The Conjurer, Part Three
The Shaman's lure40 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
The mystery keeps building. After wondering whether to accept Senor Pasquale's invitation, it looks like he's decided to go.
He's still not sure if he Shaman had some sort of supernatural influence over him or not.
I think picking up the rose may have been a mistake. It pricked him and he breathed in its essence. Who knows what either of these things might mean to a Shaman.
Fascinating, Bev. There is never enough.
:) e
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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The mystery keeps building. After wondering whether to accept Senor Pasquale's invitation, it looks like he's decided to go.
He's still not sure if he Shaman had some sort of supernatural influence over him or not.
I think picking up the rose may have been a mistake. It pricked him and he breathed in its essence. Who knows what either of these things might mean to a Shaman.
Fascinating, Bev. There is never enough.
:) e
Comment Written 15-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Ah, Ellen, you have suggested a nuance to this story that I did not consider! Ha, I love the way your mind works.
Thank you for your encouragement and support. It means a lot to me.
:) Bev
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I was just going by the old rule--if you introduce something and make it stand out or seem important, you have to use it. Or why else would it be mentioned?
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Right on, Ellen!
Comment from misscookie
The more I read the more interesting your write become.
I'm not much on reading stories as I am on poem.
But you captured my attention from the start.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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The more I read the more interesting your write become.
I'm not much on reading stories as I am on poem.
But you captured my attention from the start.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 15-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Hi, Cookie. Thank you so much for taking time to read my post. I appreciate your insights and your encouragement very much.
:) Bev
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You're very welcome.
Take care.
Cookie
Comment from rama devi
Great chapter. Superb deep POV. Well paced. Interesting and engaging. Interesting characterization. Superb descriptive detail.
NOTES
Me too:
Wormholes hold a particular fascination for me.
Nicely voiced:
I find the premise of a shortcut connecting two separate points in space/time--distances of a billion light years, or the space of a few feet--ripe with possibility. I imagine them as incubators, and visualize a baby universe within the larger, parent universe held together by mass cosmic strings.
LOVE THIS:
Had my meeting with Senor Pasquale been a psychological wormhole designed by a superior intelligence striving to unite our seemingly incompatible worldviews? And, if so, who was the child and who the parent?
Superb descriptive narrative detail and simile:
Watching the Shaman's vintage Cadillac vanish within a cloud of ash-colored dust, my emotions swirled like bees in a hive.
Sounds like AMMA--well-depicted:
I recalled how the whites of his eyes seemed lit by an internal fire and the way my body responded to what felt otherworldly. And I could not understand how he was able to light a wick of passion in me during the short span of our conversation. Whatever kind of power that was, I knew I'd not rest until I found its source.
*
The sounds of hollering came from behind me, and I turned to where a group of boys kicked around a soccer ball in an alley adjacent to the square.
SUGGEST making this two sentences (optional):
The sounds of hollering came from behind me. I turned to where a group of boys kicked around a soccer ball in an alley adjacent to the square.
*Not sure--But i think this comma is needed (might be optional):
I squared my shoulders and directed my steps toward where the red rose lay after being tossed from the Cadillac(,) as if within its fold I would find a clue.
*Normally(,) the sight of blood makes me ill, but now I simply watched it pool with abstract fascination. T
*optional addition:
Acting as though (he thought) I was about to pull out a gun and shoot him, the boy mounted his bike in one agile motion and streaked across the square.
*I was famished,(no , but a dash would be fine if you wish a pause effect) and very much in need of a hot shower.
*while savoring the $125.00 bottle of Mezcal Del Maguey that I had buried in the bottom of my suitcase.
consider trimming THAT (optional)
Nice to see you posting. I just reviewing on my chai break--and glad your story was here just in time!
Warm Hugs and Smiles, rd
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Great chapter. Superb deep POV. Well paced. Interesting and engaging. Interesting characterization. Superb descriptive detail.
NOTES
Me too:
Wormholes hold a particular fascination for me.
Nicely voiced:
I find the premise of a shortcut connecting two separate points in space/time--distances of a billion light years, or the space of a few feet--ripe with possibility. I imagine them as incubators, and visualize a baby universe within the larger, parent universe held together by mass cosmic strings.
LOVE THIS:
Had my meeting with Senor Pasquale been a psychological wormhole designed by a superior intelligence striving to unite our seemingly incompatible worldviews? And, if so, who was the child and who the parent?
Superb descriptive narrative detail and simile:
Watching the Shaman's vintage Cadillac vanish within a cloud of ash-colored dust, my emotions swirled like bees in a hive.
Sounds like AMMA--well-depicted:
I recalled how the whites of his eyes seemed lit by an internal fire and the way my body responded to what felt otherworldly. And I could not understand how he was able to light a wick of passion in me during the short span of our conversation. Whatever kind of power that was, I knew I'd not rest until I found its source.
*
The sounds of hollering came from behind me, and I turned to where a group of boys kicked around a soccer ball in an alley adjacent to the square.
SUGGEST making this two sentences (optional):
The sounds of hollering came from behind me. I turned to where a group of boys kicked around a soccer ball in an alley adjacent to the square.
*Not sure--But i think this comma is needed (might be optional):
I squared my shoulders and directed my steps toward where the red rose lay after being tossed from the Cadillac(,) as if within its fold I would find a clue.
*Normally(,) the sight of blood makes me ill, but now I simply watched it pool with abstract fascination. T
*optional addition:
Acting as though (he thought) I was about to pull out a gun and shoot him, the boy mounted his bike in one agile motion and streaked across the square.
*I was famished,(no , but a dash would be fine if you wish a pause effect) and very much in need of a hot shower.
*while savoring the $125.00 bottle of Mezcal Del Maguey that I had buried in the bottom of my suitcase.
consider trimming THAT (optional)
Nice to see you posting. I just reviewing on my chai break--and glad your story was here just in time!
Warm Hugs and Smiles, rd
Comment Written 15-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Hiya, Rama. Thank you so much for this awesome review. As always, I appreciate your insights and suggestions (all good!). Thanks for helping to strengthen the flow of the story. Hope you are doing well--great to hear from you.
Hugs, Bev
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Thanks, dear Bev, for your gracious reply. I am doing well--within--feeling blissful, peaceful, centered and grateful...but body still has chronic minor issues (recently diagnosed with pernicious anemia, Vit B-12 deficiency, gastritis, etc.) Currently in treatment. Still more tests pending. But the biopsy showed nothing too serious.
Hope you're well--on all levels!
Hugs,
rd
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PS--Living n India can be hard on the body--but it's totally worth it!
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Dear Rama, I so admire your willingness to put your vows and beliefs into practice no matter the personal cost. I will send you healing thoughts, my friend. Please, do take care of yourself.
Hugs, Bev
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AW, thanks for your encouraging words and kind healing thoughts, dear Bev! Much appreciated! Love and hugs, rd
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It's the least I an do for one who gives so much of herself. XXOO Bev
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Aw, shucks! Thanks! Hugs and love, rd
Comment from chasennov
Doctor Morales re-groups. The Conjurer, Part Three.' This is another very good chapter on this ongoing saga of yours, Bev. Amazing how sometimes people can hide a true intention from even genuine personalities. Very well done.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Doctor Morales re-groups. The Conjurer, Part Three.' This is another very good chapter on this ongoing saga of yours, Bev. Amazing how sometimes people can hide a true intention from even genuine personalities. Very well done.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Hi, C. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to read my post. Your support and encouragement mean a lot to me, and I appreciate your insights.
:) Bev
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You are most welcome, Bev. Take care.
Comment from Mastery
Hello, my dear friend. This is some fantastic writing....I think you must know that. LOL Imagery and descriptions are so concrete and perfectly orchestrated: Like:
"he sounds of hollering came from behind me, and I turned to where a group of boys kicked around a soccer ball in an alley adjacent to the square. I hooked my thumbs in my pockets and watched them for a bit, though they seemed to take no more notice of me than they did the dozens of pigeons scouring the grass for food. The scene reminded me of home, and I felt my shoulders drop and my neck muscles relax. To the west of the square sat my car. Within minutes, I could be moving in the direction of my orderly life in Texas and away from the dangerous notion of collaborating with a notorious sorcerer."
And this: "Grasping its edge, I thanked him and searched my pockets for tip money. Acting as though I was about to pull out a gun and shoot him, the boy mounted his bike in one agile motion and streaked across the square. Watching another pawn stumble through a play directed by an old man with a dubious reputation, I knew the Shaman would use even a young boy in order to lure me into his world. "
Professional stuff like you would find in any good book selection at Barnes and Noble, Bev.
Now, You've made me feel bad, Bev. (Not your fault tho) You post much later than I do and I have blown all of my sixes. I suppose I should really save one for you each week, but that doesn't occur to me while I am reviewing good work I see first. Not to mention, sometimes I have to spread the sixes around. You need not worry, I will never be offended if you are short sixes for my work. You have always been more than fair to me.
Blessings, my dear friend and again, sorry. Bob
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Hello, my dear friend. This is some fantastic writing....I think you must know that. LOL Imagery and descriptions are so concrete and perfectly orchestrated: Like:
"he sounds of hollering came from behind me, and I turned to where a group of boys kicked around a soccer ball in an alley adjacent to the square. I hooked my thumbs in my pockets and watched them for a bit, though they seemed to take no more notice of me than they did the dozens of pigeons scouring the grass for food. The scene reminded me of home, and I felt my shoulders drop and my neck muscles relax. To the west of the square sat my car. Within minutes, I could be moving in the direction of my orderly life in Texas and away from the dangerous notion of collaborating with a notorious sorcerer."
And this: "Grasping its edge, I thanked him and searched my pockets for tip money. Acting as though I was about to pull out a gun and shoot him, the boy mounted his bike in one agile motion and streaked across the square. Watching another pawn stumble through a play directed by an old man with a dubious reputation, I knew the Shaman would use even a young boy in order to lure me into his world. "
Professional stuff like you would find in any good book selection at Barnes and Noble, Bev.
Now, You've made me feel bad, Bev. (Not your fault tho) You post much later than I do and I have blown all of my sixes. I suppose I should really save one for you each week, but that doesn't occur to me while I am reviewing good work I see first. Not to mention, sometimes I have to spread the sixes around. You need not worry, I will never be offended if you are short sixes for my work. You have always been more than fair to me.
Blessings, my dear friend and again, sorry. Bob
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
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Bob, you never, ever have to apologize for a five star review like this! The time and effort that went into it is so very helpful and encouraging. I know how quickly I go through my sixes because I follow some super writers like you. I'm just glad to get good feed-back, suggestions and insights. The story can go in many directions, and it all helps me to narrow down my options. So, it's all good, Mon Amie.
Xo Bev
Comment from c_lucas
A stranger to a small community cannot hide very easily. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Good imagery.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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A stranger to a small community cannot hide very easily. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Good imagery.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Thanks so much, Charlie. I appreciate the support and encouragement. :) Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
Comment from Jay Squires
Bev, you have a blockbuster by the tail here. Your research must have been extensive. The reader can feel it in the authenticity of your voice. Blending in the theory of "Wormholes" was brilliantly done, again giving credibility to the author.
I really wish I had a six to give this six-worthy piece. but I review so many things that my 6's rarely last me into Monday.
Just know you have a loyal follower as long as you keep writing good stuff like this.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Bev, you have a blockbuster by the tail here. Your research must have been extensive. The reader can feel it in the authenticity of your voice. Blending in the theory of "Wormholes" was brilliantly done, again giving credibility to the author.
I really wish I had a six to give this six-worthy piece. but I review so many things that my 6's rarely last me into Monday.
Just know you have a loyal follower as long as you keep writing good stuff like this.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hi, Jay. Thank you so much for this awesome review. I'm so glad that you didn't find any dumb errors LoL. Just hate those.
I do love reading books on physics. I think it was Carl Sagan that really got me turned on to the possibilities of science/space with his superb series Cosmos. After reading two of his books, I was hooked.
I really appreciate, too, the offer of a six. And I know exactly what you are talking about! Just the thought it was six-worthy in your mind means a lot to me.
Take care...
Bev
Comment from redrocklover
Intriguing story that makes me want to read more. I like how smoothly your writing flows.
Just a couple of things caught my eye: {Truculence is either my worst fault or my greatest asset} - I had to look up 'truculence' (heard the word before but needed clarity on the meaning) and wasn't sure what trait it was describing in the main character. I'm not saying that I shouldn't have to look up a word, just need clarity on your meaning.
Also: {savoring the $125.00, bottle of Mezcal Del Maguey} - I think the comma could be eliminated here for a smoother flow.
Overall, I think your writing and storytelling is the kind I would purchase on Amazon. Very professional and succinct.
Linda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Intriguing story that makes me want to read more. I like how smoothly your writing flows.
Just a couple of things caught my eye: {Truculence is either my worst fault or my greatest asset} - I had to look up 'truculence' (heard the word before but needed clarity on the meaning) and wasn't sure what trait it was describing in the main character. I'm not saying that I shouldn't have to look up a word, just need clarity on your meaning.
Also: {savoring the $125.00, bottle of Mezcal Del Maguey} - I think the comma could be eliminated here for a smoother flow.
Overall, I think your writing and storytelling is the kind I would purchase on Amazon. Very professional and succinct.
Linda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hi, Linda. I appreciate you taking time to read my post. And thank you for your suggestions and insights. I swear the use of commas is going to be the death of me! You do make a good point about the use of that term.
Thanks again!
:) Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello my friend,
You took your time with this one. Glad it's here!
The concept of wormholes is fascinating.
Morales ... didn't you use this name in your last novel?
I wonder what the Achilles heel could be? Hmmm ...
Don't make me wait too long, Bev.
Super job!
Hugs,
Sonali
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hello my friend,
You took your time with this one. Glad it's here!
The concept of wormholes is fascinating.
Morales ... didn't you use this name in your last novel?
I wonder what the Achilles heel could be? Hmmm ...
Don't make me wait too long, Bev.
Super job!
Hugs,
Sonali
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hi, Sonali
I absolutely agree about the timing. Have had some family issues which required my attention and time. Yes, Doctor Morales is the main character in this extended short story, so that's probably what you're remembering.
Wormholes for time traveling is an even more exciting concept! But it's a somewhat controversial theory even among the high altitudes traveled by physicists. Personally, I think the idea sounds scary but fascinating.
Thanks, my friend, for the encouragement and support. Always good to hear from you.
Hugs, Bev
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With the Hadron collider in Cerne, Switzerland (check out google/ You-tube), this concept may not be all that far-fetched after all. Scary all right. Good to hear from you too, my dear. More hugs xxx
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Well, you know me, Sonali. I believe in all of it LoL.
XXXOO Bev
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I DO know you, doll!!!! (One day I plan to hear those voice recordings.)
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I haven't listened to them in a while. You just reminded me :)
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Don't forget, the next time we meet ...
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Cross my heart...
xx
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:) :):) It's been so good to banter. Feels like the early days. I can't remember when we were both online at the same time. I have to ration my time on Fanstory. So many other involvements. I think you, Marietta and Rosie are all in this same vortex at present, aren't you?
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Haha, it does feel like a vortex at times. Rosie and I are taking a class together. And Marietta and I just had lunch last week. She's going to be spending more time in the north country in the coming year. It sounds like they're selling their house downstate and moving up here full time.
That's good news for me!
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Isn't it lovely how we've all connected? Glad you and Rosie are 'on' again. She and I are planning to do a hike with the husbands sometime soon, if the weather holds. How lovely for Marietta and you. Good night my friend. Off to beddy-byes.
Comment from Wabigoon
Writing--
This is an exciting pass of the cape in front of the bull, maybe. I see there are connections to Carlos Castaneda and Don Juan, perhaps, but you have kept them well disguised, if there. The writing seems well tailored to your purpose. I saw no problems with it. I may fan you to keep track of this.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Writing--
This is an exciting pass of the cape in front of the bull, maybe. I see there are connections to Carlos Castaneda and Don Juan, perhaps, but you have kept them well disguised, if there. The writing seems well tailored to your purpose. I saw no problems with it. I may fan you to keep track of this.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hi, Jeff. I certainly have been influenced by Carlos and others such as Taisha Abelar and Marilyn Teneshunde. The themes run pretty consistent through the shamanic works I've read, especially the late, great CC. It's so funny to me that what was considered to be a huge hoax by the latter, turns out to be grounded in science, metaphysics and any of the 'Eastern' practices.
Thanks so much for the gracious and encouraging review. I really appreciate your insights.
Cheers,
Bev
