Comment from Seraphim Delphinium

Excellent

Dark free form with just the right touch of sarcasm. What could get any better than that? Great descriptors. Fantastic pen you have there, poet. Bravo! Seraph~

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2016

Thank you, Seraph, or is that Angel Flower?

Got to delve into the dark side sometimes.

Steve

Comment from nancyjam

Excellent

Terrific imagery Steve and a surprise
ending that prompts the reader to
go back and read again and discover that
it really isn't a surprise as you hint with
carefully chosen words what's coming.
Nicely done.
Nancy

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thanks, Nancy.

Nobody seems to have got my real intention here - tht the whole thing was a metaphor for the deth of the relationship...

Steve

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Exceptional

Whoa. Talk about impact. That last line hit me like a punch. Didn't see it coming, Steve. The feeling lingers even as I write this. Well done. The descriptions as the body is unearthed are brilliant. It builds and builds right up to that final statement.

Love your stuff, and trust this one is entirely fictional. ;)

Av

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016

Av, thanks so much for the great review and the six stars. Not quite sure where this came from, but we are frequently unearthing things around our property...

Actually, I don't think a single reviewer sees this the way I saw it, so I may have been too subtle for my own good, or perhaps they are too used to me being funny. It's really a metaphor for the failed relationship which keeps coming back to haunt him...

Maybe it means I'm getting to be a real poet, if nobody understands me! That's my theory...

Steve

reply by Cumbrianlass on 10-Jan-2016

Ah. I confess I missed that too, but now you"ve pointed it out... Adds even more depth to your poem - if you'll pardon the pun! :)

Comment from Just2Write

Excellent

YIKES! And here I thought you were a nice guy. Goes to show, you can't trust the gentle quiet types. EXCELLENT suspense and tease all the way through this Free Verse - At first, I thought it was a rancher speaking about someone who had rustled up some sheep or cattle, or strays from the herd that got tangled up in some nasty barbed wire. Then, POW that twisted ending. Great stuff, Steve.
This one woke me up for the day.
Rose.

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thanks Rose.

I have to say that nobody really 'got' this one. I'm consoling myself by thinking I must be a real poet now if I'm being too subtle for my readers! It's really a metaphor for a dad relationship, or at least the recurring memories of it...

Steve

reply by Just2Write on 12-Jan-2016

Yup - I read this again, and I still don't see it as a 'dad' metaphor. I must be losing my touch, too. I used to think I could read pretty much everything a poet was trying to say. R.

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2016

Oops! a DEAD relationship which he's trying to bury but it keeps re-surfacing. No Dads involved - my typo!

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

"alike to no such aureate earth are turned, as, buried once, men want dug up again" Fitzgerald says Omar said. A crisp, startling fine bit of free verse.

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thank you.

Steve

Comment from BillyCraven

Excellent

well done, this is a very solid piece of work. in a way i wish it was a short story rather than a poem, or maybe a poem that exists within a story, or a series of poems, just because the ending points to so much more. but, your command of the language is to be applauded

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thanks, Billy.

Didn't somebody once say, 'Leave 'em wanting more.'? perhaps that's what I have done here by leaving large parts of this story untold.

Steve

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

Oooh... it takes the breath away, Steve. That ending! The poem begs to be read twice or more times when we realise we should have taken more notice of the early lines. It is a story with a beginning middle and end so powerful. Well done. Giddy

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thanks, Giddy. i guess that's what a poet wants - to make his reader want to read again.

Actually, I don't know if any of my readers truly 'got' this one. My real intention was to present a metaphor for the 'dead' relationship or at least the recurring memories of it. Oh, well. Perhaps it means I am becoming a real poet if no one understands me.

Steve

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

OMG! Awesome ending... I thought... now where is he going with this..?
small animal? little cow carcass? ahhhh... lovely bones! ;)
Well done Steve! I absolutely DID laugh out loud!


Rusty wire
twisted into cruel parodies,
a mockery
of love and caring,
sharp ends jagged
to snatch at eyes,
catch the unwary;
wounds of dishonour
and rasp of wrongdoing.

(loved that part...)
and the ending...

ah... perfection!
well done and good luck in the contest! You're on a roll lately!;)
Cat

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thanks, Cat.

Actually, I don't know if any of my readers truly 'got' this one. My real intention was to present a metaphor for the 'dead' relationship or at least the recurring memories of it. Oh, well. Perhaps it means I am becoming a real poet if no one understands me.

Steve

Comment from The Cowboy Poet

Excellent

The personification at the beginning of the poem sets the tone for what is going to happen. "Disgorges" is a good word to set the mood. The imagery is excellent throughout the poem, leading the reader to a horrible, but not totally unexpected, conclusion. Very well constructed. Cowboy.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thank you, Cowboy.

Actually, I don't know if any of my readers truly 'got' this one. My real intention was to present a metaphor for the 'dead' relationship or at least the recurring memories of it. Oh, well. Perhaps it means I am becoming a real poet if no one understands me.

Steve

Comment from krys123

Exceptional

Steve;
-I simply love it. Your conceptual theme throughout your writing leads up to the final and actual concept of your writing.
-This free verse piece of poetry is written with the imagery that is just fantastically distinct, clear and exquisitely expressive while being also vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing. Verse by verse you describe and explain what the person in the poem is digging up until he finally realizes that he buried his wife to close to the top of the ground.
-Good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always Steve.
Alex

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thanks, Alex - I appreciate the kind words and the six stars.

Steve

reply by krys123 on 12-Jan-2016

You are very welcome Steve.
Alex