Shifting Shadows. Poems of Darkness
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Who Done It, The Sequel"A collection of dark poetry
32 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
This is a tongue twister. That and the meter makes this a ponderous read. Great for a horror story or poem. Sounds like relatives gathered for the reading of a will!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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This is a tongue twister. That and the meter makes this a ponderous read. Great for a horror story or poem. Sounds like relatives gathered for the reading of a will!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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LOLOL, yes, I suppose it does, doesn't it? LOL
Thanks Shari,
that made me laugh
Cat
Comment from rama devi
How imaginative and musically delightful too! great entry for the contest. Superb to read aloud. Great flow and resonances of sound--like tongue candy, dear!
Fantastic opening descriptive setting the tone and scene (with 'g'reat alliteration of G):
Gaslight conspiracy perched upon ebony limbs
mutinous in numbers
the grackle goes grim
Good continued description (with auditory aspect included) and fine alliteration of S (note one optional suggestion):
In the mist of dawn, crows caw out appeals(,)
setting wings in motion; sequester
sinister deals
Fine alliteration plus consonance of C:
Raven, grackle, and crow are all called to order;
counted in categories...
noted by the recorder
Well voiced with fine alliteration of D and G:
A murmur arises, disintegrating decorum
as news grips the group--
Fine resonance between C and Q here..making even this one line musical:
Crows satisfy their quorum!
Clever and amusing closing, with fine alliteration of F and A and M:
Adding to the fervor in this filibuster breeze...
an austere moment
amongst Murderous Trustees!
I love the creative rhymes and slant rhymes (all well-timed), especially
limbs/grim
and
decorum/quorum!
(which almost rhyme with I and U sounds presenting as similar cousins)
and how breeze/Trustees! echoes the previous stanza's categories
The combined musicality and imaginative creativity plus the fantastic RHYMING make this six star worthy as an entry for the contest.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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How imaginative and musically delightful too! great entry for the contest. Superb to read aloud. Great flow and resonances of sound--like tongue candy, dear!
Fantastic opening descriptive setting the tone and scene (with 'g'reat alliteration of G):
Gaslight conspiracy perched upon ebony limbs
mutinous in numbers
the grackle goes grim
Good continued description (with auditory aspect included) and fine alliteration of S (note one optional suggestion):
In the mist of dawn, crows caw out appeals(,)
setting wings in motion; sequester
sinister deals
Fine alliteration plus consonance of C:
Raven, grackle, and crow are all called to order;
counted in categories...
noted by the recorder
Well voiced with fine alliteration of D and G:
A murmur arises, disintegrating decorum
as news grips the group--
Fine resonance between C and Q here..making even this one line musical:
Crows satisfy their quorum!
Clever and amusing closing, with fine alliteration of F and A and M:
Adding to the fervor in this filibuster breeze...
an austere moment
amongst Murderous Trustees!
I love the creative rhymes and slant rhymes (all well-timed), especially
limbs/grim
and
decorum/quorum!
(which almost rhyme with I and U sounds presenting as similar cousins)
and how breeze/Trustees! echoes the previous stanza's categories
The combined musicality and imaginative creativity plus the fantastic RHYMING make this six star worthy as an entry for the contest.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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WHAT?????
TWO?
Quick... what did I do?
Did I enter the Twilight Zone? What? Whatever I did, I want to do it again!
Is it the Bear suit I'm wearing? Is it?
Because I can keep wearing it... really...
Wow...
ONE comma? Really?
Ok, go ahead... tell me... let me guess... I'm going to be hit by a bus sometime this week and you want to make it easier on me?
You want me to die happy?
Ok, it's working... I"m going to die happy.
wait...
well, I was going to say three's charm... but I"m NOT going to push it! LOLOL
wow... really THANKS Rama... You're awesome... :) It's been a hard day and you're just awesome. ;)
thanks honey.
Snoopy does the Happy Dance for you. ;)
Mwah!
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Hee hee--I love your enthusiastic response(s) dear. Hope you keep writing six-level pieces so I can keep seeing such dancing doggies and such joyful exuberance from you! I enjoyed your witty response...and am proud of your progress too! :)
Love,
rd
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PS
The dancing bear is cute too!
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Aw, thanks Rama, it means so much coming from you, it truly does. I hope to continue to get better and better as well. ;)
After all, that's the point, isn't it? ;)
mwah!
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Yep! ;-))))
Mwah!
Comment from Leineco
So the senat... er crows and their cousins
called for a secret straw cawcus
black-ops
insurrection
a coterie of ravens
give birth to a junta faction
bent
on murderous action
the bare naked limbs
and the moonlight
gaslit by the ploy
shiver in the breeze
stripped of their veto power
and subject to
strict point of order.
;-)
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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So the senat... er crows and their cousins
called for a secret straw cawcus
black-ops
insurrection
a coterie of ravens
give birth to a junta faction
bent
on murderous action
the bare naked limbs
and the moonlight
gaslit by the ploy
shiver in the breeze
stripped of their veto power
and subject to
strict point of order.
;-)
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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the bare naked limbs
and the moonlight
gaslit by the ploy
shiver in the breeze
yummy... ;)
mwah! thanks MPPS... you rock!
Cat
Comment from ciliverde
My husband says " that poet is good! Playful and fun, and really smart" :)
No kidding! This is wonderfully clever, slightly sinister, deliciously dark. I can just see them sitting together, flapping dark wings and squawking away (filibustering).
Perfect addition to the book, Cat :)
Carol
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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My husband says " that poet is good! Playful and fun, and really smart" :)
No kidding! This is wonderfully clever, slightly sinister, deliciously dark. I can just see them sitting together, flapping dark wings and squawking away (filibustering).
Perfect addition to the book, Cat :)
Carol
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Aw, Thank your husband for me. That was really sweet. ;)
(((((hugs to both of you)))))
(shhh don't tell too many people about the brains part... i"m keeping that a secret... but not very well. ;)
ok, so maybe I'm not. LOL
Thanks Carol, I'm very grateful to you both :)
Cat
Comment from Sis Cat
Yes, this is certainly a conspiracy of a murder of crows. I love your play on words and the sound of them. "Grackle goes grim." Your poem provides pleasure to my ear and my imagination. It is fun and creative. I am glad you added this poem to Dean's collection. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Yes, this is certainly a conspiracy of a murder of crows. I love your play on words and the sound of them. "Grackle goes grim." Your poem provides pleasure to my ear and my imagination. It is fun and creative. I am glad you added this poem to Dean's collection. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thanks Andre, me too! i'm pleased you enjoyed this... It was fun to write. ;)
Cat
Comment from c_lucas
Are you sure Dean is innocence of all charges? You have to wonder about a guy that wants to pick on the innocent crows. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Are you sure Dean is innocence of all charges? You have to wonder about a guy that wants to pick on the innocent crows. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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LOL, To tell you the truth Charlie, i"m not sure of anything around here. LOL
;)
Thanks hon.... I"ll keep an eye on him, that's for sure!
CAt
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You're welcome, Cat. Charlie
Comment from Irish Goat
Nice use of Murderous trustees as a crow/raven grouping. I noticed you used the grackle. Are you from Texas? Here in San Antonio, the skies go black will grackles. Great rhyme, meter and flow. Well done
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Nice use of Murderous trustees as a crow/raven grouping. I noticed you used the grackle. Are you from Texas? Here in San Antonio, the skies go black will grackles. Great rhyme, meter and flow. Well done
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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lol, I am actually living in Texas, (two years ago moved from San Antonio, where I lived for the last eighteen years) ;)
My daughter still lives there. I just returned from there on Saturday. ;) Someone earlier had said I taught them a new word with grackle, and I was thinking... "you don't have grackles?" ;)
Nice to know you're from one of my favorite places. ;)
I wasn't born in Texas, but it seems I might die here. LOL
I've been in Texas since 1991. LOL I've been 'trying' (without much real energy expended) to get out ever since... ) I think I like the people too much to leave. But each summer comes around and I think... Why am I still here? Oh yeah, and each time Cedar Fever hits me (which is all the friggin time) ;) I've sneezed all day today.. not sure why? ;)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ya know, Cat, Bill (Unspoken) said in his review that I should consider myself lucky to have such an excellent... piece. If I were you, and if that comment were taken slightly out of context, I might've taken offense at that, heh-heh.
I'm only joking, of course...
He's right about one thing, however. We--all of us who have graciously contributed our own work to what is now "our" book tiled Shifting Shadows: A Collection of Dark Poetry--are very fortunate to have such a stunning contribution included in the chapters of its hallowed pages.
Gackles are more related to Myna birds than ravens, but it still works to great effect here. And while both fowl are similar in appearance, Myna or mynah birds are passerines from the passeriformes family, and are related to starlings.
Crows and ravens are corvids - members of the corvidae family.
Though they are from different families, they do have something in common. Mynahs, starlings, crows, and ravens are all capable of imitating sounds and speech like parrots.
Great work, very eerie and ethereal. Excellent presentation, too.
You know how big I am on presentations...
Thanks for the fantastic contribution, Cat. I deeply appreciate it.
With gratitude and respect
~Dean ;}
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Ya know, Cat, Bill (Unspoken) said in his review that I should consider myself lucky to have such an excellent... piece. If I were you, and if that comment were taken slightly out of context, I might've taken offense at that, heh-heh.
I'm only joking, of course...
He's right about one thing, however. We--all of us who have graciously contributed our own work to what is now "our" book tiled Shifting Shadows: A Collection of Dark Poetry--are very fortunate to have such a stunning contribution included in the chapters of its hallowed pages.
Gackles are more related to Myna birds than ravens, but it still works to great effect here. And while both fowl are similar in appearance, Myna or mynah birds are passerines from the passeriformes family, and are related to starlings.
Crows and ravens are corvids - members of the corvidae family.
Though they are from different families, they do have something in common. Mynahs, starlings, crows, and ravens are all capable of imitating sounds and speech like parrots.
Great work, very eerie and ethereal. Excellent presentation, too.
You know how big I am on presentations...
Thanks for the fantastic contribution, Cat. I deeply appreciate it.
With gratitude and respect
~Dean ;}
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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You know, I thought the EXACT same thing when Bill said that, Dean... but I let it pass by... (unlike someone I know) LOLOL
But I'm glad I wasn't the ONLY one who caught that. ;) Now he will be wishing he could amend his statement. ;) LOL
Yes, I know about the differences in the birds, but it was with the 'parroting' or the 'mimicking' habits of all of these birds to which I had hoped the references would be made, not the least of which, also their colors are similar... ;)
I had hoped that the reader would infer that all the black birds showed up but there would have to be at least a quorum of three or more for it to be called an actual MURDER this time! bwahahahahah... (ok, the BWAHAHAHA was added for effects) ;)
I do hope you enjoyed it. I definitely wish I had been able to put the first one in as well, as they do make a lovely pairing. ;)
Thanks for allowing me to join the fun... I tried to keep my chapter in order with the last recognizable chapter number, though I do see a couple that were made without changing the numbers... you might want to check that.
It's an awesome project, Dean!
Thanks so much...
Signed,
'The piece of which you must be proud'
Cat ;)
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Hahahaha...you're more than welcome, Cat.
M-e-e-e-O-w-w-w...!!!
~Dean ;}
Comment from Jay Squires
Well, well, well, Cat, you are sure showing your versatility here. I don't know why I should expect any different, but this is very well done, dark, mysterious, and educational (you taught me a new word with grackle).
Great job, Cat.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Well, well, well, Cat, you are sure showing your versatility here. I don't know why I should expect any different, but this is very well done, dark, mysterious, and educational (you taught me a new word with grackle).
Great job, Cat.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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I was just talking to Irish Goat about the grackle, Jay... Seems it might be a Texas thing. ;) We have plenty of Grackles about! They darken the skies quite often around here. ;)
Thanks Jay... always a pleasure
Cat
Comment from Cletus Hardiman
A good write, my friend. Just keep them coming. And, I will keep giving you good reviews! Thanks for the write, and thanks for being my friend. Clete
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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A good write, my friend. Just keep them coming. And, I will keep giving you good reviews! Thanks for the write, and thanks for being my friend. Clete
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thanks Clete, I appreciate it
Cat
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You are welcome........... Clete
