Comment from May 1

Excellent

I love how energetic this feels. Yes, I want to go to the realms of magic, too. That's so beautifully said, I love it. All in all, I really enjoyed reading this poem.

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2020

Thank you for the excellent review, May. Thanks for mentioning the energy of the poem. I am happy you enjoyed it.
Debi

Comment from C.J. 16

Excellent

Love the rhyme and the rhythm. Very musical and captivating. Beautiful artwork and presentation also. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2016

Thank you for the encouraging review. I appreciate your kind comments.

Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

I thought I was going to read the next chapter in your book,lol. I really enjoyed your poem. It had a excellent flow and musical quality to it.

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2016

Hi Russell,
Sorry about this not being the next chapter. I didn't mean to trick you. The next chapter is written, I just need to find time to post it. I do appreciate you taking time to read the poem and leave the kind comments about the flow and musical quality.
Debi

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

What a lovely Pantoum sonnet this is, Debi. Perfect in composition as to structure, rhyme, accent and stress. You've also used some strongly imaginative nouns and verbs, such as "troubadour", and "awestruck", just to cite a couple of examples.
However, you are aware that the Pied Piper of Hamelin not only lured the town's rats to the ocean to be drowned, but also the entire populace of children within the town when they refused to pay him for ridding them of the rats?
So unless you're thinkin' of croaking anytime soon, I think I'd run the other way as quickly as possible should the Piper's fortuitous flute be heard.

Well done...

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2016

Hi Dean,

Thank you so much for the encouraging comments about the writing, its structure and imagery.

I am writing a young adult fantasy novel about the Pied Piper (not your genre, I know so no worries if you don't check it out) so I did know that the Pied Piper lured the rats into the nearby River Weser according to legend. What I find more interesting and even a bit scary is that the disappearance of the children is based on fact. On June 26, 1284 there were 130 children lost to the city of Hamelin. Town records were destroyed in a fire so the details of what happened to them have been lost, but the date is inscribe in several places around town, and it is noted in the town chronicles in 1384 that the "130 children were lost 100 years ago." I have found at least a dozen theories as to what happened to the children. The incident with the rats were decades or even a hundred years later and not combined with the Pied Piper story until 1594. I also find it interesting that modern day Hamlin has a law on the books forbidding any music or dancing on Bungelosen street in honor of the lost children. It is the street where the children were last seen. Odd to me is that they have a statue of the Pied Piper on the middle of town and that they hold a festival each year and have the kids dress up as rats. But I guess it brings in the tourists.
Whatever happened, it has left a strong impression on the people of Hamlin. Some of their events are listed from the date the children went missing. Even the city gates are inscribed with "In the year 1556, 275 years after the magician led 130 children out of the town, this portal was erected."

Sorry for the length of the reply, but I know you like historical facts and I always enjoy when you include the background of your stories or poems so I thought I'd share.

Thanks again for stopping by. Now that work is slowing down I hope to drop by more often and catch up on some of your work.

reply by Dean Kuch on 24-Feb-2016

Not at all, Debi. I don't mind a lengthy reply at all, especially when it includes historical facts and records.
That's very strange the city would erect a statue to this man, yet forbid dancing on the very street.

Thank s for the historical information. I certainly appreciate it.
You're very welcome for the review. It's always a pleasure.
~Dean :)

reply by Anonymous Member on 26-Feb-2016

Not at all, Debi. I don't mind a lengthy reply at all, especially when it includes historical facts and records.
That's very strange the city would erect a statue to this man, yet forbid dancing on the very street.

Thank s for the historical information. I certainly appreciate it.
You're very welcome for the review. It's always a pleasure.
~Dean :)

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Great artwork.
-I like the unique style of this poem.
-Good rhyme, imagery, and effective repeated lines.
-I guess you like Pied Pipers!
-A few lines I like are:
* "Oh, troubadour, you lull me into dreams."
-The ending couplet is very good.
-Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2016

Thank you for the gracious review and for pointing out what you like. I guess I am stuck on the Pied Piper theme. I appreciate your encouragement. Debi

reply by Pam (respa) on 24-Feb-2016

You are very welcome. Nothing wrong with the Pied Piper theme the way you do it.

Comment from rspoet

Exceptional

It seems you have Piper DNA in your veins
and Pantoum schemes at your core
for this is one hypnotic poem
that flows like a musical stream
and lulls with melodic dreams
Beware, that troubadour
His notes may be magic
but where does he lead
all that gleams is not what it seems
and the dance is part of a trance
So too, the poem has its own magic
and the poet casts her gentle trance
Oh, but what a dance
and the night is young
Six hypnotic stars

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2016

Thank you so much for the six stars and the wonderful comments about the magic of the poem. Yes, maybe I'm stuck a bit on the Pied Piper lately. Do watch out for him. Who knows what his intentions are? I love your insights on the subject and all the gleams may not be what it seems, but enjoy it while you can. You have made my day!!! Debi

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

Hi, Debi

I really enjoyed this poem. Each quatrain is excellently crafted and filled with mystery and magic as here:

'Hypnotic tunes so tempting on the air.
Oh, troubadour, you lull me into dreams...'

Really well-written, my friend.

:) Bev

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2016

Hi, Bev.
I am pleased you enjoyed this poem. I have a bit of the Piper on the brain lately. I appreciate the comments about the mystery and the magic. You chose to highlight two of my favorite lines. Thank you so much for the encouragement.
Debi

reply by Writingfundimension on 25-Feb-2016

You're very welcome, Debi.

:) Bev

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

These repeating forms are a lot more difficult than they look. When you see a good one like this it seems to flow quite naturally but it may have been a hell of a job to get it to seem that way. In this form of sonnet it is very difficult to get the sort of development normally associated with sonnets, and a volta is virtually impossible due to the repeating lines. This is a great effort and a lovely read. It makes you understand why the kids all followed him.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2016

Hi Pantygynt,
Thank you for the comments about the flow of this repeating form. I agree, a volta in this combined form of sonnet and pantoum is nearly impossible. In fact, I don't believe I've read a Pantoum Sonnet that has accomplished it. I have read a couple of sonnet forms that do not require the volta. Where this is not a pure sonnet, I bet it is one of them. I'll have to look it up again. It never hurts to review.

Thank you for dropping by to review. I am happy to hear you found it a lovely read. Watch out for the Pied Piper.

Comment from AnnaLinda

Excellent

Debi,

I enjoyed reading your well "composed" Pantoum Sonnet with it's
musical theme and flow. I also liked your use of troubadour and
fine rhymes.

Your ending couplet is particularly memorable:

"Pied Piper's music lures me to the dance
with notes that leave me in an awestruck trance."

Your choice of artwork is hypnotizing and a perfect
choice for your beautiful piece!

Linda

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2016

Hi Linda,
Thank you for stopping by. I am pleased you enjoyed this Pantoum Sonnet. I love your play on the word "composed" to go with the musical theme of this poem. Thank you for mentioning the closing couplet as I rewrote it several times. I have to agree with you about the artwork. I do like Angelheart's work. She is very talented.
Debi

Comment from michaelcahill

Excellent

This is one of the smoothest Pantoums I've ever read. I didn't even know it was one until after I read it and THEN considered your notes. Wow. I did not notice. That is smooth and successful. Loved the content, rhyme, rhythm, well, everything about it. A stellar job. mikey

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2016

Thank you for this very encouraging review. That you did not notice the repeating lines and found the poem read smoothly is a wonderful compliment. I am so pleased you liked it. I am smiling. Thank you, Mikey!