Wild and Free
Free verse40 total reviews
Comment from visionary1234
Oh bravo Leslie! NOW you have something that is very auditory indeed and will perform REALLY well. Small suggestion ... instead of relying totally on 'end' rhyme, explore the assonance of other words withIN the line, so you get even more vowel 'melody' happening. I love this piece!
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Oh bravo Leslie! NOW you have something that is very auditory indeed and will perform REALLY well. Small suggestion ... instead of relying totally on 'end' rhyme, explore the assonance of other words withIN the line, so you get even more vowel 'melody' happening. I love this piece!
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thanks, Sharyn. I appreciate your review and your bravo. Re your suggestion, I have not written this style before this and Synergy, so I was wondering if you could send me a link to a poem of yours that uses assonance so I can see how it's done. Thanks, again.
Comment from TAB_that's me
I love this. Very deep thoughts and interesting use of terms to describe leaving - break out of jail.
I like the variations in the rhyme scheme.
Great ending of wild and free being the authentic me.
Teresa
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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I love this. Very deep thoughts and interesting use of terms to describe leaving - break out of jail.
I like the variations in the rhyme scheme.
Great ending of wild and free being the authentic me.
Teresa
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thanks, Tab for the thumbs up on this poem. I appreciate it and that you got the message.
Comment from Sambangi
Leslie,
This is a beautiful poem about love that is broken. I can feel the pain of a woman who is snared in lover's lair. Rhythm is quite good and I enjoyed this piece of work
Cheers
Sambangi
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Leslie,
This is a beautiful poem about love that is broken. I can feel the pain of a woman who is snared in lover's lair. Rhythm is quite good and I enjoyed this piece of work
Cheers
Sambangi
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thanks, Sambangi, for this empathetic review. I'm glad you Thankliked it.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Leslie, this is a wonderfully penned poem with great structure, the woman is held back by her lover but eventually gets away from the hum drum life she has, great rhyming with an absolutely wonderful flow and rhythm my friend.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Hi Leslie, this is a wonderfully penned poem with great structure, the woman is held back by her lover but eventually gets away from the hum drum life she has, great rhyming with an absolutely wonderful flow and rhythm my friend.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thank you Eric. I appreciate your kind words.
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You are very welcome my friend
Comment from Glasstruth
Great rhythm and flow. The rhyming just kept on and never stopped. The pace was maddening, yet that's what made it so good. No awkwardness at all. Reads well, even when read aloud. Les
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Great rhythm and flow. The rhyming just kept on and never stopped. The pace was maddening, yet that's what made it so good. No awkwardness at all. Reads well, even when read aloud. Les
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thank you Glasstruth for this excellent review. I'm glad you liked it and found it read well aloud.
Comment from rameypa
I can imagine someone with the appropriate skills rapping this to a good beat. It flows very well and has what I consider a sound message. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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I can imagine someone with the appropriate skills rapping this to a good beat. It flows very well and has what I consider a sound message. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thank you for the excellent review and noticing that it might be performed. I am not a performance poet, but wish I was better at it.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I really like the image and am glad the poem is not autobiographical.
-I also remember the song on the video well!
-You have chosen a topic that, unfortunately, too many women can still relate to.
-It is written very well with a good progression of ideas, from the way it begins:
"trapped in your snare,
a lover's lair"
-Then, he doesn't like the way things are going,
"But I survived.
In fact, I've thrived"
-The conclusion is excellent, as you have learned to be
"authentic me."
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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-I really like the image and am glad the poem is not autobiographical.
-I also remember the song on the video well!
-You have chosen a topic that, unfortunately, too many women can still relate to.
-It is written very well with a good progression of ideas, from the way it begins:
"trapped in your snare,
a lover's lair"
-Then, he doesn't like the way things are going,
"But I survived.
In fact, I've thrived"
-The conclusion is excellent, as you have learned to be
"authentic me."
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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Thank you respa1 for the excellent review elaborating the points. Im' glad you liked it.
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You are very welcome.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from OnyxSapphire78
I love everything about this poem! I don't even know where to start. The rhyme and the rhythm worked beautifully. The emotion just pours out of this poem. You did a really great job expressing this situation.
Wild and Free
You drew me in
to share your sin
of disrespect
and cruel neglect
pecking my brain,
while no one came
to stop this evil lover's game.
You drew me in!
while the clown in you
laughs and smiles
as my pain beguiles.
Evil revels in delight. They always do.
I post the bail,
break out of jail.
You wail and groan,
now home alone,
beset with regret,
you cannot forget.
You bemoan your fate
but it's too late.
And half the time they become stalkers when you leave. Guys who act like this always want to make a big scene when you actually get out.
Your verbal abuse,
words too loose,
tied a noose
as you tried to kill
and break my will.
But I survived.
This is so well worded. This is a horrible thing for anyone to ever have to go through. It saddens me that this happens everyday. One person tearing another down. Why
In fact, I've thrived.
Love this line. Positive! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Great poem!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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I love everything about this poem! I don't even know where to start. The rhyme and the rhythm worked beautifully. The emotion just pours out of this poem. You did a really great job expressing this situation.
Wild and Free
You drew me in
to share your sin
of disrespect
and cruel neglect
pecking my brain,
while no one came
to stop this evil lover's game.
You drew me in!
while the clown in you
laughs and smiles
as my pain beguiles.
Evil revels in delight. They always do.
I post the bail,
break out of jail.
You wail and groan,
now home alone,
beset with regret,
you cannot forget.
You bemoan your fate
but it's too late.
And half the time they become stalkers when you leave. Guys who act like this always want to make a big scene when you actually get out.
Your verbal abuse,
words too loose,
tied a noose
as you tried to kill
and break my will.
But I survived.
This is so well worded. This is a horrible thing for anyone to ever have to go through. It saddens me that this happens everyday. One person tearing another down. Why
In fact, I've thrived.
Love this line. Positive! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Great poem!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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Thank you for the exceptional review and relating to the points the verses make. I agree - I don't know why people do this - trying to build themselves up by controlling another and tearing them down. It never works in the long run for the abuser. And if the person who survives abused claims there freedom, it makes them stronger.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
There are men that draw in naive women for sex or for control games. It is great when women free themselves from such abusive relatioships. Solid rhyme and meter. Good job!
gypsy
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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Hello :)
There are men that draw in naive women for sex or for control games. It is great when women free themselves from such abusive relatioships. Solid rhyme and meter. Good job!
gypsy
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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Thanks, Gypsy Bue Rose. Yes, it is a trap many young women fall into and sometimes hard to find the strength to get out.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is beautifully penned and truly inspired. Each relationship contains a lesson to learn which helps grow and "thrive" which you contain eloquently. A most elevating and enjoyable read which I thank you very much for sharing.
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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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This is beautifully penned and truly inspired. Each relationship contains a lesson to learn which helps grow and "thrive" which you contain eloquently. A most elevating and enjoyable read which I thank you very much for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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Thank you Mystic Angel and I'm glad you thought the lesson was there to be seen
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It is VERY clear, my friend! Simply a lovely piece of compelling and uplifting poetry.
