Rage, Ch.5, Horror Replaces Shock
Dale's been questioned by cops and begins to feel his grief.18 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
WOW! Your descriptive imagery is overwhelmingly vivid and powerful throughout! I found no SPAG which made it flow at a wonderfully intense pace mirroring the rush of memory and emotion in the character. Well done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
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WOW! Your descriptive imagery is overwhelmingly vivid and powerful throughout! I found no SPAG which made it flow at a wonderfully intense pace mirroring the rush of memory and emotion in the character. Well done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2015
Comment from Writingfundimension
'It's been said that when a certain place sees enough blood spilled, the earth develops a taste for it.'
Wow, that's really chilling--and excellent, Dawn!
You're setting up a couple of scenarios, I think, by including the excerpts. I'm anxious to see which one will come to the forefront. I'm hedging toward a being possessed by the Natives.
Great job!
:) Bev
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'It's been said that when a certain place sees enough blood spilled, the earth develops a taste for it.'
Wow, that's really chilling--and excellent, Dawn!
You're setting up a couple of scenarios, I think, by including the excerpts. I'm anxious to see which one will come to the forefront. I'm hedging toward a being possessed by the Natives.
Great job!
:) Bev
Comment Written 29-Oct-2015
Comment from Shirley McLain
This is the first of this story I've read. Thank you for giving a thorough back story. This is one exciting and tension filled story. I want more to read. Great job. Shirley
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This is the first of this story I've read. Thank you for giving a thorough back story. This is one exciting and tension filled story. I want more to read. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 29-Oct-2015
Comment from barkingdog
You managed to show this man's emotional devastation resulting from the murders of his entire family.
He drank, but even that didn't numb the visions of the bodies.
He's the prime suspect until the police find some other evidence to point elsewhere.
Chilling chapter, Dawn. It'll be nice to see you continue this.
-Had the pricks stepped over her when then(they) left?
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
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You managed to show this man's emotional devastation resulting from the murders of his entire family.
He drank, but even that didn't numb the visions of the bodies.
He's the prime suspect until the police find some other evidence to point elsewhere.
Chilling chapter, Dawn. It'll be nice to see you continue this.
-Had the pricks stepped over her when then(they) left?
Comment Written 29-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
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Thanks, Eagle Eye! I'm so grateful for your continuing support, Ellen - it's been a while since I left this one, but hopefully I can fit it in now. Life has a way of making us put things on back burners, doesn't it? ...sigh...
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Ah, so true.
:) e
Comment from Realist101
I was hungry for a snack. Guess not now. This is brutally realistic Dawn. I've watched so many police/crime shows that you'd think I'd be immune. I think good writing is better than movies and documentaries, and I'll try to keep up with this, Dawn! x
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I was hungry for a snack. Guess not now. This is brutally realistic Dawn. I've watched so many police/crime shows that you'd think I'd be immune. I think good writing is better than movies and documentaries, and I'll try to keep up with this, Dawn! x
Comment Written 29-Oct-2015
Comment from Unspoken94
Dawn, being a newbie, this is all new to me. But I don't care. If a chapter in a book is good enough, it should be able to stand alone and this one does exactly that. This is a most suspenseful and intriguing chapter and I applaud you for its developement. = Bill
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Dawn, being a newbie, this is all new to me. But I don't care. If a chapter in a book is good enough, it should be able to stand alone and this one does exactly that. This is a most suspenseful and intriguing chapter and I applaud you for its developement. = Bill
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
Comment from Eric1
Hi Dawn, I wondered what had happened to this truly intriguing story, I thought I had missed it while I was on holiday, you have picked it up again brilliantly and I am really looking forward to seeing what happened my friend.
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Hi Dawn, I wondered what had happened to this truly intriguing story, I thought I had missed it while I was on holiday, you have picked it up again brilliantly and I am really looking forward to seeing what happened my friend.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
Comment from Jay Squires
Really tense, chapter, Dawn. I liked it so much I'd have given it a six, if -- fill in the blank.
, twisted sheets and headed for the bottle of whiskey I'd almost finished for dinner after the police were through. [Just a teeny-weeny suggestion here. To make it specific for reader identification, you might brand name the whiskey (like Jack Daniels, or simply Jack, or Jim Beam, and indicate "pint" or "half-pint". If it were a fifth, he'd be probably out cold ... Just a thought. ... Later, I saw it was Rye whiskey. You might still want to Google a brand of Rhy whiskey from your area.]
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Really tense, chapter, Dawn. I liked it so much I'd have given it a six, if -- fill in the blank.
, twisted sheets and headed for the bottle of whiskey I'd almost finished for dinner after the police were through. [Just a teeny-weeny suggestion here. To make it specific for reader identification, you might brand name the whiskey (like Jack Daniels, or simply Jack, or Jim Beam, and indicate "pint" or "half-pint". If it were a fifth, he'd be probably out cold ... Just a thought. ... Later, I saw it was Rye whiskey. You might still want to Google a brand of Rhy whiskey from your area.]
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yeah, I must have come around at the right time, since you brought this back from off the shelf. Great lead in, description, and flow to a well written and thought out chapter. Can hardly wait to read more. Great job. :-)
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Yeah, I must have come around at the right time, since you brought this back from off the shelf. Great lead in, description, and flow to a well written and thought out chapter. Can hardly wait to read more. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I'm pleased you're continuing
with this meaty story, Dawn, albeit
so gruesome in places - a well
written chapter, bringing us back
uptodate - had I a six it would be yours,
my friend.
That's Harrison Ford - lovely man
Margaret
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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I'm pleased you're continuing
with this meaty story, Dawn, albeit
so gruesome in places - a well
written chapter, bringing us back
uptodate - had I a six it would be yours,
my friend.
That's Harrison Ford - lovely man
Margaret
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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You've made my day with your virtual six, Margaret! I'm so thrilled to know you consider this well-written and are pleased to see me continuing the book! I'm working on various things, so it takes a while for the ideas to mesh for any one story, but that seems to be how my mind works (though I know how difficult it must be to follow)! So I'm especially grateful, my friend. Thank you very much for your continued loyalty and support! It's truly inspiring!
