Reviews from

2016

Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Morning"
Various poems throughout the year

32 total reviews 
Comment from MissMerri
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

There is so much beauty in this free verse. I'm so glad you decided to give it a whirl. You are really very good at any type of poetry, because you have that poetic instinct that helps you choose just the right words. This is especially lovely to read aloud as there is real music in the words. The echoing sounds chiming together (pondering/fog, divine/design, entwine, for example) are like a haunting symphony in places, and the poem as a whole is vividly descriptive and moving. I truly enjoyed reading this and hope you will give us much more free verse from your poetic storehouse. I loved this! MM

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 08-Apr-2016
    Hello Again, Dear Friend,
    You have indeed honored and humbled me with three exceptional reviews this morning. Thank you very much! I'm so pleased you enjoyed my free verse musing. I was well outside of my comfort zone with this one. Fortunately, the ocean and morning fog served as good muses. Thank you again for the many bright stars and your very warm, supportive comments.
    Ray
Comment from AnnaLinda
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Ray,

I was absolutely over the top delighted to see that you were successful in
writing a free verse poem that you felt comfortable with sharing with us...
I know your trash basket is happy as well.

You have amazing imagery here with a "bare" and raw feel to your piece
as well as depth, insight and spirituality. I felt like I was right there watching
the sunrise with you...Clothes on of course:)

I love your smooth and inviting entry lines...I personally would drop the:
"and thus" but we all have our own styles...felt like a hiccup to me...not
needed, but hey, we can't please everyone all the time.

I love the contemplative feel to this free verse and your humility...If you are
an old man, then...never mind. All is relative I suppose.

"I was captivated
as I gazed upon Earth's rim and the ships
floating in a sea of emergent, transforming fog
washed in translucent yellow-orange light"

What a beautiful sight to share with us. (notice I dropped
the "and thus") lol

I love this line: "I'd been floating in life's opacity" (love your use of "opacity"
as you remained invisible...Like us all...

Exceptional work here, Ray and we all now you are
brilliant at many, many forms of poetry and free verse
is no exception...I hope I have the opportunity to read
more free verse from you.

Linda

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
    Good Morning, Linda, and thanks so much for this very generous review. Your prior, off-line suggestions and this written review are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your gentle nudging to write a FV poem. It's been a long, long time since I've done one. I'm delighted you felt the contemplative feel came through, because it was indeed a contemplative day and evening. I still want to do some tweaking as I like many of your suggestions. Thanks also for the many bright stars too. -Ray
reply by AnnaLinda on 07-Apr-2016
    My pleasure, Ray...
    You are welcome...well deserving.
Comment from Pam (respa)
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

-I think it is a good thing when any writer is inspired by something they saw or heard, and then write about it.
-A good job with this, as you describe what you observed out to sea, and it caused you to think about life:
"while pondering life's divine design
as shifting fog and moored ships entwine
-Good reflection about the fog, the ship, sunrise, the sea, and yourself.
-One small thing: "piercing it's opaque" (its)
-Thanks for sharing and the author notes.




 Comment Written 05-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, my friend, for this excellent review.
    Ray
reply by Pam (respa) on 07-Apr-2016
    You are welcome.
Comment from Joan E.
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I was pleased to see you stretch your wings to free verse and glad you were inspired by your surroundings and shared the scene with us. I admired your word choices to capture the imagery: "bruised," "calm rim," "opaque scarf" and your deep introspection. Cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
    Good Morning, Joan, and thanks so much for this excellent review. I'm delighted you enjoyed my FV musings. Thanks for affirming some of the imagery I weaved into the write.
    Ray
Comment from Judvan2
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good free verse. Happy you took the plunge. You have good imagery and I could see you there looking out and wondering about life. Good luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much for this excellent review.
    Ray
Comment from ~Dovey
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Ray,

This is excellent free verse and was my pleasure to read. I'll share my favorite passages, but I must say that your words make the reader appear as a voyeur in your room watching you in the sunrise. That is how excellent you are with imagery.

My favorite parts:

and thus I was captivated
as I gazed upon Earth's rim and the ships
floating in a sea of emergent, transforming fog
washed in translucent yellow-orange light

I reflected upon the sea, and it upon me, and thus

I walked to my mirror
and looked upon myself, bearded, naked and perplexed,
'twas though
I'd been floating in life's opacity
for these many months
wond'ring about reality and what is
and is not

I'm but an old and weary man who's looking upon sea swells
while pondering life's divine design
as shifting fog and moored ships entwine

Excellent work!

Kim

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, Kim, for this excellent review and for sharing with me the lines yo liked best. I'm delighted you enjoyed my FV musing.
    Ray
Comment from BeasPeas
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Ray. I enjoyed reading your interesting poem. Having grown up near the Massachusetts, New Hampshire coast, your descriptions of the sea brought back memories. The smell of the sea is intoxicating. Can't beat that. There are many wonderful lines within your free verse. I particularly like:
"tankers and freighter ships
appeared to be floating mid-air
hovering 'tween the here and there"
Marilyn


 Comment Written 02-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, Marilyn, for this excellent review and for sharing the lines you liked best.
    Ray
reply by BeasPeas on 07-Apr-2016
    Hi Ray. You're welcome. I'm way behind in my e-mails and reviews and trying to catch up. Marilyn
Comment from IndianaIrish
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I know you're out of your element without the boundaries of strict meter, rhyme, and structure, but my friend, Ray, your free verse is outstanding. Your imagery is superb and gives my mind a chance to escape Indiana's April winter day and spend some delightful moments with you on your seaside balcony. Free verse allows a poet to express emotions freely without worry...but still contains poetic devices which you used expertly. May I ask you as your friend, to please write some more? Toss aside your structure sometimes and let your emotions and words flow.
Smiles,
Kar :-)

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, Kar, for this very generous review and your very kind comments. I'm delighted you enjoyed my FV musings. It was good to not worry about meter and rhyme! Thanks also for the many bright stars and for enjoying my poetry.
    Ray
Comment from Kaydoe
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I wish I had 6 stars to give you. This is so descriptive and beautifully written.
It pulls the viewer into the moment, as you experience the earths beauty by the sea.
You certainly have a wonderful vocabulary and know how to use it well. Thanks for sharing this beautiful talent .

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much for this excellent review and your wish for a six. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my poem.
    Ray
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You do these free verse poems so well creating imagery for your readers, Ray. The ships in the fog was particularly appealing... not sure about the bearded man in the nude! LOL. Giddy

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, Giddy, for this excellent review. I'm delighted you enjoyed my poem.
    Ray