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Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Breakfast of Chimpanzees"Shorter stories
12 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What can I say? I think the Boss Kellogg had the right idea of giving Wilson the job of branding milk cows in Alaska! He might do a better job! LOL. Fun story, and you managed to use all the words the contest required. I don't think I could have done it better! Well done. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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What can I say? I think the Boss Kellogg had the right idea of giving Wilson the job of branding milk cows in Alaska! He might do a better job! LOL. Fun story, and you managed to use all the words the contest required. I don't think I could have done it better! Well done. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thank you, Sandra. I?m certain you could have done much better.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Smiles to you author I had un reading how you used the words
breakfast, light, rock, phone, clock about a cereal for
Chimpanzees -- ROCK!
Gert
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Smiles to you author I had un reading how you used the words
breakfast, light, rock, phone, clock about a cereal for
Chimpanzees -- ROCK!
Gert
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Gert, for the excellent review.
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You are welcome.
Gert
Comment from F. Wehr3
I really liked the story, but I found one big spag. Overall, very well done. Please consider the following.
'At a meeting with the president and senior vice president of a cereal company in Battle Creek, Michigan.' This is not a sentence. It is four prepositions linked together.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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I really liked the story, but I found one big spag. Overall, very well done. Please consider the following.
'At a meeting with the president and senior vice president of a cereal company in Battle Creek, Michigan.' This is not a sentence. It is four prepositions linked together.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you. It's not a sentence; it's a heading.
Happy day.
Comment from Leineco
It took a minute... but the darn thing grew on me! It's
ludicrously silly, but the fact that it was unrelentingly
so actually converted it from bad to "so bad it's good"
LOL
Heck, I'm still grinning!
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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It took a minute... but the darn thing grew on me! It's
ludicrously silly, but the fact that it was unrelentingly
so actually converted it from bad to "so bad it's good"
LOL
Heck, I'm still grinning!
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you. I am like the fungi on cheese. Harmless and colorful. Some cut it off and others eat it in desperation. Then there are those who are lactose intolerant.
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hm...I get the humor in this story, but it didn't quite make the mark.
However, I like your writing style. That opening paragraph is not strictly grammatically correct, but it sets the light hearted mood.
Actually, you could add the word 'We're' and still keep it in the moment.
I think if you added more detail with regard to facial expressions and emotions, this fine slap stick style comedy would work better. That's my two cents - take or trash it, LOL. Hugs, Lou
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reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Hm...I get the humor in this story, but it didn't quite make the mark.
However, I like your writing style. That opening paragraph is not strictly grammatically correct, but it sets the light hearted mood.
Actually, you could add the word 'We're' and still keep it in the moment.
I think if you added more detail with regard to facial expressions and emotions, this fine slap stick style comedy would work better. That's my two cents - take or trash it, LOL. Hugs, Lou
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thanks for giving it a look.
Comment from trumby
Bit of a sneaky one there at the end, mate.
Kind of caught me by surprise.
Very well written though , with breakfast cereal added too.
There were no slow spots in the story
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Bit of a sneaky one there at the end, mate.
Kind of caught me by surprise.
Very well written though , with breakfast cereal added too.
There were no slow spots in the story
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you, trumby, for the excellent review.
Comment from chcbeck
A very clever and witty way to using all the words in one piece. You can imagine a board meeting with this taking place. Really enjoyed and happy New year
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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A very clever and witty way to using all the words in one piece. You can imagine a board meeting with this taking place. Really enjoyed and happy New year
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from chasennov
a 142-word story. Breakfast of Chimpanzees.' This is a rather difficult task you have been required to do. Writing a story on words supplied by someone else. But you did a fine job with it and good luck in the contest. Very well done.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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a 142-word story. Breakfast of Chimpanzees.' This is a rather difficult task you have been required to do. Writing a story on words supplied by someone else. But you did a fine job with it and good luck in the contest. Very well done.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
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Thank you for the excellent review.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from writergal614
Very clever! I like this a lot. You kept my attention throughout. I can tell you are probably a witty person at times. Quick on a comeback. Anyway nice job and good luck!
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
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Very clever! I like this a lot. You kept my attention throughout. I can tell you are probably a witty person at times. Quick on a comeback. Anyway nice job and good luck!
Comment Written 30-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
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Thank you, deshonna, for the excellent review.
Comment from Neonewman
Ha! I would buy that cereal and I don't even have a clue as to what it would taste like lol! I had fun reading this whimsically crafted little piece.
God bless!
Steve
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
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Ha! I would buy that cereal and I don't even have a clue as to what it would taste like lol! I had fun reading this whimsically crafted little piece.
God bless!
Steve
Comment Written 30-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Neo, for the excellent review.
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My pleasure!
