Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Finding Jessie"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
16 total reviews
Comment from pbroussard209
Awesome chapter, I love the whole witchcraft idea mixed with the werewolves. The chapter was intense and had just enough humor to break the tension. Great job and I wish you the happiest of New Years.
Trish
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
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Awesome chapter, I love the whole witchcraft idea mixed with the werewolves. The chapter was intense and had just enough humor to break the tension. Great job and I wish you the happiest of New Years.
Trish
Comment Written 04-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
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Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A wonderful story that I have kept up with off and on, but I plan to go back and reread some of the chapters I missed. I will be writing reviews on the back chapters. I love the development of characters and the unique story line. It's hard to come up with new things on old fantasy beings, but you have done well with it.
The new book I started, the Daredevil Girls, has a lot of vampires and werewolves in it, but, like you, I tried to take a new angle on them. I would appreciate your input as I love you style.
Thanks,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2016
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A wonderful story that I have kept up with off and on, but I plan to go back and reread some of the chapters I missed. I will be writing reviews on the back chapters. I love the development of characters and the unique story line. It's hard to come up with new things on old fantasy beings, but you have done well with it.
The new book I started, the Daredevil Girls, has a lot of vampires and werewolves in it, but, like you, I tried to take a new angle on them. I would appreciate your input as I love you style.
Thanks,
Rhonda
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2016
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wow, werewolves and vampires, cool. Werewolves and vampire don't get along so I don't have them in this story. But it will be interesting reading them in your. Thank you for reading.
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I have leprechauns as well...several others, both good side and bad. I will go back and reread yours. I did get behind, and though I have been reading, my reviews were spiradic as I had gotten behind. I took a journey into poetry, which I will, for the greatest part, leave behind so I can focus on my, and other peoples' novels.
Comment from michaelcahill
It's been awhile. :))
Wow. You just keep getting better and better. Even though I went back to catch up a bit, it wasn't necessary. I can always jump right in the middle of your stories and get drawn in right away. You make sure that every scene is engaging. I never get lost even when I haven't paid attention for a while. Amazing with the complexity involved.
I can't wait to see this on bookshelves. I don't know how it can be stopped.
Happy New Year! More of the same, I hope. mikey
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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It's been awhile. :))
Wow. You just keep getting better and better. Even though I went back to catch up a bit, it wasn't necessary. I can always jump right in the middle of your stories and get drawn in right away. You make sure that every scene is engaging. I never get lost even when I haven't paid attention for a while. Amazing with the complexity involved.
I can't wait to see this on bookshelves. I don't know how it can be stopped.
Happy New Year! More of the same, I hope. mikey
Comment Written 02-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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Boy! Where have you been. I thought you didn't like my story anymore. LOL! But thank you for this awesome review. Hope you keep reading. Happy New Year!
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Well, I went crazy posting and got so buried with responses and reviews and real world stuff that I couldn't organize a thing. Ha!
I've resolved to post less, read more and TRY and be a worthwhile F.S. citizen. :))
I said the same thing last year, so wish me luck. By the way, I've kept reading, just too busy to let ya know. mikey
Comment from Reedblitzerman
Hi Amahra. I liked your opening. You got straight to the dialogue without preamble. A small quibble, you mentioned your protagonist was going to cast a spell, right after that you showed her doing it (and made it interesting and eye catching). Your showing was better than your telling. I do the same thing. But you could keep me in suspense by just having her do it, and me being curious what I was seeing. You've got a lot of backstory which is great. I'll be looking out for the rest.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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Hi Amahra. I liked your opening. You got straight to the dialogue without preamble. A small quibble, you mentioned your protagonist was going to cast a spell, right after that you showed her doing it (and made it interesting and eye catching). Your showing was better than your telling. I do the same thing. But you could keep me in suspense by just having her do it, and me being curious what I was seeing. You've got a lot of backstory which is great. I'll be looking out for the rest.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Reed. I'm so glade you enjoyed it and liked my opening dialogue.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Good job with the synopsis. Well written and informative bringing the story up to date for readers.
"Hand me your hand," - perhaps give me your hand here as the repetition feels awkward.
The description of Jewel during incantation and the snake finder were well drawn.
Good chapter
GMG
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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Hi there,
Good job with the synopsis. Well written and informative bringing the story up to date for readers.
"Hand me your hand," - perhaps give me your hand here as the repetition feels awkward.
The description of Jewel during incantation and the snake finder were well drawn.
Good chapter
GMG
Comment Written 02-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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Thank you for review and for the suggestion.
Comment from Neonewman
Excellent imagery, great characterization. I especially love the detail of the spell that has been cast. Very well crafted chapter my friend. I am working too much and am a little behind at the moment.
God bless!
STeve
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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Excellent imagery, great characterization. I especially love the detail of the spell that has been cast. Very well crafted chapter my friend. I am working too much and am a little behind at the moment.
God bless!
STeve
Comment Written 02-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Steve.
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My pleasure!
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My pleasure!
Comment from mbagby23
I have gotten behind on my reviewing. But, giving a recap and listing the characters helps a whole lot. It gives me a feel on what is going on. I also like the way you change colors in the words. As if one is turning pages.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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I have gotten behind on my reviewing. But, giving a recap and listing the characters helps a whole lot. It gives me a feel on what is going on. I also like the way you change colors in the words. As if one is turning pages.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
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Thank you so much mbagby23. Changing colors in the words...hmm. Never heard that before, another thank you.
Comment from F. Wehr3
Really nice work. I had no trouble following the story. I loved the description of the serpent. Please consider the following.
'"No. Just my pride," he said pulling the small buddle from beneath his coat.' Simple typo: bundle.
'Jewel sat at the head of the table and Ward sat at her left.' Two complete sentences use comma before and.
'Ward looked up at her and his face appeared to brighten.' Same as above.
Great work! Happy New Year!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Really nice work. I had no trouble following the story. I loved the description of the serpent. Please consider the following.
'"No. Just my pride," he said pulling the small buddle from beneath his coat.' Simple typo: bundle.
'Jewel sat at the head of the table and Ward sat at her left.' Two complete sentences use comma before and.
'Ward looked up at her and his face appeared to brighten.' Same as above.
Great work! Happy New Year!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you, you're so right. Will make corrections. Love having you as a steady reviewer. Bless you, Happy New Year.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Very interesting chapter to read. I particularly liked how you wrote the effects of the spell cast by Jewel. I did n't see any problems. You did a great job. Happy New Year. Shirley
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Very interesting chapter to read. I particularly liked how you wrote the effects of the spell cast by Jewel. I did n't see any problems. You did a great job. Happy New Year. Shirley
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Thank you, Shirley, and a Happy New Year to you.
Comment from Jay Squires
has to find Jessie before the police does [Police is plural: before the police DO.]
After Jewel had finished repeating the words, [Would suggest you change Jewel here to "she" Personal pronouns are almost invisible to the reader if not over used in the same type of sentence (such as three or four declarative sentences in a row using "she", but it's based more on the type of sentence not the personal pronoun. ]
The blue smoke formed into a tiny multi-colored serpent and crawled out of the bowl. [The way you have this written, it's the "blue smoke" that's crawling out of the bowl, not the serpent. Instead of the "and" after "serpent" you could use "who" or "that"]
Ward's smile nearly took up both sides of his face. [Good image.]
Ama, when I finished my review I intended to tell you how I've enjoyed your novel all last year and that this chapter was taking it in a good direction. Unfortunately, I got sidetracked and sent it without telling you. So it may have sounded curt. Sorry about that.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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has to find Jessie before the police does [Police is plural: before the police DO.]
After Jewel had finished repeating the words, [Would suggest you change Jewel here to "she" Personal pronouns are almost invisible to the reader if not over used in the same type of sentence (such as three or four declarative sentences in a row using "she", but it's based more on the type of sentence not the personal pronoun. ]
The blue smoke formed into a tiny multi-colored serpent and crawled out of the bowl. [The way you have this written, it's the "blue smoke" that's crawling out of the bowl, not the serpent. Instead of the "and" after "serpent" you could use "who" or "that"]
Ward's smile nearly took up both sides of his face. [Good image.]
Ama, when I finished my review I intended to tell you how I've enjoyed your novel all last year and that this chapter was taking it in a good direction. Unfortunately, I got sidetracked and sent it without telling you. So it may have sounded curt. Sorry about that.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Happy New Year, Jay. Thank you, I'll take care of those corrections. And I'm pleased that you have enjoyed the novel. I'm sorry I had to neglect it, but I was working with a promoter of my first book and an editor of my next book. I've actually lost half of my fans of this book. But I'm glad you, and Masters and a few others have stuck with it. Bless you, Jay.
