Shifting Shadows. Poems of Darkness
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "The Jade, Colossus"A collection of dark poetry
92 total reviews
Comment from foxangie123
Is that the Incredible Hulks wife? Lol.. This was a really neat write and picture you chose o place as entry to the contest. Keep em coming.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Is that the Incredible Hulks wife? Lol.. This was a really neat write and picture you chose o place as entry to the contest. Keep em coming.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Thanks for reading and commenting, Angie.
I do appreciate it.
Comment from Judvan2
Great poem. Well written. Good imagery. Picture relates perfectly with all your ideas. It has a great build up and I looked forward to the ending. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Great poem. Well written. Good imagery. Picture relates perfectly with all your ideas. It has a great build up and I looked forward to the ending. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Thanks for reading and commenting, Judvan.
I appreciate it.
Comment from RYME4U
THis is an excellent and classical description of Envy. Very symbolic use of words.The green monster presentation enhances the meaning of your poem. This is an exceptional piece.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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THis is an excellent and classical description of Envy. Very symbolic use of words.The green monster presentation enhances the meaning of your poem. This is an exceptional piece.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on the poem, RYME4U. I appreciate that very much.
I am also very grateful that you enjoyed the read, and for the generous six stars as well.
Thanks so much again.
Take care...
Comment from NicciFaye
Profound poem...mystery "wink wink" poet...lol Great presentation and of course dynamic poem. The flow is consistent and the word choice is specular. Jealousy is a beast...as shown in the picture...Great work! Many blessings in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Profound poem...mystery "wink wink" poet...lol Great presentation and of course dynamic poem. The flow is consistent and the word choice is specular. Jealousy is a beast...as shown in the picture...Great work! Many blessings in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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What could have possibly given my identity away here, Nicci? It's just poetry and a simple picture.
Anyhow, thanks as always for reading and commenting.
I appreciate it...
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That is the 'thing' about being a true fan...you can spot the work of a favorite artist anywhere. ;-)
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Hahaha, and therein lies my dilemma, lol.
Thanks so much again, Nicci. ;}
Comment from Mark Valentine
Absolutely brilliant! Wish I had a six. Beautifully constructed - I'm guessing maybe there was a line limit for the contest that prompted youto combine two iambic tetrameter lines into one iambic (octameter? - is that the word?) line. In any case, doing that adds an internal rhyme to the poem which only adds to its flow.
I particularly like the fourth stanza, both for it's sound (all the "ate" rhymes mirroring the second stanza), and also for the wonderful climax to the poem - the "prideful state" that causes him to open the gate, the immediate recognition that it was a mistake, and the "trying to negate" - reads like a classic Greek tragedy.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Absolutely brilliant! Wish I had a six. Beautifully constructed - I'm guessing maybe there was a line limit for the contest that prompted youto combine two iambic tetrameter lines into one iambic (octameter? - is that the word?) line. In any case, doing that adds an internal rhyme to the poem which only adds to its flow.
I particularly like the fourth stanza, both for it's sound (all the "ate" rhymes mirroring the second stanza), and also for the wonderful climax to the poem - the "prideful state" that causes him to open the gate, the immediate recognition that it was a mistake, and the "trying to negate" - reads like a classic Greek tragedy.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Mark, and I was a bit "under the gun" to get this posted and ready because the site's servers were down for such an extended period of time.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this, and I am very pleased that you enjoyed the poem.
Take care, buddy...
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and though it was (and still is) anonymous, there is only one person on this site who could have written it - nice job Dean!
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How do so many people know this? It's just a poem and one simple picture. I'm often told I reveal my identity by using animations, sound effects, etc, just to gain an upper hand. Yet in this, there's none of that.
Odd...lol.
Thanks again, Mark. ;)
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It's the quality of the writing my friend - gives you away every time.
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Thanks. :)
Comment from Liberty Justice
Ooh poet uses alliterations and scary metaphors to describe opening up terrifying loose terrifying creature. Vivid scary colorful adjectives. liberty justice
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Ooh poet uses alliterations and scary metaphors to describe opening up terrifying loose terrifying creature. Vivid scary colorful adjectives. liberty justice
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Yeah, well...
...jealousy can be a bit scary at times, LJ.
Thanks for commenting...
Comment from Pantygynt
Jealousy and rage are both emotions mentioned in the same breath here, and both members of that exclusive band, the seven deadly sins. But I'm going to setrtle here for jealousy or envy as it is often called because of its association with the colour green. I'd love to know how that association came about.
This poem has lengthy lines for the most part iambic octameters with three lines of metric substiution into trochaic octameters: S1, L1 begins "Listen", S3, L2 begins "seagulls" and S4, L1 begins "with". There is absolutely nothing wrong with such substitutions provided they are made intentionall for effect, as the slight break in the rhythm points them up.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Jealousy and rage are both emotions mentioned in the same breath here, and both members of that exclusive band, the seven deadly sins. But I'm going to setrtle here for jealousy or envy as it is often called because of its association with the colour green. I'd love to know how that association came about.
This poem has lengthy lines for the most part iambic octameters with three lines of metric substiution into trochaic octameters: S1, L1 begins "Listen", S3, L2 begins "seagulls" and S4, L1 begins "with". There is absolutely nothing wrong with such substitutions provided they are made intentionall for effect, as the slight break in the rhythm points them up.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Thanks for reading, Jim, and for the in depth critique as well.
I appreciate it. :)
Comment from TKField
OMG, how did you get this picture of my ex-girlfriend? Now I can never un-see this image. Thanks a lot. Brilliant wordplay highlights this terribly terrific fright-fest in green. Rhyming quads give it a sort of rap feel that fits the proceedings like an iron maiden (the medieval torture device, not the metal band, who I suppose could be considered a torture device in their own right). 1928? The Great Depression, right? I think historians justly trace the financial calamity to the long term consequences of the First World War, specifically strapping a bankrupt Germany with the cost of the war which was paid back with money borrowed from the very people they owed the money to in the first place. Anyway, that's an 800 page book. The personification of green greed undoubtedly played a major role, as this poem so chillingly illustrates. Good luck in the thing, Dean.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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OMG, how did you get this picture of my ex-girlfriend? Now I can never un-see this image. Thanks a lot. Brilliant wordplay highlights this terribly terrific fright-fest in green. Rhyming quads give it a sort of rap feel that fits the proceedings like an iron maiden (the medieval torture device, not the metal band, who I suppose could be considered a torture device in their own right). 1928? The Great Depression, right? I think historians justly trace the financial calamity to the long term consequences of the First World War, specifically strapping a bankrupt Germany with the cost of the war which was paid back with money borrowed from the very people they owed the money to in the first place. Anyway, that's an 800 page book. The personification of green greed undoubtedly played a major role, as this poem so chillingly illustrates. Good luck in the thing, Dean.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Thanks for reading, TK, and for the in depth critique as well.
I sincerely appreciate it. :)
Comment from Justin Chopin
I like that you were able to make jealousy into this sort of nefarious demonic pirate like beast who will never cease in its lust for gold and human blood. Putting this in the style of a folk ballad was a very creative a very good because it gave your grotesque tale a rhythm to go by. Great job with this piece loved the twist you put at the end. Well done.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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I like that you were able to make jealousy into this sort of nefarious demonic pirate like beast who will never cease in its lust for gold and human blood. Putting this in the style of a folk ballad was a very creative a very good because it gave your grotesque tale a rhythm to go by. Great job with this piece loved the twist you put at the end. Well done.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review the poem, Justin. You comments are not only very encouraging but also appreciated.
Take care...
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You're welcome.
Comment from frogbook
Quite excellent oh mystery writer. Great presentation and art with a smooth, well written trip into the belly, or mind, of the beast.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Quite excellent oh mystery writer. Great presentation and art with a smooth, well written trip into the belly, or mind, of the beast.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review the poem, JoAnn.
It is appreciated.
