2nd Time Around
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Part I, Chapter 2"A fight for life and truth.
11 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
T.,
Very nice addition to your tale. I am really curious about what I've missed. Man - must have been a lot between the last chapter I read and this one! *smile*
Everything here was nice and clear - I'm just waiting to understand what happened.
Notes:
1.) True, the device's simplicity meant it wasn't exactly up-to-date with (every) accessible features
--> obviously it would have all ITS features, right?
2.) He had been with Engine 4 for the past six (s)ome-odd years, ever since his
3.) "We'll be there in about ten minutes," (t)he driver, Doug Ernest Walker,
4.) "We find the defendant guilty, Your Honor," (t)he jury forewoman had stated.
5.) "Miss Griffin," (t)he judge said, "Do you have anything
6.) "I'm sorry," (s)he said.
7.) Andrew was the legal nerd, b(e)aring the physical characteristics of a thin, glasses-wearing geek
8.) And, according to Grace, he had the thickest hair Sarah had ever come across,
--> And, according to Grace, he had really thick hair, though Sarah had never touched
--> it's awkward for Grace to tell Sarah it's the thickest hair SHE'S ever seen/ dealt with.
Thanks - you need to get a better grip on punctuating dialogue since you seem to be making the same mistake repeatedly. Otherwise, this was a super chapter. Thanks!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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T.,
Very nice addition to your tale. I am really curious about what I've missed. Man - must have been a lot between the last chapter I read and this one! *smile*
Everything here was nice and clear - I'm just waiting to understand what happened.
Notes:
1.) True, the device's simplicity meant it wasn't exactly up-to-date with (every) accessible features
--> obviously it would have all ITS features, right?
2.) He had been with Engine 4 for the past six (s)ome-odd years, ever since his
3.) "We'll be there in about ten minutes," (t)he driver, Doug Ernest Walker,
4.) "We find the defendant guilty, Your Honor," (t)he jury forewoman had stated.
5.) "Miss Griffin," (t)he judge said, "Do you have anything
6.) "I'm sorry," (s)he said.
7.) Andrew was the legal nerd, b(e)aring the physical characteristics of a thin, glasses-wearing geek
8.) And, according to Grace, he had the thickest hair Sarah had ever come across,
--> And, according to Grace, he had really thick hair, though Sarah had never touched
--> it's awkward for Grace to tell Sarah it's the thickest hair SHE'S ever seen/ dealt with.
Thanks - you need to get a better grip on punctuating dialogue since you seem to be making the same mistake repeatedly. Otherwise, this was a super chapter. Thanks!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for these points.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I read and find the chapter is an interesting read, the taletelling, the plot and the dialogues are realistic and progressive, nice introduction and curious ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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I read and find the chapter is an interesting read, the taletelling, the plot and the dialogues are realistic and progressive, nice introduction and curious ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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Thank you kindly.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, poor Sara victim of a misunderstanding, and the actual killer is buried with honors next to the victims. I love how you stated the facts and building the story layer by layer.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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Wow, poor Sara victim of a misunderstanding, and the actual killer is buried with honors next to the victims. I love how you stated the facts and building the story layer by layer.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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Thank you kindly.
Comment from aryr
I enjoyed reading this chapter which gave an excellent review of the family members and their dynamics.
It was surprising that Sarah was found guilty, served time and I am guessing survived the proposed death sentence. She also has a great group to assist her as well.
It certainly gives one a lot to think about, the suspense is both annoying and enjoyed. It will be interesting to learn more about Doug's sunglasses (if there is more).
Definitely enjoyable reading.
reply by the author on 24-May-2016
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I enjoyed reading this chapter which gave an excellent review of the family members and their dynamics.
It was surprising that Sarah was found guilty, served time and I am guessing survived the proposed death sentence. She also has a great group to assist her as well.
It certainly gives one a lot to think about, the suspense is both annoying and enjoyed. It will be interesting to learn more about Doug's sunglasses (if there is more).
Definitely enjoyable reading.
Comment Written 24-May-2016
reply by the author on 24-May-2016
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They'll be back. Thank you.
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welcome, I look forward to seeing them again.
Comment from Douglas Paul
I think this is very well done. The story flows smoothly with no interruptions. The writing is clear and concise. Your story line is intrigueing. I would read more
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2016
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I think this is very well done. The story flows smoothly with no interruptions. The writing is clear and concise. Your story line is intrigueing. I would read more
Comment Written 26-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much. Plenty more is up,, if you're interested.
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I will take a look
Comment from DonandVicki
Yes it is obvious that you have cleaned this up a bit and I have been following this well crafted story, very believable characters. Write on.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2016
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Yes it is obvious that you have cleaned this up a bit and I have been following this well crafted story, very believable characters. Write on.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much.
Comment from damommy
Absolutely! Good idea. At first, having read the other version, it took me a minute to "get with it." I like this very much.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Absolutely! Good idea. At first, having read the other version, it took me a minute to "get with it." I like this very much.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Joyce Long
Your story is really developing well and Sarah becomes more interesting all the time. Yes, I certainly want to know what happened in the missed eighteen years. I'll look forward to reading more of your work. This is very well written. Keep up the good work.
Joyce 01-25-16
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
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Your story is really developing well and Sarah becomes more interesting all the time. Yes, I certainly want to know what happened in the missed eighteen years. I'll look forward to reading more of your work. This is very well written. Keep up the good work.
Joyce 01-25-16
Comment Written 25-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
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Thank you for your support. Most chapters are up by now (I should have them all up by the end of the week) in case you're interested.
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I think I can go back and read all the chapters in order. Joyce
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I've promoted a few of them to make it worth your while...I hope.
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I've promoted a few of them to make it worth your while...I hope.
Comment from morgan6062
OMG! I want to read all of this! What happens? How did she get out of prison alive? What happened in the murder? Who did it? I could go on and on! I'm looking about to see if you write anymore about this piece. Thank you. Your characters seem like people I might meet anywhere and I could relate to them, even the unfortunate Sarah. Shirle
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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OMG! I want to read all of this! What happens? How did she get out of prison alive? What happened in the murder? Who did it? I could go on and on! I'm looking about to see if you write anymore about this piece. Thank you. Your characters seem like people I might meet anywhere and I could relate to them, even the unfortunate Sarah. Shirle
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you very much. That's what I've strived for. The prologue and first nine chapters are up with more coming every day. Thanks again..
Comment from Zue65
Oh yes, I am quite lost in the thread of events, but I am definitely interested in what happened in the time gap, so i guess I have to wait for all the succeeding chapters of your story. Thanks for sharing and Happy New Year.
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reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015
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Oh yes, I am quite lost in the thread of events, but I am definitely interested in what happened in the time gap, so i guess I have to wait for all the succeeding chapters of your story. Thanks for sharing and Happy New Year.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015
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Thank you.. The flashbacks make up the majority of the plot, so you will hopefully not be disappointed. You have a Happy New Year as well.
