Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Two Times"Poems /stories on Fanstory
31 total reviews
Comment from kittykatnoel
Wow, this looks very difficult but fun, I will give it a try. Thank you for the prod to try something new. Your poem is very good. Have a great day and thank you again for the introduction to monometer.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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Wow, this looks very difficult but fun, I will give it a try. Thank you for the prod to try something new. Your poem is very good. Have a great day and thank you again for the introduction to monometer.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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Hi kittykat, Thank a lot for reading two times and for your encouraging review and do have a go at this style although I had to be minful of the syllable stress being on the second word and not the first so learning all the time I hope I got most of it right LOL Cheers Christine😃
Comment from BeasPeas
Nicely composed. I enjoyed reading your monometer. I've never tried one of these, but must try it. Image of kitty is perfect with his/her paw on the rhyme book. Marilyn
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Nicely composed. I enjoyed reading your monometer. I've never tried one of these, but must try it. Image of kitty is perfect with his/her paw on the rhyme book. Marilyn
Comment Written 01-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Hi Marilyn i am pleased you enjoyed my effort for this contest . It is harder than I first thought but had fun trying Cheers. and yes I loved the Cat too Cheers
Comment from Leineco
LOL - I enjoyed the direction you took with this :-)
I know. . . I'll write about
learning how to write this new form
I just tripped on -curtailing my words
to a maximum two, then making them
flow like smooth maple syrup!!
Love it :-)
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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LOL - I enjoyed the direction you took with this :-)
I know. . . I'll write about
learning how to write this new form
I just tripped on -curtailing my words
to a maximum two, then making them
flow like smooth maple syrup!!
Love it :-)
Comment Written 01-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Hi Lenico , a bit of a different take for this contest and I enjoyed your poetic review , Cheers heaps for reading and reviewing
Comment from hari anand
Nice...you tried to define your first attempt at iambic monometer poetry...it's a fun form..if it turns out well. Best of luck for the contest
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2016
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Nice...you tried to define your first attempt at iambic monometer poetry...it's a fun form..if it turns out well. Best of luck for the contest
Comment Written 31-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2016
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Hi harrunanand, Thank for reading and giving me a review, it is fun and really not asxeasy as I first thought, so thanls for hour best of luck wishes. Win lose or draw I felt it worth haveing a go Cheers
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Hi harrunanand, Thank for reading and giving me a review, it is fun and really not asxeasy as I first thought, so thanls for hour best of luck wishes. Win lose or draw I felt it worth haveing a go Cheers
Comment from Beara Bella
A very good poem about writing and trying poetry with two syllables. I can tell you were inspired by what the contest is asking the writers for it to do. I like to say inspiration comes from anywhere and everywhere and it is true.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2016
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A very good poem about writing and trying poetry with two syllables. I can tell you were inspired by what the contest is asking the writers for it to do. I like to say inspiration comes from anywhere and everywhere and it is true.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2016
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Hi Beara Bella., Thank you for reading my poem and for your review, I had a bit od fun with this but it really isn't as easy as it sounds, have learnt a lot during this process . Reallly appreciate your support . Cheers
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Hi Beara Bella., Thank you for reading my poem and for your review, I had a bit od fun with this but it really isn't as easy as it sounds, have learnt a lot during this process . Reallly appreciate your support . Cheers
Comment from c_lucas
Your editor does not seem to be interested in your work. LOL. Brooke wanted me to expand my poetry, but I've stayed with the short form. If it ain't broken, don't fix it.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Your editor does not seem to be interested in your work. LOL. Brooke wanted me to expand my poetry, but I've stayed with the short form. If it ain't broken, don't fix it.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Hi C Lucas , Thanks for your review and comments . My editor has done a re write so hopefully this latest version is more to an iambic meter hope so . sometimes a push is nneded Cheers
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You're welcome, Chrissy. Charlie
Comment from robyn corum
Chrissy,
I have to admit that your first few lines sound like a contradiction - that this poem form is easy, BUT it's hard to find the words to use... (perhaps 'It's not'/ 'easy'/...?)
As a first attempt I thought this was really good. Good luck in the contest!
(Please let me know if you revise, and I will happily revisit and re-rate!)
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Chrissy,
I have to admit that your first few lines sound like a contradiction - that this poem form is easy, BUT it's hard to find the words to use... (perhaps 'It's not'/ 'easy'/...?)
As a first attempt I thought this was really good. Good luck in the contest!
(Please let me know if you revise, and I will happily revisit and re-rate!)
Comment Written 30-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Hi Robyn, thanks for your review and I accept your rating as it propably only warrants a 4 star as I had written it. I have had some other feedbcak too re the Iambic meter and foolishly ignored but this but after a good sleep have revisited this and hopefully now it meets all requirements. with a little re jig of the word flow. Please feel free to jave another look and I would appreciate your feedback . It is not as easy as it looks and have found this out LOL Cheers Christine
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Chrissy! I am so impressed~! It's obvious you have taken some things said to heart and the poem shows it. Great job!
Comment from JanPerry
It is good work. There is no rhyme to make it interesting but you have
achieved the two syllable challenge. The picture tells a story of you using
a rhyming dictionary, but you haven't used it!
good work.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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It is good work. There is no rhyme to make it interesting but you have
achieved the two syllable challenge. The picture tells a story of you using
a rhyming dictionary, but you haven't used it!
good work.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Hi Jan ,Thanks so much for your review and comments. I am still learning about all the different styles of poetry and although I have made the 2 syllable count ( as I ran it all through a syllable counter) I have now realised it is not strictly in iambic monometer , which I have just looked up also, and it does not need a rhyme either. These words just fitted the syllable count and I hadn't taken into account the other requirement so one learns all the time, bit I had fun having a go and really appreciate everyones input so I will be better next time so many thanks and Cheers
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no problems - you realise that by telling everyone you are new - they will just correct you anyway.
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Hi Jan Thanks for your reply and yes I have had a rewrite based on advice from a few others including you and hopefully have fixed up the iambic meter LOL .always happy to accept advice and I can see people are usually only willing to hepl so Thanks so much Hope version too does meet requirements. Many Cheers
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the first half is good - the second half, needs work still
Comment from lightink
The poem is lovely and described the process of creating this form very well. Some of the lines would need a little touch ups for they are not iambic.
The accent always has to be on the second syllable.
The following lines don't scan well:
It is. (it looks sounds better)
easy (less hard?)
but one
must try
hard to (so hard)
find good (to find)
words that (good words)
sound right (that sound)
(just right)
when read
aloud
and flows ( I suggest 'it flows")
with or
without
rhyme or (a rhyme)
rhythm (it can't be fitted in there, I'd leave out this line)
free verse
allowed
so here
is my (it is -)
first try (my first)
Thanks for (attempt)
reading. (I'm glad)
(you read)
(it through )
I hope it makes sense!
It's a good piece, just the rhythm needs adjustment.
Warmly,
J
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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The poem is lovely and described the process of creating this form very well. Some of the lines would need a little touch ups for they are not iambic.
The accent always has to be on the second syllable.
The following lines don't scan well:
It is. (it looks sounds better)
easy (less hard?)
but one
must try
hard to (so hard)
find good (to find)
words that (good words)
sound right (that sound)
(just right)
when read
aloud
and flows ( I suggest 'it flows")
with or
without
rhyme or (a rhyme)
rhythm (it can't be fitted in there, I'd leave out this line)
free verse
allowed
so here
is my (it is -)
first try (my first)
Thanks for (attempt)
reading. (I'm glad)
(you read)
(it through )
I hope it makes sense!
It's a good piece, just the rhythm needs adjustment.
Warmly,
J
Comment Written 30-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Hi Lightink. I think the penny has finally dropped re iambic meter and syllables for this style. so I thank you very much for your review and helpful hints. I am still learning recall the different styles and poetry language and requirements. so When I did this it looked quite easy as it just said 2 syllables per line and although I read the example one i probably didn't take notice of the syllable accent on the 2 nd one, so off I went and although I think I stuck to the syllable count I now know I was off on the technical side. However I will leave it as is for now as I feel too many changes would not make it as I originally thought and I feel it would be a combination of everybody elses. But I am truly grateful for your help and next one will be a lot better . so many Thanks again also for your support Cheers
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Hi Lightink. I think the penny has finally dropped re iambic meter and syllables for this style. so I thank you very much for your review and helpful hints. I am still learning recall the different styles and poetry language and requirements. so When I did this it looked quite easy as it just said 2 syllables per line and although I read the example one i probably didn't take notice of the syllable accent on the 2 nd one, so off I went and although I think I stuck to the syllable count I now know I was off on the technical side. However I will leave it as is for now as I feel too many changes would not make it as I originally thought and I feel it would be a combination of everybody elses. But I am truly grateful for your help and next one will be a lot better . so many Thanks again also for your support Cheers
-
Hi Lightink. I think the penny has finally dropped re iambic meter and syllables for this style. so I thank you very much for your review and helpful hints. I am still learning recall the different styles and poetry language and requirements. so When I did this it looked quite easy as it just said 2 syllables per line and although I read the example one i probably didn't take notice of the syllable accent on the 2 nd one, so off I went and although I think I stuck to the syllable count I now know I was off on the technical side. However I will leave it as is for now as I feel too many changes would not make it as I originally thought and I feel it would be a combination of everybody elses. But I am truly grateful for your help and next one will be a lot better . so many Thanks again also for your support Cheers
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Hi lightink, Re my last reply I have now revised this after a good night sleep and fresh eyes, and Again thank you for your assistance to help me understand where the last version went wrong in the iambic meter flow. I did some reasearch on this matter and hopefully This latest version meets requirement, based on your suggestions, so I truly thank you for your great review and I hope I have done the requiremments justice this time. I think I finally understand the iambic monometer language. Please feel free to have another look and your feedback would be most welcome. With much appreciation for your help Cheers Christine
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Much better! The only two places that are off are rhythm and easy for they both have accent on the first syllable.
The dictionary.reference.com shows the accent of the words. Also, thesaurus.com is great for word options. I took mountainwriter's meter class. I think it's amazing in teaching it. I hope this helps.
You are almost there:).
Love,
J
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Thanks J Will have another think about these words I really wanted to use the word easy at this is what the whole challenge is about but becausecit is a 2 syllable word I cant add another one with this . Same as Rhythm so not sure if I will leave them in as is I will have a think about that. bit thanks for looking at the rest . I will get there and have learnt heaps so Thanks again and Cheers for your time and advice . And I will do a course and learn the dynamics of writing C
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version three now done LOL will get there I hope have gone with not hard Cheers C
Comment from pharp
Christine,
You did an excellent job in the penning of this two syllables per line contest entry. I gave it a try and couldn't stay focus. I love your artwork and I need that rhyming dictionary. Thanks for sharing and the very best in the contest. Blessings.......Portia
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Christine,
You did an excellent job in the penning of this two syllables per line contest entry. I gave it a try and couldn't stay focus. I love your artwork and I need that rhyming dictionary. Thanks for sharing and the very best in the contest. Blessings.......Portia
Comment Written 29-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Hi Portia Thanks a million for your lovely support and comments .A new one for me and had fun with it and I loved the artwork also. As always hugs and Cheers Christine😀
