2nd Time Around
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Part I, Chapter 6"A fight for life and truth.
9 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
She's finally back but she"s pretty damaged, and nobody is paying for her pain and confusion. Thank you for sharing, and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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She's finally back but she"s pretty damaged, and nobody is paying for her pain and confusion. Thank you for sharing, and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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Thank you kindly.
Comment from AnnieDawn
This chapter content has to have come from a true story somewhere. Otherwise you have one terrific imagination and have carried it out well in your writing. Great job on this chapter and I did not find any errors.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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This chapter content has to have come from a true story somewhere. Otherwise you have one terrific imagination and have carried it out well in your writing. Great job on this chapter and I did not find any errors.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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It just came from research and some common sense to fill in the blanks. Thanks for reading.
Comment from roof35
What a terrible story--not the writing as that is good--but the story of what happened to Sarah. I already hated capital punishment but this just enforced the hatred as it sounds very believable.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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What a terrible story--not the writing as that is good--but the story of what happened to Sarah. I already hated capital punishment but this just enforced the hatred as it sounds very believable.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you. You're right. The death penalty is only useful as a plot device in fiction.
Comment from robyn corum
T.,
Before I forget, please know there are still issues with capitalization at the beginning of sentences. PLEASE check out that website I offered to show you the way to punctuate dialogue appropriately.
More:
1.) Pulling a chair over, (h)e sat down next to the bed
2.) "H ... hello?" she asked, (h)er voice weak.
3.) "I ... I c ... can't m ... move my le ... legs. I ... I c ... can't feel (t)h ... them.
4.) "Wh ... why'd (t)h ... this h ... happen to me ... me?"
5.) Besides, he'd (been) searched before coming into the room,
A lot of research is revealed here again - wonderful job. The descriptions were also very clear and concise. Kudos!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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T.,
Before I forget, please know there are still issues with capitalization at the beginning of sentences. PLEASE check out that website I offered to show you the way to punctuate dialogue appropriately.
More:
1.) Pulling a chair over, (h)e sat down next to the bed
2.) "H ... hello?" she asked, (h)er voice weak.
3.) "I ... I c ... can't m ... move my le ... legs. I ... I c ... can't feel (t)h ... them.
4.) "Wh ... why'd (t)h ... this h ... happen to me ... me?"
5.) Besides, he'd (been) searched before coming into the room,
A lot of research is revealed here again - wonderful job. The descriptions were also very clear and concise. Kudos!
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you kindly.
Comment from damommy
This is good, but I hope you won't be mad at me when I say I liked the first version best. In fact, I thought the entire first version was perfect.
Still friends?
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016
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This is good, but I hope you won't be mad at me when I say I liked the first version best. In fact, I thought the entire first version was perfect.
Still friends?
Comment Written 14-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016
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We're fine. I just split this chapter because the length was unusual above the rest. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from JTStone
This was an excellent rendering. You limited your wordy ways, my friend. This time it was pure motion.
Some of the more memorable moments...
I love the way you put the interaction between Digger and Amelia in there. You described it well--
"it was needed in this grim time"--excellent
And
That was very realistic, the way you brought Sarah back out of the coma--I thought that was a very realistic scene.
I had never read this piece prior, so I wouldn't know the differences. I will say this is a step up from most of your writing. You are vastly improved over the last couple of months.
Jimmy
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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This was an excellent rendering. You limited your wordy ways, my friend. This time it was pure motion.
Some of the more memorable moments...
I love the way you put the interaction between Digger and Amelia in there. You described it well--
"it was needed in this grim time"--excellent
And
That was very realistic, the way you brought Sarah back out of the coma--I thought that was a very realistic scene.
I had never read this piece prior, so I wouldn't know the differences. I will say this is a step up from most of your writing. You are vastly improved over the last couple of months.
Jimmy
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much. It's a learning process.
Comment from P1
aw this is brill. i missed this first time round so to speak
are you using any particular method of editing because it
is word perfect. are you going to edit all the chapters online
i only caught up with your book in the middle. this was my first
read of the day and it has my adrenaline pumping !!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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aw this is brill. i missed this first time round so to speak
are you using any particular method of editing because it
is word perfect. are you going to edit all the chapters online
i only caught up with your book in the middle. this was my first
read of the day and it has my adrenaline pumping !!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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I use Pro Writing Aide. I've got the Prologue and Chapters 1 through 6 done. Thank you and welcome aboard.
Comment from DonandVicki
A very touching and well constructed crime story, an exciting situation that is easy to follow. You keep the reader wanting more at the end. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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A very touching and well constructed crime story, an exciting situation that is easy to follow. You keep the reader wanting more at the end. Well done.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much.
Comment from thonnigford09
Excellently written. Spaced well for easy reading. Went quickly to see what would happen. This is not like what I have read in a while, as I have been reading poetry lately, but was intriguing. Thanks, thonnigford09.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Excellently written. Spaced well for easy reading. Went quickly to see what would happen. This is not like what I have read in a while, as I have been reading poetry lately, but was intriguing. Thanks, thonnigford09.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much.. I appreciate this high vote of confidence.
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Thanks.
