
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
|
ouch. And then he shared the pills with his wife and child? sick--o. But this was a well-crafted write. It unfolded in a great way - not letting the reader in on too much along the way. We found out the same time as Jack. Cool. Good luck~!
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
-
Thank you it was a fun challenge.. My first flash fiction.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Jusylee,
Your story has that sci-fi Matrix type feel to it... take the red pill or the blue pill? You build up your suspense well throughout. I suspect this won't be a happy ending for anyone.
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
|
Hi Jusylee,
Your story has that sci-fi Matrix type feel to it... take the red pill or the blue pill? You build up your suspense well throughout. I suspect this won't be a happy ending for anyone.
Good luck in the contest.
Kim
Comment Written 12-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016
-
Thank you. This was another great challenge
Comment from Ulla
A very good take on this, Jusylee, and certainly a surprise ending. It was only at the end I realised that we are in the same contest, and I wish you all the best of luck. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
|
A very good take on this, Jusylee, and certainly a surprise ending. It was only at the end I realised that we are in the same contest, and I wish you all the best of luck. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
-
Thank you so much. It was a fun challenge wasn't it.
All the best to you too.
-
It certainly was and a very good one I may add. Thanks a lot. Ulla:))
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Verrry clever! You made the unbelievable sound believable, which is hard to do well, but you succeeded. The ending was a surprise, as it should be in flash fiction. Well done! :)
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
|
Verrry clever! You made the unbelievable sound believable, which is hard to do well, but you succeeded. The ending was a surprise, as it should be in flash fiction. Well done! :)
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
-
Thank you so much. I hate sad endings but this story just went there. Thank you so much.
Comment from Chris Walker
Interesting and thought provoking, I really enjoyed this piece. I wasn't certain that that what Jack was experiencing with the homeless man was reality or something paranormal-so just a tiny bit confused at the start of this piece. I love the ending however, profound in its statement of society. Good luck in the contest. Chris
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
|
Interesting and thought provoking, I really enjoyed this piece. I wasn't certain that that what Jack was experiencing with the homeless man was reality or something paranormal-so just a tiny bit confused at the start of this piece. I love the ending however, profound in its statement of society. Good luck in the contest. Chris
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
-
Thank you so much. I did want confusion there because I thought people might think religion or alien and then I thought it would be interesting to see that the madness was manmade. I so appreciate your review.
-
That's perfect then--I read it a few times to make sure I had it right! Thanks for replying.
Comment from jpduck
This sounds like a new jusylee to me, and I like it. A most atmospheric piece, I thought, although I didn't entirely understand the ending.
I have one suggestion. I think you should introduce the protagonist as Jack in the first paragraph. At present, when 'Jack' is first mentioned, it is momentarily confusing to the reader whether Jack is the protagonist or the plackard bearer.
Adrian
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
|
This sounds like a new jusylee to me, and I like it. A most atmospheric piece, I thought, although I didn't entirely understand the ending.
I have one suggestion. I think you should introduce the protagonist as Jack in the first paragraph. At present, when 'Jack' is first mentioned, it is momentarily confusing to the reader whether Jack is the protagonist or the plackard bearer.
Adrian
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
-
Thank you so much. I truly understand your critique. I will definitely go back and look at this. I truly appreciate honest people.
Comment from write hand blue
A very well written horror story. A most creative write, well expressed with good dialogue and a well defined most descriptive line structure
There were no errors or mistakes that I could see and nothing that I would change. This is good writing and I like the end... ~Mel~
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
|
A very well written horror story. A most creative write, well expressed with good dialogue and a well defined most descriptive line structure
There were no errors or mistakes that I could see and nothing that I would change. This is good writing and I like the end... ~Mel~
Comment Written 11-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2016
-
Thank you so much. I loved the contest challenge it was great to write to.
