Lonely Room
The thoughts of some-one left behind20 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
Written pricipally in iambic tetrameter, these three quatrains of four rhyming lines each tell the story that inspired this poem. The poignancy is sharpened in this case by two lines, the last of the second stanza and the penultimate of the last stanza, that at are trochaic in form. The slightly different rhythm points the importance of these two lines.
A useful device in the conmstruction of an otherwise regularly presented poem.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Written pricipally in iambic tetrameter, these three quatrains of four rhyming lines each tell the story that inspired this poem. The poignancy is sharpened in this case by two lines, the last of the second stanza and the penultimate of the last stanza, that at are trochaic in form. The slightly different rhythm points the importance of these two lines.
A useful device in the conmstruction of an otherwise regularly presented poem.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Dear Friend, thank you for your analysis of my poem. I am unable to "write to order" and so the meter just has to form itself. I always "know" when it feels right. Now that you have pointed them out, I have looked again at those two lines and see what you mean. It is surprising what another person's point of view can show . thanks again cheers Cass
Comment from LanceHill
This was a touching tribute. We need to remember not only our veterans but also their families. So many sacrifices made for each of us. Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest. God bless.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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This was a touching tribute. We need to remember not only our veterans but also their families. So many sacrifices made for each of us. Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest. God bless.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Thank you for your review and the five stars. Yes, war has many facets, all of them tragic. All of them fruitless . thanks for your good wishes in the contest God bless you too cheers Cass
Comment from patcelaw
Many families have had this experience. This tragedy of war. Killing for what, control, land, anger. it all seems so senseless. Oh, to have peace on this earth would be a blessing, but until Jesus returns to rule and reign, there will be wars and rumors of wars, Jesus said many years agO. Patricia
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Many families have had this experience. This tragedy of war. Killing for what, control, land, anger. it all seems so senseless. Oh, to have peace on this earth would be a blessing, but until Jesus returns to rule and reign, there will be wars and rumors of wars, Jesus said many years agO. Patricia
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Dear Patricia, thank you for your review and the five stars. Yes, how we long for peace and harmony to stretch over this weary world of ours, Mothers weep and children die. May He return to live and rule forever Amen. Cheers Cass
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
A very powerful poem about the death of a soldier, and the way his parents decided to honor him by not touching his room. The room is personalized and given life in the face of death... everything so sombre and gloomy. Good job!
Gypsy
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Hello :)
A very powerful poem about the death of a soldier, and the way his parents decided to honor him by not touching his room. The room is personalized and given life in the face of death... everything so sombre and gloomy. Good job!
Gypsy
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Dear Gypsy, thank you for your review .and the five stars. It is a sad poem about something that actually did happen. the room was untouched until they left that house decades later. As you say , a fitting tribute to a fallen soldier and a dearly loved son.RIP
Thanks again Cass
Comment from MacMhuirich
This is a poignant read, the rhyme and flow are wonderful but the content is so heart breaking, no doubt it will be the same for many families but it's so sad to read. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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This is a poignant read, the rhyme and flow are wonderful but the content is so heart breaking, no doubt it will be the same for many families but it's so sad to read. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Dear John, Thank you for your review and the five stars.. this poem has had a surprising response from FS readers, in that so may see the tragedy of a distant war impacting on the families left behind. Thanks for your best wishes for the contest cheers Cass
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mystery Poet
A lovely tribute to a son lost. Even if not our own children, everyone is affected by this kind of death. So sad we still have to fight wars, so brave we have young men and women prepared to stand up and fight for us, even at the risk of losing their lives. A poem for one such young man, his family in dreadful grief ... the pain never goes away. This is their way of handling it. Your poem also reflects the loss of many others. An excellent, though heartbreaking story told in your successful quatrains. I've enjoyed your rhyme and meter, so well done. In particular your phrasing is outstanding. Soft and so gentle in each verse yet so powerful in evoking strong emotions, especially the last verse, despite being so poignant, it is also beautifully phrased. This young man's parents would surely feel all you've written. An excellent entry for the contest. I wish you the best of luck. Warmest regards - Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Hi Mystery Poet
A lovely tribute to a son lost. Even if not our own children, everyone is affected by this kind of death. So sad we still have to fight wars, so brave we have young men and women prepared to stand up and fight for us, even at the risk of losing their lives. A poem for one such young man, his family in dreadful grief ... the pain never goes away. This is their way of handling it. Your poem also reflects the loss of many others. An excellent, though heartbreaking story told in your successful quatrains. I've enjoyed your rhyme and meter, so well done. In particular your phrasing is outstanding. Soft and so gentle in each verse yet so powerful in evoking strong emotions, especially the last verse, despite being so poignant, it is also beautifully phrased. This young man's parents would surely feel all you've written. An excellent entry for the contest. I wish you the best of luck. Warmest regards - Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Dear Lovinia. ,Thank you for your review and the five stars. I have received several complimentary reviews for this piece, but yours is so heartening and encouraging, I feel warmed and assured of a modicum of talent. I never knew the family of this poem personally, although I knew of them. I saw a photo of the young man's mother in old age and her face was still a mask of sorrow. Thanks for your kind wishes in the contest cheers Cass
Comment from Serendipity!
This is a lovely poem, reads like it was written by an experienced poet and belongs in a book of famous poetry. So much for the rhythm and rhyme: it the poignant words that really stir the heart.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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This is a lovely poem, reads like it was written by an experienced poet and belongs in a book of famous poetry. So much for the rhythm and rhyme: it the poignant words that really stir the heart.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Dear Friend, thank you for your review and the SIX stars This piece has received a warm response from FS members , but your words do take me by surprise. It is most generous of you and I am so encouraged by your thoughts Sincere thanks cheers Cass
Comment from ciliverde
How beautiful and sad, Cass. I can only imagine the family's grief, and the impossibility of either going into that room or changing anything in it. I've done some things kind of like that myself...
The poem is really lovely and so gracefully paints the scene of the now-empty bedroom, with spider webs and errant sunbeams (that's a nice touch - the feeling that sun can penetrate the gloom just a bit).
The final stanza, with the two beds mentioned...and the red-stained battle jacket. Nice job (sniff)
Carol
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reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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How beautiful and sad, Cass. I can only imagine the family's grief, and the impossibility of either going into that room or changing anything in it. I've done some things kind of like that myself...
The poem is really lovely and so gracefully paints the scene of the now-empty bedroom, with spider webs and errant sunbeams (that's a nice touch - the feeling that sun can penetrate the gloom just a bit).
The final stanza, with the two beds mentioned...and the red-stained battle jacket. Nice job (sniff)
Carol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Dear Carol, thank you for your review and the five stars. Your comment on the sunbeams is a nice touch. thanks for that small insight into another aspect of this poem. It is so nice when another person sees something else in what one has written.
Thanks again Cheers Cass
Comment from BeasPeas
Oh my God, truly a prayer to God for this hurting family. Your poem is wonderfully written and heart wrenching. I can't pick a favorite line because they are all favorites. Congratulations on an amazing write. Marilyn
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Oh my God, truly a prayer to God for this hurting family. Your poem is wonderfully written and heart wrenching. I can't pick a favorite line because they are all favorites. Congratulations on an amazing write. Marilyn
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Dear Marilyn, thank you for your review and the SIX stars. This was written some years ago, but the story stayed with me. I often thought about that sad room, so lost and filled with such sad memories for the mother and the father who never saw their boy again. the room was left just like that for decades, until the house was sold. It has a tinge of Miss Faversham about it, doesn't it? cheers Cass
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Yes, it certainly does. Very sad.
Comment from Tessa Kay
This must be unimaginably hard, to lose someone through sudden, tragic death.
Your poem does the feelings justice.
One thing you may want to change: It's in the humor poetry category. I don't think that's where you want it.
Thanks for sharing. :)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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This must be unimaginably hard, to lose someone through sudden, tragic death.
Your poem does the feelings justice.
One thing you may want to change: It's in the humor poetry category. I don't think that's where you want it.
Thanks for sharing. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Dear Tessa Kay, Thank you for your review and the five stars. Thanks also for alerting me to its incorrect listing. I have fixed that pronto!. the story of this family struck my interest and stayed with me. I wondered which was the greater tragedy. The loss of their beloved son, or their inability to move on from it. Please don't think me unfeeling, as I too have lost a son and know what they went through. God Bless Us All cheers Cass
