A Serpent Watching-Part 1
Short Story19 total reviews
Comment from DonandVicki
A dark tale of a night watchman, or should I say a night peeping tom that has a job to do. A good tale Mike and a erotic read to say the least.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
  |
A dark tale of a night watchman, or should I say a night peeping tom that has a job to do. A good tale Mike and a erotic read to say the least.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
-
Thanks so much. I'm delighted you enjoyed this. mikey
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Mikey
= Jeesh! You couldn't have picked a better piece of artwork for this.
= You're building this character very well. His layers show through.
= From his thinking about the headmistress, to the young girls, to his getting his jollies.
= A nice fella he ain't.
= I really enjoy your smooth writing, putting the reader inside his head.
= Excellent job, Mikey.
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie (*:*) Jax
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
|
Hi, Mikey
= Jeesh! You couldn't have picked a better piece of artwork for this.
= You're building this character very well. His layers show through.
= From his thinking about the headmistress, to the young girls, to his getting his jollies.
= A nice fella he ain't.
= I really enjoy your smooth writing, putting the reader inside his head.
= Excellent job, Mikey.
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie (*:*) Jax
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
-
Late with replies. I know you've already read parts two and three. Thanks for the encouragement here. It did keep me going. :)) mikey
Comment from Pantygynt
Perhaps it is you that need reporting to the head mistress, you old jobsworth! By the way while we are on that subject:
"not once have I had to report a violation [to] the headmistress."
A preposition has gone missing.
I think you have done the right thing to paper your wall with warning triangles. Its better to have half the world complaining it's too tame than have the otherhalf suing you for indecency.
i think it is pretty good writng though. I didn't feel like giving up and that happens to me quite a lot with prose.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
|
Perhaps it is you that need reporting to the head mistress, you old jobsworth! By the way while we are on that subject:
"not once have I had to report a violation [to] the headmistress."
A preposition has gone missing.
I think you have done the right thing to paper your wall with warning triangles. Its better to have half the world complaining it's too tame than have the otherhalf suing you for indecency.
i think it is pretty good writng though. I didn't feel like giving up and that happens to me quite a lot with prose.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
-
Yes, report me. I've been a bad boy. I'm sure she'll know what to do with me. HAHAHA! Cool. I'm late with replies, so you are already aware of the rest of the story. mikey
Comment from krprice
I knew. . .delete. You're in his POV.
Briarwood is. . . The curriculum. . .
Good first part, if a bit naughty. If he's got gray in his beard, he's too old to be watching teens. Sounds like he's a bit of a pedophile.
Karlene
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
|
I knew. . .delete. You're in his POV.
Briarwood is. . . The curriculum. . .
Good first part, if a bit naughty. If he's got gray in his beard, he's too old to be watching teens. Sounds like he's a bit of a pedophile.
Karlene
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
-
AH! That told me a LOT! Lightbulb. :))
He's a bit of a perve, yep. Thanks, Karlene
mikey
Comment from Ric Myworld
Blind or not, somebody is always watching. There are eyes everywhere, and Sir Brady mustn't fool himself into thinking he isn't being watched, too. Now days, even that luscious naked body tanning in the fenced-in backyard is being viewed by someone who is monitoring satellite images for our government, then piping online pictures around the world. Thanks for another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
|
Blind or not, somebody is always watching. There are eyes everywhere, and Sir Brady mustn't fool himself into thinking he isn't being watched, too. Now days, even that luscious naked body tanning in the fenced-in backyard is being viewed by someone who is monitoring satellite images for our government, then piping online pictures around the world. Thanks for another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
-
Well, where is she? You're holding out on me, Bro. HAHAHA! Thanks a million, Ric. mikey
Comment from Ricky1024
the serpent is watching is Well written by Michael butt just watching or does he want more than that will he interfere in our lives when you come into our heads who is a serpent dragon of lore is an aspect that can buy Tustin poisonous to death or is it the Satan himself who can come in very many forms even out of a beautiful woman I've seen this personally myself I was seeing pain in people and I along with extreme mental problems and hate the serpent is in a person I could be even be in one of our relatives but the great work here Michael Hunt Wiki 1024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
|
the serpent is watching is Well written by Michael butt just watching or does he want more than that will he interfere in our lives when you come into our heads who is a serpent dragon of lore is an aspect that can buy Tustin poisonous to death or is it the Satan himself who can come in very many forms even out of a beautiful woman I've seen this personally myself I was seeing pain in people and I along with extreme mental problems and hate the serpent is in a person I could be even be in one of our relatives but the great work here Michael Hunt Wiki 1024
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
-
Hey, Ricky. Always appreciate your insights and thoughts. Thanks a million. Sorry to be late with my response. mikey
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
"going to miss the chance to watch a seventeen...woman (not women.)..rush"
OH dear, you might get expelled for this but you better keep writing. I write for another site and thoroughly enjoy it. One that I cant write here for. I love this and am looking for another
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
|
"going to miss the chance to watch a seventeen...woman (not women.)..rush"
OH dear, you might get expelled for this but you better keep writing. I write for another site and thoroughly enjoy it. One that I cant write here for. I love this and am looking for another
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
-
So far, so good. :)) A little behind, you know there's more parts already. mikey
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Mikey,
as soon as I see your name in my notification box I know I am in for a good read.
This is a great piece of writing. I love the way you keep the reader knowing there is more to come but holding back and keeping the suspense going. Your notes suggest that you are not sure this particular write would go down well here!!!! This is a writing site and people write and read, that's the purpose of FS. If someone is offended by what others write then use a different site, after all we are all adults here, with free choice. Keep them coming.
Brenda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
|
Hi Mikey,
as soon as I see your name in my notification box I know I am in for a good read.
This is a great piece of writing. I love the way you keep the reader knowing there is more to come but holding back and keeping the suspense going. Your notes suggest that you are not sure this particular write would go down well here!!!! This is a writing site and people write and read, that's the purpose of FS. If someone is offended by what others write then use a different site, after all we are all adults here, with free choice. Keep them coming.
Brenda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
-
What a nice compliment, Brenda. I'm smiling. :))
I'm behind so, you already know there are other parts. Thanks for following. mikey
Comment from Lancer1979
An interesting start, wondering where it will go next. Noticed some typos and some words left out, but I was able to follow along well enough. Please proofread before you post. I would have given you 5 stars if you had.... :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
 |
An interesting start, wondering where it will go next. Noticed some typos and some words left out, but I was able to follow along well enough. Please proofread before you post. I would have given you 5 stars if you had.... :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
-
Thank you. It would be helpful if you'd point out errors if you have a chance. Spell check can be unreliable. Left out words are often intentional as a part of dialect or regional differences in speech patterns. Sorry to be late with my response. Two more parts are posted if you're interested. mikey
