Prosetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Old Jimmy "Story telling poems
83 total reviews
Comment from Curly Girly
Well, this was certainly a most unusual approach to reading about Moby Dick. I think your verse conveys the story in an original way.
Nicole
:)
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Well, this was certainly a most unusual approach to reading about Moby Dick. I think your verse conveys the story in an original way.
Nicole
:)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Thank you I love all the help I get here on FAn story
Comment from DonandVicki
A lovely written poetic story about an old friend whom every one "back then" was looked upon as ignorant. Very touching write. well done.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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A lovely written poetic story about an old friend whom every one "back then" was looked upon as ignorant. Very touching write. well done.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. This was a great challenge.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
You, dear poet, definitely deserve 6 stars. That story in a poem is awesome. It touches my heart. Thank you. It is the story of education and love of words, love of stories, love of reaching far beyond our beginnings. Old Jimmy, God bless him. Wow!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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You, dear poet, definitely deserve 6 stars. That story in a poem is awesome. It touches my heart. Thank you. It is the story of education and love of words, love of stories, love of reaching far beyond our beginnings. Old Jimmy, God bless him. Wow!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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You so touch my heart with your message. I love all the support and help I get on this site.
Comment from RodG
It's ironic, but as an English Major I was forced to read "Moby Dick" three times and never liked it. For a lot of reasons. Maybe if I had someone like Old Jimmy reading it to me, teaching me chapter by chapter, I would have.
I especially like your use of dialog and Jimmy's note to the boy. Who knows. Maybe I'll pretend I'm Old Jimmy and read the book to my granddaughter when she's older.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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It's ironic, but as an English Major I was forced to read "Moby Dick" three times and never liked it. For a lot of reasons. Maybe if I had someone like Old Jimmy reading it to me, teaching me chapter by chapter, I would have.
I especially like your use of dialog and Jimmy's note to the boy. Who knows. Maybe I'll pretend I'm Old Jimmy and read the book to my granddaughter when she's older.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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What a sweet comment. When I looked up the vocabulary for Moby Dick I had no idea what those words meant, so I know exactly what you mean. Thank you so much.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-First, you got a great picture.
-Just so you are aware, the prompt for the contest says no author notes allowed.
-Your poem is brilliant.
-The story is captivating and you have excellent use of dialogue.
-Great way to begin, with words from Moby Dick.
-I love the character of Old Jimmy, a very well drawn character:
"He would read loud and strong and act out all the parts."
-Jimmy's death is so sad, especially when he died suddenly,with just a few chapters left to share with the boy.
- A great idea to have a note from Jimmy when the boy first opened the dictionary; Jimmy's spirit and encouragement were still with the boy:
"Sail into the worlds you never knew
I will be with you"
-What a way to end the story; the boy became a father, shared with his son, but never told his father why he learned so much, and started to read:
"Sail into the worlds you never knew
I will be with you"
-I can't say enough about this piece; whoever you are, I wish you luck, as you deserve it.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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-First, you got a great picture.
-Just so you are aware, the prompt for the contest says no author notes allowed.
-Your poem is brilliant.
-The story is captivating and you have excellent use of dialogue.
-Great way to begin, with words from Moby Dick.
-I love the character of Old Jimmy, a very well drawn character:
"He would read loud and strong and act out all the parts."
-Jimmy's death is so sad, especially when he died suddenly,with just a few chapters left to share with the boy.
- A great idea to have a note from Jimmy when the boy first opened the dictionary; Jimmy's spirit and encouragement were still with the boy:
"Sail into the worlds you never knew
I will be with you"
-What a way to end the story; the boy became a father, shared with his son, but never told his father why he learned so much, and started to read:
"Sail into the worlds you never knew
I will be with you"
-I can't say enough about this piece; whoever you are, I wish you luck, as you deserve it.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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OOPs Thank you so much about the reminder of the Author notes. I will delete them right away. Your review made my entire day.
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You are very welcome about the reminder and for the review. I am very glad it made you day!
Comment from rspoet
If the story wrote itself, I'm not sure who to review
But both poet and poem are excellent
Perfect beginning to draw the reader in
the character of "Old Jimmy" is extremely well written
Not only does one feel like they know him,
but they would also like to talk to him
You deal with many difficult realities
with subtlety and empathy
Old Jimmy could have been a teacher, professor, writer
if only...
But then in his own way he was all of those things and more
Someone who "unlocks the world"
The prompt says no author notes. I suggest deleting them
Exceptional work
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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If the story wrote itself, I'm not sure who to review
But both poet and poem are excellent
Perfect beginning to draw the reader in
the character of "Old Jimmy" is extremely well written
Not only does one feel like they know him,
but they would also like to talk to him
You deal with many difficult realities
with subtlety and empathy
Old Jimmy could have been a teacher, professor, writer
if only...
But then in his own way he was all of those things and more
Someone who "unlocks the world"
The prompt says no author notes. I suggest deleting them
Exceptional work
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. Especially for the reminder about no author notes OOOPs This review truly touched my heart.
Comment from foxangie123
Well ladies and gents this right here just bumped this contest to a way higher level. This rocks words, the boat, River, ocean, me. Bravo. I'll be there to vote. Kudos.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Well ladies and gents this right here just bumped this contest to a way higher level. This rocks words, the boat, River, ocean, me. Bravo. I'll be there to vote. Kudos.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I didn't even like the picture at first, but now I love it. This site, people like you, are helping me so much.
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If you need anything let me know. You are so talented....xo
Comment from Pantygynt
I think it has made rather a good job of writing itself. Reading aloud well to children is one of the fundamentals of education but I fear it is going out of fashion, I was once hired, while still training to be a teacher, to give extra coaching to an eleven year old who could not read.. So once a week I would drive round to his very expensive house, where his father's very expensive car was parked outside the driveway where on a trailer was mounted a very expensive speedboat. The whole lot was situated in a very expensive London suburb. The only printed matter in the house was the TV Times.
Read? What was the point?
There is more than one kind of deprivation.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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I think it has made rather a good job of writing itself. Reading aloud well to children is one of the fundamentals of education but I fear it is going out of fashion, I was once hired, while still training to be a teacher, to give extra coaching to an eleven year old who could not read.. So once a week I would drive round to his very expensive house, where his father's very expensive car was parked outside the driveway where on a trailer was mounted a very expensive speedboat. The whole lot was situated in a very expensive London suburb. The only printed matter in the house was the TV Times.
Read? What was the point?
There is more than one kind of deprivation.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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What a great story in its self. I so agree with you . I think this should also be written.
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Yes, that's not a bad idea. I might have a go at that. Thank you.
Comment from Writeling
Hi, What a lovely surprise poem, with a thread that holds the reader until the clever ending. There are so many memorable phrases: eg. 'Sail into the worlds you never knew.' (It reaches the November soul in us!) as the author might have said.
With best wishes, Writeling
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Hi, What a lovely surprise poem, with a thread that holds the reader until the clever ending. There are so many memorable phrases: eg. 'Sail into the worlds you never knew.' (It reaches the November soul in us!) as the author might have said.
With best wishes, Writeling
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. When I received the picture for this challenge I had no idea what to write. About an hour later i thought, Ship , Book, Moby Dick. I really didn't know much about the book. I googled vocabulary for Moby Dick and was shocked at how many words I didn't know. The only other thing I knew about Moby was the beginning line, " Call me ishmael" and that was from watching the movie Deep impact. But then the story happened. Thank you for reading.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
I Love this - it is a most inspiring story and your last line is a wonderful ending - the first line of the story 'Moby Dick. Very well written. The only comment I would like to make is regarding the line 'Way smarter than most white men.' I think I would, personally omit the two words 'white men'. It kind of suggests that this is really quite amazing that the wise black man could be even smarter than a white man. There are plenty of not so smart white men LOL. Just a suggestion on an otherwise great free verse, I loved the way you have got over in this story the importance of learning and the love of it. Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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I Love this - it is a most inspiring story and your last line is a wonderful ending - the first line of the story 'Moby Dick. Very well written. The only comment I would like to make is regarding the line 'Way smarter than most white men.' I think I would, personally omit the two words 'white men'. It kind of suggests that this is really quite amazing that the wise black man could be even smarter than a white man. There are plenty of not so smart white men LOL. Just a suggestion on an otherwise great free verse, I loved the way you have got over in this story the importance of learning and the love of it. Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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I agree with you. I was trying at that point to come across as a prejudice person. I had another person also tell me that and I think you both are right. Thank you for making my story better.
