2nd Time Around
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Part I, Chapter 9"A fight for life and truth.
14 total reviews
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Great job again. I thought this was another excellent chapter. Sarah's story was touching. I could feel her emotional stress and see how much prison has tormented her. But I enjoyed the entire chapter from the cops doing nothing when alerted that civilians were on the floor. This reads like someone that has spent a lot of time in a police station. Very strong chapter. Emotional one too.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Great job again. I thought this was another excellent chapter. Sarah's story was touching. I could feel her emotional stress and see how much prison has tormented her. But I enjoyed the entire chapter from the cops doing nothing when alerted that civilians were on the floor. This reads like someone that has spent a lot of time in a police station. Very strong chapter. Emotional one too.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Wendy G
Another good read. I am enjoying reading your work a lot even though I have obviously missed some chapters. I keep wondering how you know so much detail about the inner workings of prisons. I assume you must have worked in the system, and remember it all very clearly Well written.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Another good read. I am enjoying reading your work a lot even though I have obviously missed some chapters. I keep wondering how you know so much detail about the inner workings of prisons. I assume you must have worked in the system, and remember it all very clearly Well written.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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No, just did research. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Poor woman, no wonder she wants to die, they let her succumb to her filth. I hope the lawyers will turn the table around for her. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Poor woman, no wonder she wants to die, they let her succumb to her filth. I hope the lawyers will turn the table around for her. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Fingers crossed. Thank you.
Comment from aryr
Boy when I said rough I didn't actually realize the treatment she was getting. I am glad Donna is on board.
Garrett may think it crazy but its a challenge .
Just when there is hope there is another disaster.
reply by the author on 24-May-2016
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Boy when I said rough I didn't actually realize the treatment she was getting. I am glad Donna is on board.
Garrett may think it crazy but its a challenge .
Just when there is hope there is another disaster.
Comment Written 24-May-2016
reply by the author on 24-May-2016
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Yes, that's the way it can go. Thank you.
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welcome
Comment from DonandVicki
A very well written piece of fiction. You have the ability to pull the reader into the plot of the story. Your characters are very well constructed.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016
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A very well written piece of fiction. You have the ability to pull the reader into the plot of the story. Your characters are very well constructed.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016
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Thank you very much.
Comment from foxangie123
I so remember reading this piece of yours. Mist often I recognize your unique and interesting qualities that I'm such a fan of. Great things are headed your direction.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016
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I so remember reading this piece of yours. Mist often I recognize your unique and interesting qualities that I'm such a fan of. Great things are headed your direction.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016
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Thank you very much.
Comment from MTF1955
This is my first reading this but found it excellent. I hope I will have a chance to read what comes next. Great job and very convincing. mary
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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This is my first reading this but found it excellent. I hope I will have a chance to read what comes next. Great job and very convincing. mary
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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The entire book, 2nd Time Around, is posted. Thank you for your interest, time, and review.
Comment from Winslow
Dear Teols,
I just read the beginning. It seems like you have a good plot and describe the scenes well.
This could be improved by tightening, eliminating most ly words, avoiding repetition of words, and using more active voice.
Here is a suggested edit for this section
"My name is Donna Smith," The older woman said. "unlike these other folks, I am not a criminal defense attorney. I specialize in disability and education law. I've dealt with getting the necessary accommodations which students need in their schools, an issue that becomes more prevalent with more disabled students being mainstreamed."
She stopped to have some water.
After drinking, she continued. "Doug recruited me based on my reputation. I had never been inside of a prison, but when I met Sarah, I wished I had gotten there a lot sooner..."
2006:
"...My name is Ryan Duffy," The corrections officer said, approaching the two women in the corridor. "I'm the captain of this unit. This is Mike Cook. He'll take you through the tier."
Neither officer moved to shake hands so Grace and Donna didn't do so either. In all honesty, they wanted to get on with this.
It took a lot of pushing on Doug's part and a court order to grease the wheels. Ultimately, the women were granted permission to visit Sarah in her cell. Since Donna was a disability rights attorney, she insisted on seeing the environment where her new client lived. She and Grace both had to undergo extensive searches before they were admitted, with the corrections officers doing pretty much everything but strip-searching them.
Now just outside of the unit, they were receiving final instructions from Captain Duffy, who stated it was all for their safety.
"She's on the bottom tier, the last cell on the right. You stay to the center until you get right in front of it. Officer Cook will escort you the whole way. You stay by the cell until you are ready to leave and you stay with him both ways. You do not go near or talk to another inmate. You do not exchange items with any of them. Is that understood?
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Dear Teols,
I just read the beginning. It seems like you have a good plot and describe the scenes well.
This could be improved by tightening, eliminating most ly words, avoiding repetition of words, and using more active voice.
Here is a suggested edit for this section
"My name is Donna Smith," The older woman said. "unlike these other folks, I am not a criminal defense attorney. I specialize in disability and education law. I've dealt with getting the necessary accommodations which students need in their schools, an issue that becomes more prevalent with more disabled students being mainstreamed."
She stopped to have some water.
After drinking, she continued. "Doug recruited me based on my reputation. I had never been inside of a prison, but when I met Sarah, I wished I had gotten there a lot sooner..."
2006:
"...My name is Ryan Duffy," The corrections officer said, approaching the two women in the corridor. "I'm the captain of this unit. This is Mike Cook. He'll take you through the tier."
Neither officer moved to shake hands so Grace and Donna didn't do so either. In all honesty, they wanted to get on with this.
It took a lot of pushing on Doug's part and a court order to grease the wheels. Ultimately, the women were granted permission to visit Sarah in her cell. Since Donna was a disability rights attorney, she insisted on seeing the environment where her new client lived. She and Grace both had to undergo extensive searches before they were admitted, with the corrections officers doing pretty much everything but strip-searching them.
Now just outside of the unit, they were receiving final instructions from Captain Duffy, who stated it was all for their safety.
"She's on the bottom tier, the last cell on the right. You stay to the center until you get right in front of it. Officer Cook will escort you the whole way. You stay by the cell until you are ready to leave and you stay with him both ways. You do not go near or talk to another inmate. You do not exchange items with any of them. Is that understood?
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thank you very much for your time and review. I will definetly take this advice to heart.
Comment from candyfink
I have not read the previous chapters. However, I thought it flowed very well and it was easy to read. I liked the fact you gave a little background at the bottom. It is clear you are a great writer.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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I have not read the previous chapters. However, I thought it flowed very well and it was easy to read. I liked the fact you gave a little background at the bottom. It is clear you are a great writer.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thank you very much.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Though a very long narrative, it was compelling. I didn't see any awkward lines of mistakes in grammar. It is very well written. I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but didn't seem to need to to get the gist of this tale.
You have us pulling for Sarah, even though there is evidence that she is a cold blooded killer. Humanity is humanity, after all. I need to go back and find out how she became disabled.
Great story,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Though a very long narrative, it was compelling. I didn't see any awkward lines of mistakes in grammar. It is very well written. I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but didn't seem to need to to get the gist of this tale.
You have us pulling for Sarah, even though there is evidence that she is a cold blooded killer. Humanity is humanity, after all. I need to go back and find out how she became disabled.
Great story,
Rhonda
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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The entire book is up, if you're interested. Thank you for taking the time to read and review.
