Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 359 "Wills and Spirits"Small and Specialty Poems
10 total reviews
Comment from Sambangi
I must admit I'm not competent to judge a Rubiyat as I never read or wrote in this format. But I enjoyed reading it, similes and metaphors greatly used here. It is true, if we can survive the storm, life would be beautiful. I do understand what you were referring saying longer storms. It's an unfortunate thing, but it's life and we need to survive. Great poem
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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I must admit I'm not competent to judge a Rubiyat as I never read or wrote in this format. But I enjoyed reading it, similes and metaphors greatly used here. It is true, if we can survive the storm, life would be beautiful. I do understand what you were referring saying longer storms. It's an unfortunate thing, but it's life and we need to survive. Great poem
Comment Written 11-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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I thank you Sambangi. Well put.
Comment from LIJ Red
No telling what Omar said, but Fitzgerald came up with some famous
Rubaiyats paraphrasing him. It's a sound rhyme scheme. An excellent post.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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No telling what Omar said, but Fitzgerald came up with some famous
Rubaiyats paraphrasing him. It's a sound rhyme scheme. An excellent post.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016
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Thank you LIJ Red.
Comment from Joan E.
You always make complex forms look simple and you add artwork that brings the work to an even higher level. I admired your rhyme schemes and the way you made us want to be "like the birds" and weather "dark horizons". Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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You always make complex forms look simple and you add artwork that brings the work to an even higher level. I admired your rhyme schemes and the way you made us want to be "like the birds" and weather "dark horizons". Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you Joan. I love the challenge and the opportunity to show my photographs. So glad you like them.
Comment from MLEaton
A beautiful photograph, well modified. Well done! It really gives a sense of freedom to the poetry. I love your use of language: 'seagull's acrobatic antics' is simply wonderful. The alliteration there and in 'wind-battered wings' is great
I also like the intricate style and rhyme scheme. You may be wondering why I have only given five stars - it's because in a few places the meter and language is a little unsteady.
But overall, it's great. Thank you for sharing
Marion:)
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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A beautiful photograph, well modified. Well done! It really gives a sense of freedom to the poetry. I love your use of language: 'seagull's acrobatic antics' is simply wonderful. The alliteration there and in 'wind-battered wings' is great
I also like the intricate style and rhyme scheme. You may be wondering why I have only given five stars - it's because in a few places the meter and language is a little unsteady.
But overall, it's great. Thank you for sharing
Marion:)
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you Marion for a detailed and excellent review. I appreciate your forthright explanation of your ranking, not that I expect one from everyone.
Comment from rama devi
Wise and insightful. Fine simile and great message. The form is musical and interesting. Had not heard of it before
Superb flow (meter) and rhyming. Nice smattering of alliteration too, Like A, T, W and C in the first stanza, with fine consonance effect as well!
*one suggestion:
Because(,) just like the birds, we juke and jive.
LOVE the alliteration of J in that line. Wow!
*These are well voiced:
There have been dark horizons looking glum.
We've weathered them to be what we've become.
However, the accent on HAVE sounds slightly forced to my ear. (Might be a matter of diction)...and it feels slightly choppy too. How about this idea...make it all one sentence by using WHILE?
Example:
While facing dark horizons looking glum,
We've weathered them to be what we've become.
Really enjoyed the depth and musicality here. Bravo.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Wise and insightful. Fine simile and great message. The form is musical and interesting. Had not heard of it before
Superb flow (meter) and rhyming. Nice smattering of alliteration too, Like A, T, W and C in the first stanza, with fine consonance effect as well!
*one suggestion:
Because(,) just like the birds, we juke and jive.
LOVE the alliteration of J in that line. Wow!
*These are well voiced:
There have been dark horizons looking glum.
We've weathered them to be what we've become.
However, the accent on HAVE sounds slightly forced to my ear. (Might be a matter of diction)...and it feels slightly choppy too. How about this idea...make it all one sentence by using WHILE?
Example:
While facing dark horizons looking glum,
We've weathered them to be what we've become.
Really enjoyed the depth and musicality here. Bravo.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you Rama Divi, for a very thoughtful review. I loved your suggestions and took them both.
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Yay! Nice to hear. Glad to help! Warm smiles, rd
Comment from Pantygynt
Happy New Year, Tom. Yes they are amazing birds to watch. I imagine you have read the novella Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, but in case it has slipped past unnoticed i can strongly recommend it.
This imagage of the seagul is an excellent metaphor for human life and the interlocking form you have employed drives us on from stage to stage.
You'd think they'd give us all a bonus six stars to start the year with wouldn't you. Lol. As it is you'll have to be content with a virtual 6 here.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Happy New Year, Tom. Yes they are amazing birds to watch. I imagine you have read the novella Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, but in case it has slipped past unnoticed i can strongly recommend it.
This imagage of the seagul is an excellent metaphor for human life and the interlocking form you have employed drives us on from stage to stage.
You'd think they'd give us all a bonus six stars to start the year with wouldn't you. Lol. As it is you'll have to be content with a virtual 6 here.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you Pantygynt. Yes, I did read it and loves Neal Diamonds musical as well as the movie. It was spiritually uplifting and portrayed their dominant spirit.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
We build character through troubles and hardship in our lives. Every stone in our path is there for a reason. We can either go over it or find a path around it. Happy New Year for you and your family.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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We build character through troubles and hardship in our lives. Every stone in our path is there for a reason. We can either go over it or find a path around it. Happy New Year for you and your family.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you Sandra. You too.
Comment from seaglass
Thanks you for introducing me to the Rubiyat. It works very well with your theme.
"Remember where you've been and where you're from." I find myself doing this more and more as I get older. It makes me more tolerant of others when I apply the principal as well.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thanks you for introducing me to the Rubiyat. It works very well with your theme.
"Remember where you've been and where you're from." I find myself doing this more and more as I get older. It makes me more tolerant of others when I apply the principal as well.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you seaglass. Yes, me too.
Comment from busses
I love this poem, as well as the pattern which I have never tried. Your words here are tender and carefully placed. I appreciate the last line as everyone should troubled or not. Thank you
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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I love this poem, as well as the pattern which I have never tried. Your words here are tender and carefully placed. I appreciate the last line as everyone should troubled or not. Thank you
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you busses.
Comment from springfinnalycame
O yes, sir. How I like those poems that talks about life as a journey. In the end no matter what, we will still survive. It is a law and it is a part of basis of universe. In spite of it what we can not get rid of the feeling of fatalism and determinism.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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O yes, sir. How I like those poems that talks about life as a journey. In the end no matter what, we will still survive. It is a law and it is a part of basis of universe. In spite of it what we can not get rid of the feeling of fatalism and determinism.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you soringfinnallycame. Those are some deep thoughts.
