When Blood Collides
Viewing comments for Chapter 67 "Sisters Out of Sync, Part I"A family's love is tested.
22 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
I understand the importance of narrative but it isn't always necessary. I find it fascinating the differences between sisters. Mine and I don't get along at all. There is tremendous sibling rivalry between all of us.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2016
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I understand the importance of narrative but it isn't always necessary. I find it fascinating the differences between sisters. Mine and I don't get along at all. There is tremendous sibling rivalry between all of us.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2016
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I know. I bought and read your Dandelion book. You led such an interesting life.
Comment from alexisleech
The story of your sister's rivalry reminds me of my brother, so I can understand. Like you and your sister, we fell out in later life, but it wasn't until I was in my teens that I realised how much he looked down on me. Whatever your differences, it must still have been hard news to swallow.
No problem for me with the lack of dialogue - sometimes it's not necessary!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2015
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The story of your sister's rivalry reminds me of my brother, so I can understand. Like you and your sister, we fell out in later life, but it wasn't until I was in my teens that I realised how much he looked down on me. Whatever your differences, it must still have been hard news to swallow.
No problem for me with the lack of dialogue - sometimes it's not necessary!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 25-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2015
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Thanks, Alexis. You're right. It's still hard to believe she's not here anymore.
Comment from boxergirl
Good job with the reflective details from your childhood experiences with your sister. it is amazing how we are affected by details that happened when we were younger. I think this worked well without the dialogue.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Good job with the reflective details from your childhood experiences with your sister. it is amazing how we are affected by details that happened when we were younger. I think this worked well without the dialogue.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Thanks, BG. Appreciate the input.
Comment from Muffins
Yes, this kept me interested without any dialogue. Your writing is expressive. The places, the emotions and happenings are described with a detailed pen. I enjoyed reading this chapter. It's just as good as the others.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Yes, this kept me interested without any dialogue. Your writing is expressive. The places, the emotions and happenings are described with a detailed pen. I enjoyed reading this chapter. It's just as good as the others.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Thanks, Muffins, for the reassurance. :-)
Comment from robyn corum
1.) I saved my dollars to buy big items (like) a drawing kit.
2.) We both planned to teach high school English(period?) Mom wanted Barbara to go to Syracuse University.
Wow. I wasn't expecting that ending there! It seemed more like she idolized you! Anxious for the next part!
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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1.) I saved my dollars to buy big items (like) a drawing kit.
2.) We both planned to teach high school English(period?) Mom wanted Barbara to go to Syracuse University.
Wow. I wasn't expecting that ending there! It seemed more like she idolized you! Anxious for the next part!
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Younger sister do that. But popularity changed her. She fit in with the clique, something that would never happen to me.
Fixed the spags.
I miss the Benders! Where are they?
Comment from Louise Michelle
Your relationship reminds me of me and my sister with regard to money. I was the saver.
Yes, this kept my interest, because of your candor and the fact that there was sibling rivalry with my sister and me. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Your relationship reminds me of me and my sister with regard to money. I was the saver.
Yes, this kept my interest, because of your candor and the fact that there was sibling rivalry with my sister and me. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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We have a lot in common! Good thing we aren't sisters or we'd have to disagree. :-)
Comment from Donya Quijote
This is an emotional chapter for you, the emotions are still raw. If I remember right you and your sister really weren't on good speaking terms at this time. I could have that confused those with other events. But where your sister is concerned and what you reveal show the hurt is still there. One thing is tone, the other is that I tend to find more things to suggest to you. Hope you don't mind. I know your writing skill and knowledge are far superior to mine. Raw emotions influence our typing and our thoughts.
I like this descriptor: Huge hiccups of sorrow for my honey-haired younger sister.... nice bit of alliteration too. Very graphic. I can see and hear you sobbing away at the news.
Betty Grable vs. Esther Williams. Hmmmm. Betty Grable, I know the name, she was a pinup girl during the war but I can't name a film she was in. Esther Williams, what a set of lungs she had. I've seen some of her pics. Synchronized swimming has always amazed me. Love those underwater shots. The excuses for getting her into the pool got old though.... My choice would be Esther Williams, far more interesting.
By now, we had discovered boys. And boys had discovered Barb. >>>> I think this sequence would work better and have more impact if put together as one compound sentence, like so: By now, we had discovered boys, and (the) boys had discovered Barb. I added the article because it sounded better.
Dad would send each a couple of dollars when he had it to spare. >>>leaving the sentence with just each here makes it sound really odd, as if there is something missing.
It was hush-hush and pledges to secrecy. >>>> This sentence is missing some verbiage. Maybe "and the pledges took a vow of secrecy" Not the best idea I ever had and it is still awkward in my opinion, but I know you will smooth it out.
Have a happy holiday if I don't drop in again before turkey day.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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This is an emotional chapter for you, the emotions are still raw. If I remember right you and your sister really weren't on good speaking terms at this time. I could have that confused those with other events. But where your sister is concerned and what you reveal show the hurt is still there. One thing is tone, the other is that I tend to find more things to suggest to you. Hope you don't mind. I know your writing skill and knowledge are far superior to mine. Raw emotions influence our typing and our thoughts.
I like this descriptor: Huge hiccups of sorrow for my honey-haired younger sister.... nice bit of alliteration too. Very graphic. I can see and hear you sobbing away at the news.
Betty Grable vs. Esther Williams. Hmmmm. Betty Grable, I know the name, she was a pinup girl during the war but I can't name a film she was in. Esther Williams, what a set of lungs she had. I've seen some of her pics. Synchronized swimming has always amazed me. Love those underwater shots. The excuses for getting her into the pool got old though.... My choice would be Esther Williams, far more interesting.
By now, we had discovered boys. And boys had discovered Barb. >>>> I think this sequence would work better and have more impact if put together as one compound sentence, like so: By now, we had discovered boys, and (the) boys had discovered Barb. I added the article because it sounded better.
Dad would send each
It was hush-hush and pledges to secrecy. >>>> This sentence is missing some verbiage. Maybe "and the pledges took a vow of secrecy" Not the best idea I ever had and it is still awkward in my opinion, but I know you will smooth it out.
Have a happy holiday if I don't drop in again before turkey day.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Thanks so much for the suggestions. As usual, you are right. It was my sister's choice to treat me like a second rate citizen. I didn't have any power or influence and not much of a love life. Yes, in retrospect, it did hurt at the time.
Happy Thanksgiving in your new house.
Comment from abbasjoy
I enjoyed this post, because it filled in background information which I imagine you thought important for your readers to know. It was written as though you were speaking directly to the reader, and was very easy to follow.
You were so different but because Barb was so popular, it surprises me that she was even slightly jealous of you.
Looking forward to hearing how she responded to the diagnosis.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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I enjoyed this post, because it filled in background information which I imagine you thought important for your readers to know. It was written as though you were speaking directly to the reader, and was very easy to follow.
You were so different but because Barb was so popular, it surprises me that she was even slightly jealous of you.
Looking forward to hearing how she responded to the diagnosis.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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Thanks, abbasjoy. I never could understand her jealousy. She had it all in the beginning.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
It seems that there was just the two of you children.
It is strange that the gifted one (it seems in every respect) is the one who is jealous for no real reason.
For all of that the shock of her imminent death must have left a huge gap in your life.
Yes, it is rather more telling than showing and a lot of it could have been told through speech, but the story flowed well for all of that.
warmly,
Juliette
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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It seems that there was just the two of you children.
It is strange that the gifted one (it seems in every respect) is the one who is jealous for no real reason.
For all of that the shock of her imminent death must have left a huge gap in your life.
Yes, it is rather more telling than showing and a lot of it could have been told through speech, but the story flowed well for all of that.
warmly,
Juliette
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Juliette, for tuning in. The next chapter will explain how our lives moved in increasingly different directions. It took the warning of death for her to decide to let me into her life again. Hopefully, I'll get more dialogue into part 2.
Comment from w.j.debi
Great back story. Your narrative is interesting. No worries there, Shari. It still has that conversational tone of yours that is so engaging, like you are telling the story to a friend over coffee. It draws the reader in and keeps him/her reading.
With the rivalry your sister felt, it is surprising she would choose to go to the same college when she could have made her mark elsewhere. Maybe she just wasn't ready to fly on her own without your support, much as she would probably hate to admit it.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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Great back story. Your narrative is interesting. No worries there, Shari. It still has that conversational tone of yours that is so engaging, like you are telling the story to a friend over coffee. It draws the reader in and keeps him/her reading.
With the rivalry your sister felt, it is surprising she would choose to go to the same college when she could have made her mark elsewhere. Maybe she just wasn't ready to fly on her own without your support, much as she would probably hate to admit it.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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She visited me at college my freshmen year and I set her up with a handsome guy, the roommate of my steady at the time. (Yes! I finally dated.) That influenced her decision. I wonder what would have happened had she chosen the more prestigious college.
Thanks ever so much for the sixer, my friend.
