Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 363 "The Statue"Small and Specialty Poems
10 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
I certainly commend you for writing in tetrameter using trochee, Tom. I enjoyed the story of the lovers and how their love brought their warring tribes to peace. Your photo is lovely, but I wish I could see the statue clearer.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016
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I certainly commend you for writing in tetrameter using trochee, Tom. I enjoyed the story of the lovers and how their love brought their warring tribes to peace. Your photo is lovely, but I wish I could see the statue clearer.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 28-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016
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Thank you Karyn. Yes, when I posted it on the site I got a bit blurry.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
The poem of Hiawatha and Minnehaha was my first taste of poetry when I was a child at school, it had a profound affect on me and I have loved poetry ever since. I have always wanted to write an epic like Longfellow, you might have noticed some of mine are long! But, I haven't managed to create one quite as long as his...yet! I enjoyed your version of his poem, Tom, you are so lucky to live in his home-town. A very enjoyable and well-written poem, my friend. xsx Sandra
I am so sorry, my friend, I have no idea how that happened. xxx
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2016
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The poem of Hiawatha and Minnehaha was my first taste of poetry when I was a child at school, it had a profound affect on me and I have loved poetry ever since. I have always wanted to write an epic like Longfellow, you might have noticed some of mine are long! But, I haven't managed to create one quite as long as his...yet! I enjoyed your version of his poem, Tom, you are so lucky to live in his home-town. A very enjoyable and well-written poem, my friend. xsx Sandra
I am so sorry, my friend, I have no idea how that happened. xxx
Comment Written 27-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2016
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Thank you Sandra. Did you intend to rank it a 4?
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NO!! I am so sorry. Going to change it now!!! xxx
Comment from Pantygynt
The most amazing thing about the Hiawatha poem is that its content is such that it transcends the problems inherent with short trochaic lines and at no times becomes boring.
You have made a very reasonable job of emulating Longfellow's technique with some really fine lines and others less effective in close proximity. For example:
These two smitten native lovers
Long ago their legend left as {This is wonderful feminine near rhyme}
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Through the forest, braving (the snow) {surely a mistake, Tom, the trochee has disappeared here. Snowstorm would work.}
They create a brave new wind song
Only one other instance of wobbly trochee did I spot:
"Sharing their love among themselves"
Well I suppose this can be made to work but it sounds somewhat unatural to me
Perhaps you might consider "Sharing love between their two selves".
Despite these criticisms I think this is a sterling effort. I don't find trochee comes easily to me and the slight variations to some of the line endings (like Longfellow) make this an excellent non comic parody of the original.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2016
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The most amazing thing about the Hiawatha poem is that its content is such that it transcends the problems inherent with short trochaic lines and at no times becomes boring.
You have made a very reasonable job of emulating Longfellow's technique with some really fine lines and others less effective in close proximity. For example:
These two smitten native lovers
Long ago their legend left as {This is wonderful feminine near rhyme}
...
Through the forest, braving (the snow) {surely a mistake, Tom, the trochee has disappeared here. Snowstorm would work.}
They create a brave new wind song
Only one other instance of wobbly trochee did I spot:
"Sharing their love among themselves"
Well I suppose this can be made to work but it sounds somewhat unatural to me
Perhaps you might consider "Sharing love between their two selves".
Despite these criticisms I think this is a sterling effort. I don't find trochee comes easily to me and the slight variations to some of the line endings (like Longfellow) make this an excellent non comic parody of the original.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2016
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Thank you Pantygynt. I really appreciate your input, as I did struggle with the trochee. I took your suggestion of the snow storm ( don't know why I didn't think of that), and rewrote the "sharing love" line. Also rearranged the gap there too. I am much happier. Your helped immensely.
Comment from Pyrrho
The flow is a bit difficult to maintain when I recited the subject poem aloud. Also, it is not made up consistently of trochaic feet but it is close. I give you an A for effort ... I would never try to be consistent as is required in sonnets for iambs and trochees for this one.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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The flow is a bit difficult to maintain when I recited the subject poem aloud. Also, it is not made up consistently of trochaic feet but it is close. I give you an A for effort ... I would never try to be consistent as is required in sonnets for iambs and trochees for this one.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Thanks Pyrrho. Neither would I.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Your free verse has the energy and vibrancy of Longfellow's lines. I remember memorizing 'Then the little Hiawatha, learned of every bird its language ...' in school.
Beautifully done, Tom. Very informative. Inspiring pic.
Sonali
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Your free verse has the energy and vibrancy of Longfellow's lines. I remember memorizing 'Then the little Hiawatha, learned of every bird its language ...' in school.
Beautifully done, Tom. Very informative. Inspiring pic.
Sonali
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Thank you Sonali. Yes, that's in chapter 2. Here's to a good education that encourages literature
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Amen!
Comment from foxangie123
I could relate to this as there is a special cottage there, won't say who's, but their is and I really like this. The countryside there is magical as is your poem...
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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I could relate to this as there is a special cottage there, won't say who's, but their is and I really like this. The countryside there is magical as is your poem...
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Thank you foxangie.
Comment from Joan E.
I have not heard about these characters for some time--the statue you photographed looks like he is carrying her in an endearing posture. I admired the way you emulated Longfellow's style and your resounding "Nevermore" as you reminded us of this dramatic story and your continuing waterfall theme! Here's to your continuing to be inspired by Minnesota- Joan
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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I have not heard about these characters for some time--the statue you photographed looks like he is carrying her in an endearing posture. I admired the way you emulated Longfellow's style and your resounding "Nevermore" as you reminded us of this dramatic story and your continuing waterfall theme! Here's to your continuing to be inspired by Minnesota- Joan
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Thank you Joan. I guess it's just in my blood.
Comment from TAB_that's me
Even back them, there are stories of love that can't be stopped no matter what. I enjoyed your story poem about these two.
Teresa
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Even back them, there are stories of love that can't be stopped no matter what. I enjoyed your story poem about these two.
Teresa
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Thank you Teresa. Yup, love happens no matter what.
Comment from William Ross
Very good and very well written a great free verse and style poem, great story thanks for sharing this. has a good flow read when read. have a wonderful day.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Very good and very well written a great free verse and style poem, great story thanks for sharing this. has a good flow read when read. have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Thank you William.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Great historic and interesting poem. The form seems complicated to me though. An old romantic story, where two lovers does not get the blessing of their elders, but still their love stays strong.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Great historic and interesting poem. The form seems complicated to me though. An old romantic story, where two lovers does not get the blessing of their elders, but still their love stays strong.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Thank you Sandra. It's isn't a natural format to write, for sure.
