Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 389 "Space Shuttle Launch"Small and Specialty Poems
14 total reviews
Comment from Nottoway
YES!! Truly marvelous. You give the reader a quick lesson in the magnificent engineering of these might shuttles and place the reader along for the ride as it leaves the surly bounds of earth.
I applaud the brilliance of the writing and applaud and appreciate your role in helping to enable discovery of so much on earth and beyond
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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YES!! Truly marvelous. You give the reader a quick lesson in the magnificent engineering of these might shuttles and place the reader along for the ride as it leaves the surly bounds of earth.
I applaud the brilliance of the writing and applaud and appreciate your role in helping to enable discovery of so much on earth and beyond
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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So thank you very much Nottoway for that rousing review and those stars.
Comment from RGstar
You have done very well here, Treischel. The Tambour ( Oh Wild Forest Wild) was my first poem of the month winner, so very proud to see you take such on.
A few little tips towards a better Tambour as I will be doing a competition in the next few days giving some time to write it. Hope to see you with another entry in view to win. I will also be giving 30 member dollars to the second place work.
''Canaveral, sits tiled bird on pitted launching pad,''
On each initial line (pace line) even the command line and drum roll lines...split them into two halves, answerable or in context with the other half.
On your line above, even though you had a comma after ''Caneveral'' you didn't manage that, although your second line;
(1) ''Sleek silhouette caressed by towers, (2) heavy cable clad,''
...did manage it, though need to be a bit more equal in syllable count each side of the comma for rhythm.
This is how the speed and rhythm is maintained
NOTE; from my Tambour 2nd stanza;
(1)She raises thus her fiddle,(2)C- sharp she plays in jest,
(1)Ants prance, recoil, giggle and foil,(2) as they march to nature's fest,
Let the rabbit dance a Jiggle - let the doe hop thrice the breadth,
Let the fox with a swish of a whirling tail - fan leaves from autumn's breast,
Now the dragonflies join humming, a constant minuet,
As the wild boars bass a heavy tune, her fiddle responds the test,
Stomp, wild horses, stomp, let earth receive your drum,
And you little frogs of green and brown, you need not sing, but hum,
Five hundred fairies mingle; descend as heaven's cloud,
Sprinkling dust of diamond lights, their wings so thrill the crowd,
As you see all lines are in two parts as mimiking the set volley of a drum...even the drum roll line that is always longer than the other lines,have two parts and mimic the longer volley of the drum. my Tambour; tobe read at a good speed. You will find the rhythm maintained throughout as the repetitive nature of a drum roll.
My Tambour, for reference; read with good even speed in order to feel the rhythm of the drum;
Oh, Wild Forest, Wild
She comes as she comes; her fiddle plays the tune,
Black swirling hair of distant youth, and a face that melts the moon,
Awake, Oh, wild forest; to you her soul is bound,
Hark you woodland cherubs hark, she walks your hallowed ground,
See how your streams, they greet her, your purest emerald lake,
Your leaves so brown beneath her gown, wild acorns yawn awake,
Tonight, bareback, she'll ride you, and run all through your veins;
She'll splash, scratch, jump and thump, her dance of a thousand pains,
Her feet are bare yet slender, sharp thorns no mark they make,
Her fingers sleek and tender, each touch a flower awakes,
Oh, wild forest, wild,
Wild, wild forest, wild,
She raises thus her fiddle, C- sharp she plays in jest,
Ants prance, recoil, giggle and foil, as they march to nature's fest,
Let the rabbit dance a Jiggle, let the doe hop thrice the breadth,
Let the fox with a swish of a whirling tail, fan leaves from autumn's breast,
Now the dragonflies join humming, a constant minuet,
As the wild boars bass a heavy tune, her fiddle responds the test,
Stomp, wild horses, stomp, let earth receive your drum,
And you little frogs of green and brown, you need not sing, but hum,
Five hundred fairies mingle; descend as heaven's cloud,
Sprinkling dust of diamond lights, their wings so thrill the crowd,
Oh, wild forest, wild,
Wild, wild forest, wild,
As sleep finally claims her, and the fiddle has given its best,
Swans from afar, brought hither a star, their wings they made her nest,
And now as she lay sleeping and counting sheep in rest,
The nightingale sings a lullaby, and the wolves her guardian crest,
And the choirs lay now somber; the crickets pipe the tune,
The owl begins its lonely call, as eagles fly the moon,
''Hush'' the forest whispers, ''tomorrow dreams will fade,
The sandman comes with his old brown sack, with pockets full of jade,
When the sun appears, you'll waken, in your fiddle you'll find a star,
It will shine there to remind you, when you need we won't be far,''
Oh, wild forest, wild,
Wild,wild forest, wild,
Sweet dreams, wild forest, wild,
Wild,wild forest, wild.
The evenness creates the pace.
On your first stanza you have four command lines;
''Check the weather, avoid all lightning strikes.
Check all the systems for safety, or the likes.
Check the astronauts are set and locked into their seats.
Check checklist items as the preparation task completes.''
Try to use one or two in command lines, though your suited the sequence well, this gives an even contuinity to the rhythm.
Even though the syllable count do not have to be exactly equal, the rhythm must be maintained for there is an eveness to the drum roll from a marching band which is repetitous but effective.
My friend, you took on a monster, and not many can master the Tambour without direction first time around.
I am honored you took this on, and the tips I give are for enhancements to your next Tambour...hopefully a winner in the competition.
I am giving this a six for a very good effort,and there are aspects of the Tambour you nailed to penny. Bravo.
I liked the imagery created here.
RG
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2016
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You have done very well here, Treischel. The Tambour ( Oh Wild Forest Wild) was my first poem of the month winner, so very proud to see you take such on.
A few little tips towards a better Tambour as I will be doing a competition in the next few days giving some time to write it. Hope to see you with another entry in view to win. I will also be giving 30 member dollars to the second place work.
''Canaveral, sits tiled bird on pitted launching pad,''
On each initial line (pace line) even the command line and drum roll lines...split them into two halves, answerable or in context with the other half.
On your line above, even though you had a comma after ''Caneveral'' you didn't manage that, although your second line;
(1) ''Sleek silhouette caressed by towers, (2) heavy cable clad,''
...did manage it, though need to be a bit more equal in syllable count each side of the comma for rhythm.
This is how the speed and rhythm is maintained
NOTE; from my Tambour 2nd stanza;
(1)She raises thus her fiddle,(2)C- sharp she plays in jest,
(1)Ants prance, recoil, giggle and foil,(2) as they march to nature's fest,
Let the rabbit dance a Jiggle - let the doe hop thrice the breadth,
Let the fox with a swish of a whirling tail - fan leaves from autumn's breast,
Now the dragonflies join humming, a constant minuet,
As the wild boars bass a heavy tune, her fiddle responds the test,
Stomp, wild horses, stomp, let earth receive your drum,
And you little frogs of green and brown, you need not sing, but hum,
Five hundred fairies mingle; descend as heaven's cloud,
Sprinkling dust of diamond lights, their wings so thrill the crowd,
As you see all lines are in two parts as mimiking the set volley of a drum...even the drum roll line that is always longer than the other lines,have two parts and mimic the longer volley of the drum. my Tambour; tobe read at a good speed. You will find the rhythm maintained throughout as the repetitive nature of a drum roll.
My Tambour, for reference; read with good even speed in order to feel the rhythm of the drum;
Oh, Wild Forest, Wild
She comes as she comes; her fiddle plays the tune,
Black swirling hair of distant youth, and a face that melts the moon,
Awake, Oh, wild forest; to you her soul is bound,
Hark you woodland cherubs hark, she walks your hallowed ground,
See how your streams, they greet her, your purest emerald lake,
Your leaves so brown beneath her gown, wild acorns yawn awake,
Tonight, bareback, she'll ride you, and run all through your veins;
She'll splash, scratch, jump and thump, her dance of a thousand pains,
Her feet are bare yet slender, sharp thorns no mark they make,
Her fingers sleek and tender, each touch a flower awakes,
Oh, wild forest, wild,
Wild, wild forest, wild,
She raises thus her fiddle, C- sharp she plays in jest,
Ants prance, recoil, giggle and foil, as they march to nature's fest,
Let the rabbit dance a Jiggle, let the doe hop thrice the breadth,
Let the fox with a swish of a whirling tail, fan leaves from autumn's breast,
Now the dragonflies join humming, a constant minuet,
As the wild boars bass a heavy tune, her fiddle responds the test,
Stomp, wild horses, stomp, let earth receive your drum,
And you little frogs of green and brown, you need not sing, but hum,
Five hundred fairies mingle; descend as heaven's cloud,
Sprinkling dust of diamond lights, their wings so thrill the crowd,
Oh, wild forest, wild,
Wild, wild forest, wild,
As sleep finally claims her, and the fiddle has given its best,
Swans from afar, brought hither a star, their wings they made her nest,
And now as she lay sleeping and counting sheep in rest,
The nightingale sings a lullaby, and the wolves her guardian crest,
And the choirs lay now somber; the crickets pipe the tune,
The owl begins its lonely call, as eagles fly the moon,
''Hush'' the forest whispers, ''tomorrow dreams will fade,
The sandman comes with his old brown sack, with pockets full of jade,
When the sun appears, you'll waken, in your fiddle you'll find a star,
It will shine there to remind you, when you need we won't be far,''
Oh, wild forest, wild,
Wild,wild forest, wild,
Sweet dreams, wild forest, wild,
Wild,wild forest, wild.
The evenness creates the pace.
On your first stanza you have four command lines;
''Check the weather, avoid all lightning strikes.
Check all the systems for safety, or the likes.
Check the astronauts are set and locked into their seats.
Check checklist items as the preparation task completes.''
Try to use one or two in command lines, though your suited the sequence well, this gives an even contuinity to the rhythm.
Even though the syllable count do not have to be exactly equal, the rhythm must be maintained for there is an eveness to the drum roll from a marching band which is repetitous but effective.
My friend, you took on a monster, and not many can master the Tambour without direction first time around.
I am honored you took this on, and the tips I give are for enhancements to your next Tambour...hopefully a winner in the competition.
I am giving this a six for a very good effort,and there are aspects of the Tambour you nailed to penny. Bravo.
I liked the imagery created here.
RG
Comment Written 20-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2016
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Thank you RGstar, I appreciate the info. I wasn't aware of the even line breaks. I thought I might have gotten too many command lines. I'm thinking that next time I might try 2 pace +2 command + 2 pace + 2 command + 2 drum to mak my 10 lines.
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Go for it, Treischel, jst use mine as a gude for best results
Comment from c_lucas
It would appear that the next step into outer is a trip to Mars. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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It would appear that the next step into outer is a trip to Mars. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Thank you c_lucas.
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You're welcome, T.
Comment from ciliverde
Ah, Roy did mention to me the Tambour form, but I wasn't sure how it went. So this is great to see the form spelled out in this manner. I saw an Altas launch from Vandenberg AFB a couple of years ago - it was amazing! We collaborate with their weather program occasionally, and always provide forecasts for the launch dates. ( I work for the National Weather Service, Los Angeles office)
This:
"Of miles above the Earth, beyond its basic atmosphere,
Where window views of the vast heavens, suddenly come clear."
and this:
"Dreams forever to fly, to fly so high,
With shuttle flights to space, we try, we try!
We slip the bonds, the fettered bonds of Earth,
In cosmic journey, for our pride, our worth."
So beautiful! Nice work, Tom!
Carol
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Ah, Roy did mention to me the Tambour form, but I wasn't sure how it went. So this is great to see the form spelled out in this manner. I saw an Altas launch from Vandenberg AFB a couple of years ago - it was amazing! We collaborate with their weather program occasionally, and always provide forecasts for the launch dates. ( I work for the National Weather Service, Los Angeles office)
This:
"Of miles above the Earth, beyond its basic atmosphere,
Where window views of the vast heavens, suddenly come clear."
and this:
"Dreams forever to fly, to fly so high,
With shuttle flights to space, we try, we try!
We slip the bonds, the fettered bonds of Earth,
In cosmic journey, for our pride, our worth."
So beautiful! Nice work, Tom!
Carol
Comment Written 19-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Thank you Carol. I appreciate the review and comments. Not sure I got it right quite yet. It is the best that I could figure out.
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Not an easy form, from what I can tell.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Goodness, Tom, you could have been sitting in one of the seats, it was so vivid! What an amazing poem, it had everything, build-up, check-list, the whole thing. Not only was your poem so well written your author's notes complete the whole lesson. Anyone not knowing the ins and outs of a space-rocket launch, like me, will have learnt a lot from this. Well done, my friend, and thank you for a very entertaining read. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Goodness, Tom, you could have been sitting in one of the seats, it was so vivid! What an amazing poem, it had everything, build-up, check-list, the whole thing. Not only was your poem so well written your author's notes complete the whole lesson. Anyone not knowing the ins and outs of a space-rocket launch, like me, will have learnt a lot from this. Well done, my friend, and thank you for a very entertaining read. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thank you Sandra. Always glad to take along for the ride.
Comment from Joy Graham
You caught my interest with the picture of the space shuttle on the front page listings. We went for a tour of the Kennedy Space Center last week. It was fascinating, but a loooong day. My husband works for a company involved in the space stuff too. The tour was his birthday present. I just tagged along. It'll be exciting when the new company launches their own stuff from there.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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You caught my interest with the picture of the space shuttle on the front page listings. We went for a tour of the Kennedy Space Center last week. It was fascinating, but a loooong day. My husband works for a company involved in the space stuff too. The tour was his birthday present. I just tagged along. It'll be exciting when the new company launches their own stuff from there.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thank you Joy. Yes, I'd like to catch a launch.
Comment from olliebuster
This was such a learning experience for me.I have only seen the pictures and heard the news commentaries so for me, this is the nearest I'll ever get to a space launch. Your friends on the space program briefed you well. One could not miss the excitement as your rocket takes off and settles in its ultimate path. Very well elucidated. Olliebuster.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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This was such a learning experience for me.I have only seen the pictures and heard the news commentaries so for me, this is the nearest I'll ever get to a space launch. Your friends on the space program briefed you well. One could not miss the excitement as your rocket takes off and settles in its ultimate path. Very well elucidated. Olliebuster.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thank you Olliebuster.
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You are most welcome. Olliebuster
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. I'm very impressed by this writing and all the extra information you gave us reviewers. The artwork is absolutely perfect for your writing. This sounds like a tough type of poetry to do correctly. It reads great as far as I am concerned.
good work.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Excellent. I'm very impressed by this writing and all the extra information you gave us reviewers. The artwork is absolutely perfect for your writing. This sounds like a tough type of poetry to do correctly. It reads great as far as I am concerned.
good work.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thank you very much prettybluebirds for a wonderful review.
Comment from Phoenix Rysing
I think you conveyed exactly what you were trying to. I've never been lucky enough to experience this in person, but I can only image that it is definitely a sight to be seen. Great job. Really enjoyed reading this one. Picture is spot on.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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I think you conveyed exactly what you were trying to. I've never been lucky enough to experience this in person, but I can only image that it is definitely a sight to be seen. Great job. Really enjoyed reading this one. Picture is spot on.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thank you Luzbo.
Comment from foxangie123
I thought I read this before. I like how you have incorporated the space shuttle and blasting off with this. It is your unique cleverness.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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I thought I read this before. I like how you have incorporated the space shuttle and blasting off with this. It is your unique cleverness.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thank you foxangie. This is the first I posted it, so you haven't read it before.
