Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Sweet Sister Lilith the Pure"A collection of sonnets
18 total reviews
Comment from reconciled
now this is horror...i most certainly can relate too.....my sister...DeeDEE....-shiver-...oohhooho...ssshhhh she might hear. God man I hope you're okay...try...try to escape...do...do what you have to survive....love Michael
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now this is horror...i most certainly can relate too.....my sister...DeeDEE....-shiver-...oohhooho...ssshhhh she might hear. God man I hope you're okay...try...try to escape...do...do what you have to survive....love Michael
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
Comment from mfowler
Lilleth sounds like quite a sibling. I think this was very well constructed as it only becomes apparent that this battle of the siblings takes place in the mind of madness which relates the story. Your language is suitably intimidating and all elements of the sonnet construction are solid. A fine entry, Mikey and I would expect you to poll well.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
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Lilleth sounds like quite a sibling. I think this was very well constructed as it only becomes apparent that this battle of the siblings takes place in the mind of madness which relates the story. Your language is suitably intimidating and all elements of the sonnet construction are solid. A fine entry, Mikey and I would expect you to poll well.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
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Yes, right on the money. I'm pleased you enjoyed this. It seems it's been a while since I've been horrific ... well written in the horror genre. :))
Took a little while to get suitably creepy. Ha! Some great entries so I'm not eating my fingers. mikey
Comment from Domino 2
I kept checking your reservation, Mikey, but see you've been sensible enough to be patient and not post/promote til deadline.
'annoyed and cross' - 'cross' seems 'redundant' as it means the same thing as 'annoyed', so maybe consider a different word for more imagery.
I've never heard a woman called a 'jerk', but I don't know why as they can be just as 'jerkish' as us blokes, so sock it to her! ;-)
Excellent entry.
Good luck and best wishes, ray.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
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I kept checking your reservation, Mikey, but see you've been sensible enough to be patient and not post/promote til deadline.
'annoyed and cross' - 'cross' seems 'redundant' as it means the same thing as 'annoyed', so maybe consider a different word for more imagery.
I've never heard a woman called a 'jerk', but I don't know why as they can be just as 'jerkish' as us blokes, so sock it to her! ;-)
Excellent entry.
Good luck and best wishes, ray.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
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I got bogged down in the third stanza and rewrote it about five hundred times. :))
Hmm. Yeah, you have me wondering about annoyed and cross now. I'll look at it. He's the jerk, I didn't think it was clear enough. He's talking about himself in that line. Some awesome entries including yours. I'm in over my head this time, but it was fun bragging anyway!!! mikey
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Thanks for the great fun and modest reply, Mikey
Ray
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wow! This is as creeepy as they get! Did his little sister really say and do all those things, or was he just crazy and imagining it? I think she may have made him lose his mind with her nightly visits, whether physical or mental torture or both. In either case, this is a great bit of horror! Well done! :)
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Wow! This is as creeepy as they get! Did his little sister really say and do all those things, or was he just crazy and imagining it? I think she may have made him lose his mind with her nightly visits, whether physical or mental torture or both. In either case, this is a great bit of horror! Well done! :)
Comment Written 05-Dec-2015
Comment from nancy_e_davis
They might be coming to take a bunch of you away but not before the contest id judged we hope. Another great entry Mike, great presetation and story. Well done! Good luck in the contest. It will be a tough choice. LOL Nancy
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They might be coming to take a bunch of you away but not before the contest id judged we hope. Another great entry Mike, great presetation and story. Well done! Good luck in the contest. It will be a tough choice. LOL Nancy
Comment Written 05-Dec-2015
Comment from Phoenix8
Excellent. This poem was twisted and had fear rising within me. I am left wondering the reason the sibling was left in the asylum. Did he finally break? Tried to kill her?
The video was a magnificent touch.
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Excellent. This poem was twisted and had fear rising within me. I am left wondering the reason the sibling was left in the asylum. Did he finally break? Tried to kill her?
The video was a magnificent touch.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2015
Comment from Dawn Munro
Yikes! This is just too close to real for comfort (and simply wonderful)! I thought there's no way I could write for this one (although I do love good horror), but your sonnet might just have done the trick - fabulous, Mikey!
(BTW - your choice of video - been a favourite chorus of mine as long as I can remember - LOL!!!)
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Yikes! This is just too close to real for comfort (and simply wonderful)! I thought there's no way I could write for this one (although I do love good horror), but your sonnet might just have done the trick - fabulous, Mikey!
(BTW - your choice of video - been a favourite chorus of mine as long as I can remember - LOL!!!)
Comment Written 05-Dec-2015
Comment from doggymad
This was a spooky offering for sure. Between you and Mr Kuch I find myself reluctant to sleep at night.
Loved the idea of such an innocent darling messing with the brain. Beware the smile that hide the evil.
hugs
Freda
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This was a spooky offering for sure. Between you and Mr Kuch I find myself reluctant to sleep at night.
Loved the idea of such an innocent darling messing with the brain. Beware the smile that hide the evil.
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 05-Dec-2015
Comment from BOO ghost
Listening to the video, hilarious! really nice presentation, Mikey. hahahha, they coming to take me away! think this tune may stick to my mind, the funny farm, he he. Nice words and presentation. To the funny farm! hahha! BOO
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Listening to the video, hilarious! really nice presentation, Mikey. hahahha, they coming to take me away! think this tune may stick to my mind, the funny farm, he he. Nice words and presentation. To the funny farm! hahha! BOO
Comment Written 05-Dec-2015
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I know those lyrics by heart and they are still as erie as they were years ago.
Loved the piece as yes he is udderly mad.
You know I love your writings don't you? and you know im udderly mad, don't you? hahahahahaha
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I know those lyrics by heart and they are still as erie as they were years ago.
Loved the piece as yes he is udderly mad.
You know I love your writings don't you? and you know im udderly mad, don't you? hahahahahaha
Comment Written 05-Dec-2015
