The Doctor on Elm
A short story19 total reviews
Comment from RJ
You have created a well done short story, that gave a visual picture while reading, had back story, tension, and ended with the reader wanting to know more of the story. Thank you for sharing. RJ
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2016
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You have created a well done short story, that gave a visual picture while reading, had back story, tension, and ended with the reader wanting to know more of the story. Thank you for sharing. RJ
Comment Written 25-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much, RJ for the great review. John
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Thank you very much, RJ for the great review. John
Comment from Nika2016
It is a very well-written short story. It is both, historical and personal in terms of a woman's point of view from a male perspective. I do not understand these wars. People seem to die for little reason. They call it fighting for freedom, but our freedom is seldom at risk. Be that as it may, I have always been drawn to war stories. Strange for a woman. Great work!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2016
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It is a very well-written short story. It is both, historical and personal in terms of a woman's point of view from a male perspective. I do not understand these wars. People seem to die for little reason. They call it fighting for freedom, but our freedom is seldom at risk. Be that as it may, I have always been drawn to war stories. Strange for a woman. Great work!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2016
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Thank you, Nika for an encouraging review. I appreciate your time. John
Comment from w.j.debi
You bring the war home in a personal way. The sacrifices made by service men and women help so many, but the casualties at home are often overlooked, although the affect so many. You bring depth and emotion to this subject. You are a strong writer. Keep them coming.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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You bring the war home in a personal way. The sacrifices made by service men and women help so many, but the casualties at home are often overlooked, although the affect so many. You bring depth and emotion to this subject. You are a strong writer. Keep them coming.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Thank you debi for such a great review. I'm glad you stopped by to read it, and share you thoughts and feeling.
Always appreciated, John
Comment from Mastery
Hi, John. Sorry I have missed so much of your work. I have been in the hospital with pneumonia and just got back home a few days ago. I knew you were gone for quite a while yourself and hope all is okay with you.
This story is very well-written, John. Your images and details are spot on and effective:
"She looked perfect and was satisfied with her appearance. Her powder blue poodle skirt accentuated her figure and cascaded to just below her knees. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a tight French knot without a single hair out of place."
And:
Suggestions: This paragraaph seems to be misplaced....perhaps make it your second paragraph to go along with the background of the war, then continuiem on: "The Korean war raged on for what seemed to be an eternity. Cheryl's father, a Marine Lieutenant and career military man left for the war as soon as possible. He swore to fight for their cause against those commies. Having already lost her mother at a young age, Cheryl prayed daily for God to return her father safely."
And: "how excited he was about being a new Dad." (I would use "father" here because it sounds more realistic than "dad" in this case)
Overall a good story and although I could see it coming I think it held up very well. Good job, John. Bob
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Hi, John. Sorry I have missed so much of your work. I have been in the hospital with pneumonia and just got back home a few days ago. I knew you were gone for quite a while yourself and hope all is okay with you.
This story is very well-written, John. Your images and details are spot on and effective:
"She looked perfect and was satisfied with her appearance. Her powder blue poodle skirt accentuated her figure and cascaded to just below her knees. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a tight French knot without a single hair out of place."
And:
Suggestions: This paragraaph seems to be misplaced....perhaps make it your second paragraph to go along with the background of the war, then continuiem on: "The Korean war raged on for what seemed to be an eternity. Cheryl's father, a Marine Lieutenant and career military man left for the war as soon as possible. He swore to fight for their cause against those commies. Having already lost her mother at a young age, Cheryl prayed daily for God to return her father safely."
And: "how excited he was about being a new Dad." (I would use "father" here because it sounds more realistic than "dad" in this case)
Overall a good story and although I could see it coming I think it held up very well. Good job, John. Bob
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Hey Bob. I hope your feeling better and getting back into the swing of things.
Great suggestions. I will go back and edit in a few days. Thank you.
Always appreciate your feedback. Take care of yourself, my friend.
John
Comment from MelB
All war is awful and cuts so many lives short. I had a feeling he would not return. A sad reality for so many families. I enjoyed reading this informative piece.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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All war is awful and cuts so many lives short. I had a feeling he would not return. A sad reality for so many families. I enjoyed reading this informative piece.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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MelB. You are so right in your review. Thank you so much for reading and sharing.
John
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, John.
You have written an excellent story. Great mix of history with a fictional tale. Such a sad reality of life, so many young men drafted to fight in war, leaving behind families. You showed this so well in your story.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Hi, John.
You have written an excellent story. Great mix of history with a fictional tale. Such a sad reality of life, so many young men drafted to fight in war, leaving behind families. You showed this so well in your story.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Rosalyne, thank you ever sough for a great review.
Always appreciate your stopping over.
John
Comment from F. Wehr3
Tragic tale. The story seems incomplete, maybe that is the tragedy of war. I found a few things for your consideration.
'By 1952 the war between North and South Korea had escalated and American troops led by General Douglas MacArthur, were in full force aiding the citizens of South Korea and their country.' You start your sentence off with an introductory clause, comma after 1952. You move into two complete sentences( no comma needed because of the intro clause). Then you have a non-essential clause ( led by General Douglas MacArthur) a non-essential clause needs comma before and after. Lastly place a comma after force.
'Cheryl's father, a Marine Lieutenant and career military man left for the war as soon as possible.' You have a non-essential clause in this sentence. Can you find it?
I hope this is helpful.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Tragic tale. The story seems incomplete, maybe that is the tragedy of war. I found a few things for your consideration.
'By 1952 the war between North and South Korea had escalated and American troops led by General Douglas MacArthur, were in full force aiding the citizens of South Korea and their country.' You start your sentence off with an introductory clause, comma after 1952. You move into two complete sentences( no comma needed because of the intro clause). Then you have a non-essential clause ( led by General Douglas MacArthur) a non-essential clause needs comma before and after. Lastly place a comma after force.
'Cheryl's father, a Marine Lieutenant and career military man left for the war as soon as possible.' You have a non-essential clause in this sentence. Can you find it?
I hope this is helpful.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Robert, yes it is helpful, thank you. ?... career military man...?
Honestly I'm guessing. I'll have to research about these non-essential clauses. Thank you for pointing them out. No one has ever mentioned these before.
I appreciate your review and generous rating considering.
John
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Your welcome.
The sentence in question would be: Cheryl's father, a Marine Lieutenant and career military man, left...
Think about it this way. If you took out the entire clause, you still have a complete sentence. That's what makes it non-essential.
Take care,
Russell
Comment from boxergirl
Hi John,
I really like your short story about the Dr. on Elm Street.
The background info that you give in the introduction is engaging and the characters are easy to connect with. They care about each other and we care about them. Sad ending but realistic where war is concerned. Great job.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Hi John,
I really like your short story about the Dr. on Elm Street.
The background info that you give in the introduction is engaging and the characters are easy to connect with. They care about each other and we care about them. Sad ending but realistic where war is concerned. Great job.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Karen, thank you for reading this short story. The Korean War is one rarely studied in history class, but with so many American lives lost, it should be given adequate time. War is sad overall. Thanks for reading and sharing.
John
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"Near thirty-four" should be "nearly thirty-four".
The Korean War took a heavy toll on many Americans and resulted in many broken promises of returning to family that never materialized.
War is never easy, and that includes on the home front, too.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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"Near thirty-four" should be "nearly thirty-four".
The Korean War took a heavy toll on many Americans and resulted in many broken promises of returning to family that never materialized.
War is never easy, and that includes on the home front, too.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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BMW... Thank you for the correction and thank you for sharing. John
Comment from DonandVicki
I have enjoyed reating your story. You have kept me entertained with not only the plot but also with the characters. You did an excellent job with this.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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I have enjoyed reating your story. You have kept me entertained with not only the plot but also with the characters. You did an excellent job with this.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2016
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Thank you for the fine review and stars. John
