Commentary and Philosophy
Viewing comments for Chapter 134 "senryu (the marks we leave)"My thoughts about t
8 total reviews
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi, Treischel,
Congratulations on mastering another poetic form, this one inspired by a Japanese language form. The figurative language and the philosophy are excellent.
The syllable form is followed but it is my understanding that for a poem to be superior it must have less than 17 syllables.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
Hi, Treischel,
Congratulations on mastering another poetic form, this one inspired by a Japanese language form. The figurative language and the philosophy are excellent.
The syllable form is followed but it is my understanding that for a poem to be superior it must have less than 17 syllables.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
Comment Written 29-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
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Thank you Preston. I believe that's 17 or less.
Comment from Glasstruth
Too bad that you've missed the contest. This would've been a good one. I always wondered what my influence would be, and you've answered that: "short the marks we leave" You're so right. It's just a blink. Wonderful writing. Les
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
Too bad that you've missed the contest. This would've been a good one. I always wondered what my influence would be, and you've answered that: "short the marks we leave" You're so right. It's just a blink. Wonderful writing. Les
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
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Thank you Les.
Comment from artemis53
Wonderful piece. The chalk may wear off from the water rising but never that memory. I truly have enjoyed your 'vacation writings"!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
Wonderful piece. The chalk may wear off from the water rising but never that memory. I truly have enjoyed your 'vacation writings"!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you Artemis. Good point. I do have the memory.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing your reflections about the transitory nature of the human condition. I am glad the cruise inspired you but sorry you missed the contest. I enjoyed your 5-7-5 senryu and photo of the curious, chalk-marking ritual. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
Thank you for sharing your reflections about the transitory nature of the human condition. I am glad the cruise inspired you but sorry you missed the contest. I enjoyed your 5-7-5 senryu and photo of the curious, chalk-marking ritual. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you Joan. My favorite type of graffiti,self erasing.
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Good point! May dreams of chalk graffiti dance in your head!! -Joan
Comment from Pantygynt
Neat Senryu. Pity you missed the contest. People on this site have started writing these things in 1, 2 and 3 line format and shor-long-short seems to have flown out of the window. Hey! Ho! I still prefer them to be written like this.
Good place for graffiti - lasts till the next refill!.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
Neat Senryu. Pity you missed the contest. People on this site have started writing these things in 1, 2 and 3 line format and shor-long-short seems to have flown out of the window. Hey! Ho! I still prefer them to be written like this.
Good place for graffiti - lasts till the next refill!.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt. I thought that a great idea too.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Everywhere we go we leave a mark of ourselves. It is not always a visible mark but we surely give the people we deal with an impression of us either good or bad.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
Everywhere we go we leave a mark of ourselves. It is not always a visible mark but we surely give the people we deal with an impression of us either good or bad.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you Sandra, So true.
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is certainly a philosophical senryu and would have made a great entry. But it is still a wonderful poem. Great satori and about human nature.
Teresa
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
This is certainly a philosophical senryu and would have made a great entry. But it is still a wonderful poem. Great satori and about human nature.
Teresa
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you so much teresa. it's wonderful to here.
Comment from twinklepoems
I love me a good senryu. Yours is subtle "transient chalk" , short the marks we leave.
That says it all in in 17 short syllables...leaving you to stop and ponder the overall meaning. Sorry you missed the contest!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
I love me a good senryu. Yours is subtle "transient chalk" , short the marks we leave.
That says it all in in 17 short syllables...leaving you to stop and ponder the overall meaning. Sorry you missed the contest!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you twinkle poems.