Miscellaneous Poems Vol 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Poppies and Bees"More poems
12 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Very well written sonnet. I will take much longer than an hour to write a sonnet of any kind. I never experienced the force of a tornado but i can imagine it is any persons worse nightmare.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Very well written sonnet. I will take much longer than an hour to write a sonnet of any kind. I never experienced the force of a tornado but i can imagine it is any persons worse nightmare.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Thanks Sandra. I've never had the misfortune of experiencing one either, and am not in any hurry to do so :)
Comment from William Ross
very good excellent job on the potlatch challenge nicely written sonnet, I wonder if honey bees made from poppy pollen one would catch a buzz on from the poppy lol.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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very good excellent job on the potlatch challenge nicely written sonnet, I wonder if honey bees made from poppy pollen one would catch a buzz on from the poppy lol.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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lol! One way or another, I'm sure there'd be a buzz happening.Thanks for reviewing, and the nice comments - Craig
Comment from Domino 2
I've missed this potlatch challenge and topic, Craig, as I thought they only came up in the forum on Saturdays.
In view of the reverse syntax in 1st line, you need a comma after, 'sun', for grammatical correctness and clarity.
Your present tense adds to the drama and 'here and now' feel.
I'm not sure why you fear death in 3rd stanza...ah, unless it's a tornado...dammit, I just checked the required theme, LOL - though, even if so, I'm not sure that's clear simply in the context of your poem's words.
Impeccable meter and rhymes, and I particularly like the 'near' rhyme in your couplet.
Best wishes, Ray.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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I've missed this potlatch challenge and topic, Craig, as I thought they only came up in the forum on Saturdays.
In view of the reverse syntax in 1st line, you need a comma after, 'sun', for grammatical correctness and clarity.
Your present tense adds to the drama and 'here and now' feel.
I'm not sure why you fear death in 3rd stanza...ah, unless it's a tornado...dammit, I just checked the required theme, LOL - though, even if so, I'm not sure that's clear simply in the context of your poem's words.
Impeccable meter and rhymes, and I particularly like the 'near' rhyme in your couplet.
Best wishes, Ray.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Hi Ray,
You didn't really miss it - this one is from I think about three weeks ago. Someone suggested at the time I should promote it, I just haven't had the spare cash to do it before now. Although it was just a silly little thing done in the heat of a challenge, I've kind of become fond of it :)
Thanks for the kind words and thoughtful review - Craig.
Thanks for the great reply, Craig.
You may be interested in a new double-sonnet contest I've just sponsored.
Cheers, Ray.
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OK, you twisted my arm. That was difficult, wasn't it? lol
Thanks for sponsoring, and I hope you do enter.
LOL, Craig.
Great news and I look forward to reading your entry, my friend.
Ray.
Comment from tfawcus
Difficult to believe that you whipped this one up in an hour or less, and on a given theme. I'd be hard pressed to do that, and I certainly wouldn't have been able to come up with something so polished! Perfect iambic rhythm throughout, except for "A glorious day it is to be alive," which has 11 syllables with a stress at the end,so not excused on the basis of being a feminine ending! I guess you need a 2-syllable substitution for glorious such as sublime, splendid or superb.
What a great closing couplet, taking you from one vision of heaven to another!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Difficult to believe that you whipped this one up in an hour or less, and on a given theme. I'd be hard pressed to do that, and I certainly wouldn't have been able to come up with something so polished! Perfect iambic rhythm throughout, except for "A glorious day it is to be alive," which has 11 syllables with a stress at the end,so not excused on the basis of being a feminine ending! I guess you need a 2-syllable substitution for glorious such as sublime, splendid or superb.
What a great closing couplet, taking you from one vision of heaven to another!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016
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Hi Tony,
Thanks for pointing that out. It's quite a while since that challenge, so I don't think it's breaking any rules to take your advice - "splendid" it is! Thanks for reviewing, and for the tip :) Craig
Comment from --Turtle.
Dang it, half of me just hopes I understand enough of the sonnet form not to seem completely daft. I read this poem and I was impressed.
I went with six stars for the following reasons:
I love how you incorporated the contest challenge, melded the first and last parts, and then tied them both together with the last lines. There is a surreal melding that really sparked with me... the emphasis on life and positivism and beauty... and appreciating beauty, only to faced with oncoming doom. Instead of then turning to regrets and fears, the draw back to holding on to the beauty of the flowers and field. I thought that was super cool the way you tied the beginning back in with middle and end.
Also, many a time, I'll read a sonnet and not be able to really sense the pattern or flow (because of my weakness in poetry), through this one, I was catching the pattern in a way where I was getting closer to being interested in examining the form closer, and I've liked reading sonnets before, but I've not been tempted to understand them.
Really liked this.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Dang it, half of me just hopes I understand enough of the sonnet form not to seem completely daft. I read this poem and I was impressed.
I went with six stars for the following reasons:
I love how you incorporated the contest challenge, melded the first and last parts, and then tied them both together with the last lines. There is a surreal melding that really sparked with me... the emphasis on life and positivism and beauty... and appreciating beauty, only to faced with oncoming doom. Instead of then turning to regrets and fears, the draw back to holding on to the beauty of the flowers and field. I thought that was super cool the way you tied the beginning back in with middle and end.
Also, many a time, I'll read a sonnet and not be able to really sense the pattern or flow (because of my weakness in poetry), through this one, I was catching the pattern in a way where I was getting closer to being interested in examining the form closer, and I've liked reading sonnets before, but I've not been tempted to understand them.
Really liked this.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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You've made my day with this lovely review, Turtle - thank you!
I am only new to the form myself. I've read heaps of them, but I only wrote my first one for the one-hour challenge the week before (yes, insane, I know). I'm liking the form. Usually when I write a poem, there's no particular reason for the meter and rhyme I use - it's just whatever takes my fancy at the time. It's kind of handy to have a starting point - ok, THIS is the format I have to follow - if you know what I mean.
Anyway, you certainly "got" what I was aiming for, and I'm glad you liked it.
Many thanks!
Craig
Comment from Scarbrems
Ahh, a sonnet. A poetry form I actually recognise and understand. Lyrical, good, solid rhymes, great imagery. Shakespeare would have been impressed with your efforts, here.
I like the Wordsworth-esque feel of the first two stanzas, followed by the 'uh...oh' of the last. A bit like some great foot stepping on WW's daffodils. The final rhyming couplet returns to the flavour of the earlier verse, with pretty imagery creating the lovely notion of some sort of eternal poppy field.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
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Ahh, a sonnet. A poetry form I actually recognise and understand. Lyrical, good, solid rhymes, great imagery. Shakespeare would have been impressed with your efforts, here.
I like the Wordsworth-esque feel of the first two stanzas, followed by the 'uh...oh' of the last. A bit like some great foot stepping on WW's daffodils. The final rhyming couplet returns to the flavour of the earlier verse, with pretty imagery creating the lovely notion of some sort of eternal poppy field.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
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Thank you, Sarkems, for the lovely review. Sonnets are a new form for me. I wrote my first one exactly a week earlier in the first of these so-called "challenges". I'm finding them to be quite fun :-)
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Excellent. You've done very well with the form.
Comment from lightink
This has such a wonderfully lively imagery!
You mix colors, lights, sounds and moods so well!
I think you really should promote this one!
Breathtaking images:
its golden honey spreads
field awash with red and white
poppies proudly raising up their heads
Between stanza 1 and 2 you intensify the positive feelings so effectively.
You go from "enchanting sight" to "A glorious day it is to be alive".
The third stanza offers an effective turn yet a great continuity between the new thoughts and the earlier ones.
Contrast between the deadly danger and the "glorious day it is to be alive".
Also, the gentle humming and the sound of tornado.
I also like the well written physiological response to the threat: "I turn and freeze"
The closing couplet has a fascinating acceptance towards death and almost a positive anticipation - heaven reference. What a quick surrender to fate...
Beautifully written piece!
Please promote it if you can!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
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This has such a wonderfully lively imagery!
You mix colors, lights, sounds and moods so well!
I think you really should promote this one!
Breathtaking images:
its golden honey spreads
field awash with red and white
poppies proudly raising up their heads
Between stanza 1 and 2 you intensify the positive feelings so effectively.
You go from "enchanting sight" to "A glorious day it is to be alive".
The third stanza offers an effective turn yet a great continuity between the new thoughts and the earlier ones.
Contrast between the deadly danger and the "glorious day it is to be alive".
Also, the gentle humming and the sound of tornado.
I also like the well written physiological response to the threat: "I turn and freeze"
The closing couplet has a fascinating acceptance towards death and almost a positive anticipation - heaven reference. What a quick surrender to fate...
Beautifully written piece!
Please promote it if you can!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
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Wow - thank you, lightink, for the detailed and glowing review. You've now put me to shame on two fronts! I feel mean that I didn't take more time over my review of your piece, which was excellent. I'm looking forward to seeing what Gloria cooks up for us next time :)
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Oh no! The last thing I wanted is for you to feel ashamed! I spent time with your poem because I found so many fascinating details that intrigued me! I thought it was a VERY high quality piece! I'm looking forward to our next challenge! Warmly,
J
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Craig!
You stole my flowers and bees... well, almost ;) Love the picture! Julia would approve, too lol
It looks to me like your iambs are in all the right places, but, you know I'm hopelessly challenged when it comes to that. I hope you were spared by the tornado's winds. :) Am I to believe that we all turn to prayer in the face of imminent death?
*hugs*
Kim
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Hi Craig!
You stole my flowers and bees... well, almost ;) Love the picture! Julia would approve, too lol
It looks to me like your iambs are in all the right places, but, you know I'm hopelessly challenged when it comes to that. I hope you were spared by the tornado's winds. :) Am I to believe that we all turn to prayer in the face of imminent death?
*hugs*
Kim
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Funny, I thought of Julia after I posted this. Maybe we need to send it to her? lol
My iambs are taut and toned, tyvm!
I'm sure you don't think I really believe there is a supernatural being who is willing to suspend the laws of nature or otherwise influence the course of history based on my request ;-)
Thanks for the kind review!
Craig
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Well, maybe, you are an important guy ;)
I can send it to her, if you like?
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Sure, and tell her I said happy birthday :) She has to have one some time, right?
Comment from Gloria ....
Oh boy this is really, really good Craig. I love the presentation, and the introduction of the other element the bees. That's an exquisite mosaic in my opinion.
The rhythm and rhyme is written to perfection and I should say you've done a fabulous job with the challenge.
Well, well done!
Gloria
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Oh boy this is really, really good Craig. I love the presentation, and the introduction of the other element the bees. That's an exquisite mosaic in my opinion.
The rhythm and rhyme is written to perfection and I should say you've done a fabulous job with the challenge.
Well, well done!
Gloria
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Thanks Gloria, much appreciated :) These "friendly challenges" are a lot of fun, aren't they?
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They really are, Craig. I was thinking a different form next week, any particular form you would like?
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Yes, these sonnets are so "yesterday" - I've written three of them now! lol... no wait, four.
I'm fine with anything really, as long as it's not super technical. Maybe a limerick, or agnostic... errrr... acrostic? Whatever you decide to go with, I'm more than capable of mucking up :)
Comment from Empty & Honest
I love the artwork and the words. The intense rush of almost being stung to death didn't seem to be all that worrisome and I liked that. It was almost as if the person had appreciated the surroundings so much that IF they were to be fatally attacked they would die happy. That is just my interpretation. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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I love the artwork and the words. The intense rush of almost being stung to death didn't seem to be all that worrisome and I liked that. It was almost as if the person had appreciated the surroundings so much that IF they were to be fatally attacked they would die happy. That is just my interpretation. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Thanks for the kind words Empty & Honest, they're very much appreciated. I should have copied and pasted the instructions for this challenge into the author notes - that would have made it a bit clearer. The bees weren't a threat at all, it was a tornado! I think I'll do that now.
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aahhh!!! that is a lovely twist. Thank you for clarifying. Happy writing
