Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 374 "The Trial of Jesus-modified (Part 2)"Small and Specialty Poems
9 total reviews
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Treischel: I'm using my sixes for you - wish they were tens! I like the first version and the rewrite. Jesus was in a purple robe. Purple was for kings and expensive. Lydia sold purple cloth. The passing of Jesus by the leaders who had him beat. I think that the silence and truth got through to Pilot by his wife. Jesus was given the sign saying King of Kings. Well written with patience and love for witnessing to the world. God bless. flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2016
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Treischel: I'm using my sixes for you - wish they were tens! I like the first version and the rewrite. Jesus was in a purple robe. Purple was for kings and expensive. Lydia sold purple cloth. The passing of Jesus by the leaders who had him beat. I think that the silence and truth got through to Pilot by his wife. Jesus was given the sign saying King of Kings. Well written with patience and love for witnessing to the world. God bless. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 23-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2016
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Thank you flylijeaneagle.
Comment from NicciFaye
Exceptionally well capture! I've always found this part of the story of Jesus before his cruxification most interesting. Simply because they passed the buck on sentencing him, whilst, appeasing the people that wanted him dead. They didn't want to do it, but the people....the people....wanted him dead. Goes to show just how much power the PEOPLE have...."We the people"..
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2016
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Exceptionally well capture! I've always found this part of the story of Jesus before his cruxification most interesting. Simply because they passed the buck on sentencing him, whilst, appeasing the people that wanted him dead. They didn't want to do it, but the people....the people....wanted him dead. Goes to show just how much power the PEOPLE have...."We the people"..
Comment Written 23-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2016
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Thank you Nicci. Very good point about the power of the people.
Comment from TAB_that's me
It is interesting how the different gospels tell slightly different versions of the stories, some told and some untold.
Beautiful writing of the story leading up to Jesus' death.
Teresa
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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It is interesting how the different gospels tell slightly different versions of the stories, some told and some untold.
Beautiful writing of the story leading up to Jesus' death.
Teresa
Comment Written 22-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Thank you Teresa. I have decided that I left too much out and need to add at least one more cycle. Your point ISPs well taken and I'll likely amend my notes too to point some more of that out.
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Thank you Teresa. I have decided that I left too much out and need to add at least one more cycle. Your point ISPs well taken and I'll likely amend my notes too to point some more of that out.
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Thank you Teresa. I have decided that I left too much out and need to add at least one more cycle. Your point ISPs well taken and I'll likely amend my notes too to point some more of that out.
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Thank you Teresa. I have decided that I left too much out and need to add at least one more cycle. Your point ISPs well taken and I'll likely amend my notes too to point some more of that out.
Comment from foxangie123
Promote these to the tip top. I'm so thankful to read your work as it brings the Bible to us in words or verbiage of today saying the exact thing The Lord wanted each to know. Hugs to you my brother in Christ and dear friend.....
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Promote these to the tip top. I'm so thankful to read your work as it brings the Bible to us in words or verbiage of today saying the exact thing The Lord wanted each to know. Hugs to you my brother in Christ and dear friend.....
Comment Written 22-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Thank you foxangie.
Comment from djeckert
again, a very nice poetic summary of the greatest story ever told. your attention to detail and conciseness is very inspiring and your talent and dedication to the craft shines through. I cant wait for part three.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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again, a very nice poetic summary of the greatest story ever told. your attention to detail and conciseness is very inspiring and your talent and dedication to the craft shines through. I cant wait for part three.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Thank you djeckert. I already wrote part three a week ago in a poem called "To Golgotha"
Comment from Pantygynt
Reading the first half of this I have no problem with the first, syllabic part of the form. It is designed to emulate normal conversation and, personally I think it does this fine.
I am always interested why the Alexandrine doesn't get much exposure in English language poetry. It certainly works well here in this reportage style.
I'll let you get away with the pentameter couplet after each cycle. The second part here is as separate a trial from the first as the Annas/Caiaphas trial is from the Herod so why not 3 parts to the whole thing. This is done in the medieval miracle plays in three distinct scenes as Jesus is shunted from authority in a desperate attempt to find someone bold enough to convict.
One typo to point out in the first part "And anxious to see Jesus, to examined Him." This has to be either "he examined him" or "to examine him". Which is up to you.
The first part of the third trial stumbles a bit on this line:
"On this feast, one man can be released." This is because it has 14 syllables and not the 13 that it should have. I did the same thing in my "Druid Stag" at one point. Read on its own a heptameter doesn't seem out of place, but when you look at the whole conversation it causes a little hitch "man" can be dropped here without detriment to meaning.
I must thank you and congratulate you on attempting these three trials in this form. Your work has certainly helped put the form on the map, with the creases ironed out. I greatly appreciate it.
2nd Review.
Thanks for alerting me to the changes. This is good - very good a great improvement on something that was good before. Are you planning more? The resurrection in time for Easter perhaps.
I found one bit of SPAG in this new version, "inimicle" should be "inimical" even in the US or so says Meriam Webster.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Reading the first half of this I have no problem with the first, syllabic part of the form. It is designed to emulate normal conversation and, personally I think it does this fine.
I am always interested why the Alexandrine doesn't get much exposure in English language poetry. It certainly works well here in this reportage style.
I'll let you get away with the pentameter couplet after each cycle. The second part here is as separate a trial from the first as the Annas/Caiaphas trial is from the Herod so why not 3 parts to the whole thing. This is done in the medieval miracle plays in three distinct scenes as Jesus is shunted from authority in a desperate attempt to find someone bold enough to convict.
One typo to point out in the first part "And anxious to see Jesus, to examined Him." This has to be either "he examined him" or "to examine him". Which is up to you.
The first part of the third trial stumbles a bit on this line:
"On this feast, one man can be released." This is because it has 14 syllables and not the 13 that it should have. I did the same thing in my "Druid Stag" at one point. Read on its own a heptameter doesn't seem out of place, but when you look at the whole conversation it causes a little hitch "man" can be dropped here without detriment to meaning.
I must thank you and congratulate you on attempting these three trials in this form. Your work has certainly helped put the form on the map, with the creases ironed out. I greatly appreciate it.
2nd Review.
Thanks for alerting me to the changes. This is good - very good a great improvement on something that was good before. Are you planning more? The resurrection in time for Easter perhaps.
I found one bit of SPAG in this new version, "inimicle" should be "inimical" even in the US or so says Meriam Webster.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Thank you Pantygynt. You were correct on both SPAGs. I don't know how the "d" creeped onto examine, I did remove the word "man" in the feast line. Yes, I could have just given it part 3. On the other hand, I wasn't competely happy with bottom cycle. I could have expended on the scourging and crown of thorns, as the soldiers got into the action more. But it would have required another complete cycle, which I thought would be too much. But as is it feels too compressed. I might change that today.
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Right about inimical. I had it right in the notes, but wrong in the poem. Thanks for catching.
Yes, I'm thinking about 2 more: His deception Into hell on Saturday, and His resurrection on Sunday. Haven't decided on the fornat yet. Maybe I'll do one with you're new rhyme scheme, and the other with your Symmetrina.
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"Deception into hell"? Did you mean descension? You'd have a hard job deceiving the devil. He's supposed to be the arch deceiver. It has been done according to the folk song "The devil and the feathery wife. It's great fun. Here's the link. http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song-midis/Devil_and_Feathery_Wife.htm
I doubt if t will work as a clicked link but pasted into your browswer it should get you there.
Comment from William Ross
This is great it's like reading the bible in poetic verse, great job on this, thanks for sharing a well told story in poetic form great job. have a wonderful day.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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This is great it's like reading the bible in poetic verse, great job on this, thanks for sharing a well told story in poetic form great job. have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Thank you William,
Comment from lightink
Exceptional writing an covers some of the less known parts about the Story of Jesus! I don't think I ever fully understood this part before reading this!
Now, I feel like raking out the Bible and rereading this part!
You even told me where to look! Thank you!
The conversations came alive so well in this piece! You seem to have mastered this form, my friend!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Exceptional writing an covers some of the less known parts about the Story of Jesus! I don't think I ever fully understood this part before reading this!
Now, I feel like raking out the Bible and rereading this part!
You even told me where to look! Thank you!
The conversations came alive so well in this piece! You seem to have mastered this form, my friend!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much Jyoti. I am very pleased that I could shed new light. The stars are shining brightly too. Much appreciated.
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Haha! In this context I went blank for a second regarding the stars. I was still with the Jesus story - and first I thought of the star shining at his birth! :)
My pleasure, Tom!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
While reading this well known happenings in history. I thought there is little change in human behaviour since that time. Human still can't agree, and I wonder why Pontius give in to the masses, didn't he have the power to stop the process.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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While reading this well known happenings in history. I thought there is little change in human behaviour since that time. Human still can't agree, and I wonder why Pontius give in to the masses, didn't he have the power to stop the process.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Thank you Sandra. Sure he did.
