Prosetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Old Jimmy "Story telling poems
83 total reviews
Comment from Louise Michelle
This is a wonderful story in a poem. It is so poignant and filled with truths. You are exploring a time when race relations were so challenged and the strength of your characters shines so brightly. Well done. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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This is a wonderful story in a poem. It is so poignant and filled with truths. You are exploring a time when race relations were so challenged and the strength of your characters shines so brightly. Well done. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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thank you so much. When I first got the picture in my email for the contest, I could think of nothing to write about. Then I made the connection to the book and the ship, Moby Dick . I then researched Moby Dick Vocabulary on google and saw at least forty words that I had no idea what they meant. All I really knew about Moby Dick was the first line, " Call me Ishmael." and then the story began.
Comment from bob cullen
This is quite brilliant. It tells a story that contains a great moral, Never judge on appearance. It is also rich in kindness.
While I prefer my poetry generally in ballad form, I always enjoy good poetry and this sure falls into that category. As I said at the beginning, BRILLIANT
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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This is quite brilliant. It tells a story that contains a great moral, Never judge on appearance. It is also rich in kindness.
While I prefer my poetry generally in ballad form, I always enjoy good poetry and this sure falls into that category. As I said at the beginning, BRILLIANT
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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thank you so much. When I first got the picture in my email for the contest, I could think of nothing to write about. Then I made the connection to the book and the ship, Moby Dick . I then researched Moby Dick Vocabulary on google and saw at least forty words that I had no idea what they meant. All I really knew about Moby Dick was the first line, " Call me Ishmael." and then the story began.
Comment from w.j.debi
This is such a touching tale. Excellent imagery right from the start with the boy drowning in words he does not understand. And what a wise child to seek out the wisdom of someone who knew and would help him. And he loved the book that had frightened him at first because the paragraphs were too long. But the desire to learn won out. Old Jimmy gave him a precious gift which he can now pass on to others.
A well told story. Thank you for sharing.
I see this is for a contest. Best of luck. You should do well with this fine entry.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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This is such a touching tale. Excellent imagery right from the start with the boy drowning in words he does not understand. And what a wise child to seek out the wisdom of someone who knew and would help him. And he loved the book that had frightened him at first because the paragraphs were too long. But the desire to learn won out. Old Jimmy gave him a precious gift which he can now pass on to others.
A well told story. Thank you for sharing.
I see this is for a contest. Best of luck. You should do well with this fine entry.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Thank you for reading, I learn so much about the world when I write. Your review was heartfelt . So Accurate so true,
I am happy to tell it.
Comment from pmait
I really didn't get this free verse challenge idea, how it worked, or how to go about it until I read your poem. I admire both your imagination and your creation of a great story from just that one scene.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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I really didn't get this free verse challenge idea, how it worked, or how to go about it until I read your poem. I admire both your imagination and your creation of a great story from just that one scene.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Thank you, When I first saw the picture they gave me. I was actually upset. How do I write about this. An Hour later, the idea Ship, words, Moby Dick had happened and I got a raise from my family to see that other people actually understand me.
Comment from Shirley B
This is a brilliant entry to the contest. The imagery is excellent. I could just picture "Old Jimmy." This is a great story poem. Best of luck to you in the contest, Shirley
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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This is a brilliant entry to the contest. The imagery is excellent. I could just picture "Old Jimmy." This is a great story poem. Best of luck to you in the contest, Shirley
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Thank you , When I first got the picture I couldn't think of anything to write. Then I said, book, ship Moby Dick. I then looked up on google. Vocabulary for Moby Dick. There were about forty words that I did not know the meaning of. That is how this story began. The rest of the story just sort of wrote its self.
Comment from Patricia Brooks
I almost stopped reading when I came to the lines "He was intelligent. Clever. Way smarter than most white men....Maybe he was the first black genius." SO CONDESCENDING! I'm sure there have been many black geniuses, then and now. But I relented when I read the stanza "Here unlocks the world...I will be with you." That was very beautiful and made the relationship as precious as it must have been.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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I almost stopped reading when I came to the lines "He was intelligent. Clever. Way smarter than most white men....Maybe he was the first black genius." SO CONDESCENDING! I'm sure there have been many black geniuses, then and now. But I relented when I read the stanza "Here unlocks the world...I will be with you." That was very beautiful and made the relationship as precious as it must have been.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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It was written in a time of predjudice. I completely agree with you. Others didn't understand how intelligent he was.
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I hope you reread my post because your post changed my writing. I was trying to portray prejudice but it came off in a bad way. Deleting a few lines made the whole poem stronger.
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I'm so glad I could be of help.
Patricia
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Did I respond to this already? If not, I'm glad I could help. I expected to enter this contest but couldn't get the picture into my system, let alone from there to FanStory to post. My digital knowledge is very limited, so I'm having to stick to what FS offers in the way of art and fonts -- the "advanced editing" has never worked for me. Glad it has for you though.
Patricia
Comment from LIJ Red
The ship ran aground, the log book floated away, the surf washing out the last entry. "Oh,S---!" Some call Moby Dick the first bit of great American literature. Excellent free verse yarn.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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The ship ran aground, the log book floated away, the surf washing out the last entry. "Oh,S---!" Some call Moby Dick the first bit of great American literature. Excellent free verse yarn.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. It was such a hard challenge and I loved it.
Comment from Alan K Pease
Your story in a poem would have a tremendous effect on those who would retain their prejudices about blacks, learning, and intelligence - if published. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Your story in a poem would have a tremendous effect on those who would retain their prejudices about blacks, learning, and intelligence - if published. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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thank you so much. That is the message I wanted to leave.
Comment from seaglass
This is a lovely story. We have such opportunity with reading today, many forget how difficult it has been for people in the past. The story reminds me of the Abe Lincoln experience of learning to read against his father's permission. I like how this is written in verse and not essay form.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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This is a lovely story. We have such opportunity with reading today, many forget how difficult it has been for people in the past. The story reminds me of the Abe Lincoln experience of learning to read against his father's permission. I like how this is written in verse and not essay form.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. When I received the picture in my email, I had no idea what to write and then this happened.
Comment from mkauffman
I love this piece. A full story in verse form and a great story it is... I feel like these are real people that could have existed, a true experience even if you made it up. Every child needs that one adult that can take the time to mentor them, and the adult needs the child to express and share their knowledge and care.
There was build up and for me the peak was "Here unlocks the world, word by word, dream by dream. Sail into the worlds you never knew I will be with you" is it. This is what will resonate with every writer who reads your work, for we know that this is truth. And then to end with the beginning of the cycle again has purposeful impact. L o v e d it.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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I love this piece. A full story in verse form and a great story it is... I feel like these are real people that could have existed, a true experience even if you made it up. Every child needs that one adult that can take the time to mentor them, and the adult needs the child to express and share their knowledge and care.
There was build up and for me the peak was "Here unlocks the world, word by word, dream by dream. Sail into the worlds you never knew I will be with you" is it. This is what will resonate with every writer who reads your work, for we know that this is truth. And then to end with the beginning of the cycle again has purposeful impact. L o v e d it.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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What a lovely review. When I first got the picture for the challenge I had no idea what to write about. Then I thought ship, book , Moby Dick . Then I researched the vocabulary in the book and it was so challenging and so many words I didn't know and then the story wrote itself.
